Blue Insomnia
by Hamliet
Summary: Neither Rey nor Kylo Ren is pleased to discover that a Force bond connects them. But when the First Order fails to assassinate Leia and captures Finn, and Rey and Poe embark on a rescue mission, both Rey and Kylo realize they can use it to their advantage. Reylo and Stormpilot.
1. Chapter 1

**"Love is such a priceless treasure that you can buy the whole world with it, and redeem not only your own but other people's sins. Go, and do not be afraid."**

 **Fyodor Dostoyevsky**

* * *

"Wake up."

The voice cuts through Kylo Ren's brain, slashing and burning like the slice across his face, throbbing like wound to his side. Grimacing, he pries his eyes open, struggles up on his elbows.

"Well," Snoke says, peering down at Kylo with an unreadable expression. "You did it."

 _Did…_ It all rushes back. The Starkiller. The girl. The traitor… and _Han_.

"I must admit, I doubted you had it in you," the Supreme Leader states, reaching out to grab Kylo by his chin, force his face up. The Supreme Leader's hands are cold. Not like his father's, which were warm even in death.

"The time has come to complete your training, now," Snoke purrs. His fingers press against the gash on Kylo's face, and Kylo bites his lips to keep from crying out.

Snoke withdraws. "Lean into your pain, Kylo Ren. Feel it. Feel the humiliation of your failure."

 _You're a monster!_

 _You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the Force!_

 _The Force?_

"Losing to that untrained girl," Snoke sneers, condemnation flowing off him and crushing Kylo.

"The Wookiee's bowcaster—" Kylo starts. He curls his fingers as the injury aches.

"No more excuses. That's the first step towards completing your training." Snoke drifts away.

"By the grace of your training," Kylo promises, pounding the wound. "Next time, I will—do better." He will. He will convince the girl… or kill her.

But he doesn't want to kill her, and he can't let Snoke know that. Not when the Supreme Leader finally believes he's eliminated all sentiment.

 _You failed at that, too,_ Kylo realizes, and panic sets in, clambering its way up his insides.

 _I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain._

As Snoke tells him to get up and Kylo obeys, blood dribbling down his side and feeling pain so tight it feels as if it will break him in half and his brain screaming, he realizes that he's never been in more pain.

 _Han Solo, why did you have to come?_

 _Han Solo. I've been waiting for this day for a long time._

He hadn't been, though. He'd been avoiding it.

"Take your lightsaber."

Kylo grabs it, his hands shaking. Sweat beads his brow, stinging and searing his face. He ignites it, heart thudding.

Snoke's hand, soggy and decaying, swipes out, knocking Kylo to the ground. He falls, his shoulder slamming onto his lightsaber. Kylo gasps, writhing.

"Next time, you will not let injuries or pain distract you," Snoke intones, stooping and turning the lightsaber off. "General?"

Hux strides into the room, immaculately groomed as always. He wrinkles his nose at the sight of Kylo crumpled on the floor, clutching a new smoldering wound. Kylo cringes as he remembers the General finding him barely conscious in the snow.

" _Really, Ren? An untrained scavenger?"_

A voice enters Kylo's head as Snoke directs Hux to help Kylo back into his bed.

 _Rey?_

 _May the Force be with you._

His mother's voice.

Not his mother— _Leia Organa, she means nothing to you_.

Kylo summons all his strength, pushing himself back to his feet and climbing back onto the bunk without Hux's help. The General snorts.

 _She means nothing to you. Neither of them do. No one does._

Why is he hearing her, though? Speaking not to him, but to that girl?

Kylo's too exhausted to think about it.

* * *

"You're awake! Oh, thank the Maker, he's awake!"

Finn opens his eyes, expecting to find himself back on Starkiller Base. Instead, a golden droid peers over him, millimeters away from his face.

"Droid, do you mind?" Finn croaks out, jerking away.

"My apologies, sir—I only—"

" _Buddy!"_ Poe Dameron sweeps into the room, arms wide.

 _The Resistance base. D'Qar._

"Rey?" he asks. _He killed her, didn't he? Kylo Ren killed her!_

"Hey, easy. She's gone to find Luke Skywalker," Poe says, hand on Finn's shoulder. "She said goodbye to you. You'll see her again."

So many images rush through Finn's mind—Ren's face, twisted with malice as he seared Finn's shoulder with his twisted, sparking lightsaber, Han falling, Rey flying into a tree and cracking her head—snow, so much cold, so much blue darkness and red light—"How long was I—"

"Take it easy," Poe commands again. "Don't get so worked up. When you got here, they weren't certain you were gonna make it. But I figured if you were strong enough to break away from the First Order and all their brainwashing, and to survive our little TIE fighter crash in Jakku, you'd be fine." He stops babbling. "You feeling okay?"

Finn flexes his back. "A little sore." He lifts his legs. "And stiff."

"Rey told us what you did. That you took him on."

"Rey—"

"She fought him," Poe says. "She _won_."

Rey won? _Rey?_ She defeated the First Order's most powerful commander? Pride swells within Finn. Pride, and something else.

"Chewie got you both home. Er, back here. The base," Poe adds. "That's where you are now. If you want to leave, I'm sure—"

Finn shakes his head. "I don't want to leave." Not unless leaving meant meeting up with Rey again, but he knows no one is going to send him to Luke Skywalker.

 _Rey has the Force._ Finn's face cracks in a smile.

A familiar orange and white droid veers into the room, speeding straight for Finn. "BB-8!"

"My droid likes you a lot," Poe remarks. "Good thing you're sticking around."

 _I'm just trying to get away from the First Order._

 _Come with me._

Finn shudders as he considers what would have happened if Rey had taken his advice. Poe would be dead. D'Qar, annihilated, along with who knows how many other planets and how many souls. Shame curdles in his stomach as he looks at a beaming Poe.

 _I'm not a hero._

 _You took the lightsaber,_ Finn reminds himself. _You rescued Rey._

 _Well,_ helped _, anyways. Kind of._

BB-8 whirs and whirls around in small circles, as if dancing. Because it's happy Finn's awake?

The only other time someone acted so happy to see him was Rey, on the Starkiller Base, when she'd _hugged_ him.

The door slides open again, and General Organa strides in, her face a mask of tension that eases when she sees Finn sitting up, awake. "Finn."

"General!" Finn feels nothing but respect for the woman, instead of the fear that soaked his voice whenever he spoke of the _other_ general he's served. "General, I'm—so sorry."

 _If I do, what do you think you'll see?_

 _The face of my son!_

 _General Organa's son killed her husband._ Finn's never had a family, but he can't even imagine the kind of sticking, tearing, agony that must cause, the rawness that must leave. And as he watches the woman's face nod, sorrow present, determination even, but neither overriding the kindness, he wonders how such a brave, heroic lady could ever have birthed such a cruel man.

The General takes Finn's hand, clasping in between her own.

"How long is Rey gone for?" Finn ventures.

"She went to train with my brother. It will depend if he wishes to travel back here," the General responds.

"You're going to wait for him to decide that?" Poe asks incredulously.

"Well," the General says with a ghost of a smile. "Maybe not."

* * *

"Rey, wake up!"

The skull-like apparition fades from her mind as hands shake her, drawing her out of her slumber. Chewie howls.

"Are you okay?" Luke peers into her eyes, his face mottled with concern.

"Y—yes," she stammers. "Just a… bad dream."

A rather _vivid_ bad dream, though. A creature she's never seen before but feels she knows, somehow, leering over her and saying things, horrible things…

"Do you want to talk about it?" Luke asks.

She shakes her head. "Bad memories." A lie, because what else can she say? Her imagination is acting up?

Luke looks away from her, towards the horizon. Birds swoop and dance across the orange hull of the rising sun. "We might as well start for the day."

She nods. "I'll get ready." Trudging off behind a rock, Rey shakes out her hair, tying it up in three knots. _What a horrible monster,_ she thinks of the creature in her dream.

 _He is not a monster!_ another voice, softer than it should be and oh so familiar, snaps.

The Dark Side? Is the Dark Side speaking to her now? Is she going _mad?_

 _Shut up!_ she thinks furiously.

And the voice answers as if it's not just a figment of her imagination: _How are you in my head?_

Rey gasps, clamping her hands over her ears, but that's not going to work because the damn voice is _in_ her head, in her actual _head_ , and yet it's not her voice and it can't be her imagination. _Get out!_

 _I'm not in your head!_ Kylo Ren snarls back.

 _Yes you are!_

 _Did you decide you wanted a teacher, after all?_ He sounds gentle, almost hopeful.

 _Yes,_ she snips. _I chose the man who saved his father, not the one who murdered his._

A pang hits her, of something sharp, strong, crushing— _remorse_?

Not her remorse.

 _That's not possible,_ she tells herself.

More thoughts, also not hers, flood Rey's mind: _Please don't—I'm trying, I'm trying—_

And he's gone, as if he was never there, leaving Rey trembling as the sun continues to rise, wondering if she's gone insane.

* * *

"What is the matter with you?" Snoke snarls.

"I'm still recovering," Kylo lies. Part of him wants to confide in Snoke, the only one who's truly believed in Kylo, seen his potential from the beginning, encouraged him along his path. But what if he's going insane? He can't bear to lose Snoke's respect.

 _Weak. You're weak._

His voice, not hers. Kylo still hates it. _Hate_. That's what he needs.

"Hm." Snoke studies him. Kylo sees the Supreme Leader's hand flinch, and fights the terror that comes with the thought of Snoke trampling through his mind yet again. He's thought they were long past those days.

"It's the girl," he blurts out.

"The girl?"

"Yes. The scavenger. Rey." _That's her name._

Snoke paces the room, his footsteps echoing. With each one, Kylo jumps, expecting the Supreme Leader to turn about and rip through his mind. "What of her?"

"Um—" Kylo swallows. _If he thinks you're mad, you'll lose everything. Imagine Hux's face… it'll all have been for nothing, everything, because you'll be nothing, you'll have stabbed your father for no reason…_ "I was just—" Angry thinking about her? No, dammit, anger helps him, it doesn't hinder! _Think, you idiot_! "Worrying. If she's receiving training, too—"

"Ah, yes." Snoke nods, coming closer, so close Kylo has to crane his neck to look up at him. In person, Snoke is not near as tall as he is in his holograms, but he's no less imposing. "You should know that we have reason to believe the girl has gone to train under your uncle, Luke Skywalker."

Of course, the girl found his uncle before he could. Of course she did. _Rey_.

"The Dark Side is more powerful, Kylo Ren," Snoke reminds him. "Luke may be a Jedi, but that means the girl will only train in Light. She will be limited. Unlike you."

He nods. _You'll be limited in your training,_ he taunts immediately. _Unless you come—_

 _Shut up!_

Kylo stops, continuing to stare at his master, draw strength from him because he feels so desperately weak, and letting her voice drift into his head, angry as it sounds, only weakens him further. When she speaks, he sees Han's face, horrified and dying. When she speaks, he feels his nightmares chasing him down in the snowy woods, cold breathing down his back, sees his father falling and feels himself collapsing to his knees, his dreams, what he'd been so _certain_ of—that killing his father would eradicate the Light—collapsing too. When she speaks, he feels like he's being torn apart.

Snoke shakes his head. "Have I _ever_ been wrong, boy?"

 _Father._

 _Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test._

 _Yes,_ Kylo thinks. _You told me it would make me stronger._

 _Did he ever say that?_ another voice, darker than Rey's, sniggers. _Or did you just assume that? Did it come from your own Darkness?_

"Enough of this." Snoke throws Kylo's lightsaber onto the ground. "Get General Hux and Captain Phasma. All three of you are to speak with me. Immediately."

"Yes, Supreme Leader." Kylo bows and stalks out, fury bending and knotting within him, fury at his father, at the Supreme Leader, at the girl, and at himself.


	2. Chapter 2

"All three of you," Snoke begins, leaning forward in his throne and glaring at the masked Knight, the stiff General, and the chrome-plated Captain. "Are embarrassments to the First Order!"

"Supreme Leader—" Hux tries.

" _Silence_ , General!" Snoke barks. Try as he might, Kylo can only muster small seeds of satisfaction from the General's scolding. "First, Captain, for all your prowess and respect in the stormtrooper division, you let a Wookiee, a smuggler, and a traitor threaten you into lowering the shields of the weapon we spent _so long_ mastering!"

Hux nods. Kylo wants to kick him.

"My apologies, Supreme Leader," Captain Phasma says.

"And you, General: you've done nothing but snivel since coming here. You are too ambitious, I think, for your own good. It'd be wise for you to take a good look at your own capacities, and be honest with yourself about them."

Not a muscle twitches on Hux's face, but Kylo can feel the hate seeping off the General. Hate not for Snoke, but for Kylo Ren.

"And you, Kylo Ren—you may try to deceive me, but I can still sense it. Have you forgotten that it was I who _created_ you? You are _nothing_ without me." His words echo inside Kylo, stinging and smarting. "The Light still grows inside you. _Still_."

Hux and Phasma stare at him, and Kylo tries to shake off this uncomfortable, prickly feeling. "Supreme Leader—"

"We will take care of the Resistance as soon as we can, but if we must take out your mother first, we will," Snoke growls.

"Of course," Kylo manages, hating how his heart jumps at Snoke's words. _She means nothing to me._ The words are in his mind, on his tongue, but he can't fling them into reality.

What does she think of him now? Surely she knows. The girl and Chewbacca would have told her.

 _It doesn't matter what she thinks!_

Hux tosses him a sardonic smirk. Kylo ignores him, even though he's itching to throw the General through a wall. But, as condescending as Snoke is to Hux, he finds him useful and considers the stormtrooper program worthwhile.

 _A clone army would still be better._

Rey speaks. _Are you considering matricide now, too?_

 _Go away!_ Kylo presses against her voice, tries to block her—he cannot let her hear Snoke's plans, he can't be responsible for further weakening the First Order—

"The First Order is now being laughed at," Snoke informs them. "Because of all of your irresponsible, self-serving actions. The Resistance has hope, and hope spurs new recruits. Instead of wiping them out, the Resistance is surging.'

"If you just took the droid," Hux growls. "Instead of the girl, the First Order would be in a much better—"

"General! I will speak!" Snoke threatens. Kylo watches as Phasma, beneath her helmet, glances at Hux, presumably with the same annoyance Kylo feels.

But Hux is right, and Kylo knows it, and he hates Hux for it.

"As for you, Kylo Ren," Snoke says. "You can help the General with this new Starkiller project."

"But my training—" he objects.

"You don't seem very focused on it," Snoke snarls. "But I will contact you each day to train you."

 _Not in person?_ It feels like a slight, like Snoke doubts him again. Kylo swallows, but his mouth is so dry it feels like he's swallowing needles.

* * *

"You seem distracted," Luke observes as Rey drops R2-D2 again.

"I'm sorry," she gasps. "You okay?"

The blue and white droid whizzes and beeps.

Luke peers at her as he leans against a wall made of stones. "Are you sure you want to train?"

 _What?_ "Of course," Rey stammers. "I came all this way for—you're the galaxy's last hope."

"No," Luke corrects her. " _You_ are." He tugs at a loose stone, attempting to jostle it loose. Stubborn, it stays. "The Jedi are. But Rey, I'll never force you to train. Not if you don't want to."

Heat plunges through her cheeks. "I _do_ want to." _I just have your crazy nephew's voice in my head and he's thinking of his mother and it sounds ominous._

What if it's his goal to distract her? So she's less of a threat? Rey closes her eyes, envisioning Finn falling to the icy ground again. Finn, who cared enough to come back for her…

Energy sparks within Rey. She raises her hand, and R2 chirps as it rises. The sun blazes overhead and the waves sparkle beyond the gray and green scenery. Rey smiles.

 _Next time, Finn, I'll be ready._

"Good!" Luke exults. "Now put R2 back down. Carefully."

R2 lands with a clunk, but she didn't let him fall. Rey's pleased.

"For the record, Rey," Luke says as he approaches her. "I don't mean to sound as if I'm expressing any sort of—a lack of confidence in you. I just—I never want to force someone to train."

Something unspoken hovers at the end of that sentence. _Again?_ "Is that what happened? With the Jedi academy?"

"Not exactly. Sort of." Luke shrugs. "Someday I'll tell you, Rey, but that's a story for another time."

Shadows drape the island. Rey glances up to see clouds storming the horizon.

"The Light Side is all about control," Luke tells her. "Controlling yourself, that is. Not controlling others."

"That's the First Order," Rey muses. Although she wonders how exiling oneself is _control_. Maybe Luke really did believe the galaxy was better off without him. But without the Jedi, without the Light, how could he possibly believe that? Especially knowing what Kylo Ren had become.

She feels a surge of irritation and anger, red hot, in her mind. Not her emotions. _Stop. No. Not now._

And cold blue fear spikes through her. _How can I control myself if someone else is constantly in my mind?_

 _It's been less than a day. It might not be constant._ Somehow, though, Rey knows Kylo Ren's voice is not going away. _What if he leads me to the Dark Side? What if his presence means the Dark Side already has me?_

She remembers Han, and Leia, and Finn. _No_.

Maybe growing stronger in the Force will teach her to keep him _out_. She can only hope.

Thunderclouds keep rolling in as evening descends, and Rey and Luke take shelter in the _Millennium Falcon_ with Chewie and R2. Luke volunteers to make dinner as Rey's eyes, heavy with stress, close.

Rage grabs her, pulling her from the dregs of sleep, rage that isn't hers, and something else—pain. Screaming. Before she can stop herself, she blurts out: _What are you doing?_

The fury abates to a simmer. _Smashing the control panels,_ comes the sneering response.

Like a child _? Why?_

The anger sparks again. _Please don't mock me. I don't need one more person—_

Fear closes in. Rey lies still, determined not to alert anyone else. _Why can I hear you? Why can you hear me? Did you do something to me?_

 _No!_ And she feels it—it's true.

 _Have you told your master?_

 _No._

The Supreme Leader would see it for what it is—a weakness, Rey realizes. _Kylo Ren's become a liability_.

But so has she.

 _Ask_ your _master_ , he suggests.

 _No._

 _Luke might not be suspicious if you ask about Force bonds, in general._

Now Rey's eyes fly open, and she sits up. _Force bonds? What are those? Is that was this is?_

 _I don't know!_

She watches R2 and Chewie play on the hologame table, blissfully unaware that the enemy was in Rey's mind. She wonders whether Han and his son had ever played, before the boy became Kylo Ren.

 _I'll ask,_ she tells him, but he's already gone.

* * *

Kylo paces his chambers, gazing at the helmet in desperation. "Help me," he mutters. "Help me, Grandfather."

He's already smashed up everything else in his chambers—the bed, the chairs, the table. Everything except the helmet.

The girl was in his father's ship, with Chewie, Ben's childhood partner in crime. The Wookiee was always willing to participate in whatever crazy scheme Ben came up with, even if it meant damaging the _Millennium Falcon_ by rearranging different parts of the hyperdrive (temporarily).

" _Why would you do that?" his father screamed at him, until Chewie intervened and Han rolled his eyes._

 _But Ben never got to say the real reason:_ because I didn't want you to leave again.

 _You're so lonely, so afraid to leave._

Rey was like a mirror. Until he'd looked into her mind, he had no idea it was possible for someone to feel as lonely as he does.

"Grandfather, help me," he pleads again, louder this time. "The Supreme Leader senses it again, I know it. He can't find—I can't—if I'm to finish what you started, I need your help."

Ben waits, the silence chewing his eardrums. He usually draws strength from this supplication, from quiet meditation in front of the relic. But today, only emptiness flows into him. Emptiness, and memories that rattle around inside his skull.

 _Come home._

 _When will you come back home, Father?_

 _We miss you._

 _Father! You're back! I missed you!_

In that moment, when his father still called him his _son_ , wanted to see his face, Kylo wanted to agree, to go home with him because for so many years, he believed that they'd given up on him, that they believed they'd lost their son, forever.

 _Your son is dead._

 _No, my son is alive._

Kylo feels the war inside him again, remembering how it reached a crescendo, the dark and the light clobbering each other, destroying him, one side screaming to go home, give up his lightsaber, the other whispering for him to just do it, end the light, stab it through once and for all.

He'd never realized that, for all the years he served Snoke, what he wanted more than anything was for his father to walk through the doors. _I've been waiting for this day for a long time._

Because that day would end the struggle.

But it hadn't, and now Kylo has no hope, because there is no Han Solo to walk through to his own demise, or to rescue his son.

 _You killed him because you were afraid._ Fear is supposed to lead to the Dark Side, strengthen him, but when Kylo extends his hands, all he feels is the limp motivation, the strangely dull power, the urge to look over his shoulder. The Dark Side needs to consume him. Maybe it is consuming him.

"I'm sorry, Grandfather," Kylo ekes out. "I—I can't—"

 _You're afraid… that you'll never be as strong as Darth Vader!_

His fears are realized, Kylo knows. He will never be like Darth Vader. _Sentiment_.

Instead of smashing his room, Kylo cries.

* * *

Rey starts by asking Luke about different abilities of the Force. She knows about mind tricks, levitation, telekinesis.

"You're quite skilled with mind tricks," Luke tells her, one eyebrow raised. Not for the first time, Rey wonders what her mentor knows about her past, about her family.

She has more pressing questions tonight, though. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Rey asks about telepathic communication.

"Sometimes," Luke answers. "And sometimes, I've heard, that there can be a force bond between Jedi masters and padawans. I never experienced that, though—not with my teacher, or with my padawans."

 _You need a teacher!_

 _He's not my teacher!_ Rey thinks frantically. "So… does it have to be between a teacher and a padawan?"

Luke pauses, swirling his cup of water around. Rain pounds the outside of the ship. "I've never heard otherwise, but I imagine it could form between any two Jedi with a close attachment."

"I think it'd be frustrating to have someone in your thoughts all the time," Rey says.

"Well, I don't think it works quite like that. A Jedi should be able to block thoughts. And it'd be an advantage if two Jedi needed to communicate in war time… or find each other."

 _Find._

 _Find each other? Like location?_

A barrage of curse words in many languages swell up in Rey as she feels Kylo's interest peak.

"Don't worry," Luke says. "I don't think we're Force bonded."

"Mm-hm." Rey nods, using all her willpower to block Kylo from getting her location. _I'm not giving you anything!_

 _We'll see_. She feels something else from him, something almost like hope, but far more jagged and fraying and _desperate_.

Rey pushes back to see his thoughts, she's sucked into what feels like a maelstrom of violent thoughts: _Find out where Skywalker is—tell Snoke, he'll be proud of you again, you'll make up for it, the weakness will fall away—no, it won't, it will never go away because you can't revive him—you're alone, so alone—he's gone—_

Loneliness screams, and Rey yanks herself back, stunned. _Ben?_ she asks, not knowing why she chooses his birth name.

He doesn't answer, but she senses his horror, mingled with his shame.

* * *

"How much longer are you going to give them?" Poe inquires. He winks at Finn as he slips in the door.

General Organa sighs. "It's only been a few weeks, Dameron. I've been waiting for _years_."

"But it's so close now," C-3PO opines. "So close, and yet—"

"That's enough, 3PO," Poe says.

The golden droid drops its head. "I miss Master Luke as well."

"We have the map," Poe says. "Why don't we just go to him?"

Finn nods, agreeing with Poe.

"I can fly you there," Poe says. "You know I can."

"I'm well aware of your piloting skills," General Organa says with almost motherly affection. "But Luke's been away for a long time. There's much—much that needs to be said, and much that needs to be accounted for. If he wanted to see me, he would."

"Then why were we all risking our lives to find him?" Poe demands.

"Because the galaxy needs balance, and for that, the galaxy needs Jedi. Rey is with Luke. There's hope." General Organa paces, staring out at the tiny window.

"You keep telling yourself that, but I know you're upset," Poe says, distressed. "You've been through enough."

She snorts. " _That_ is certainly true." When she turns to face them again, she's smirking. "Let's—try to radio them. Ask how it's going."

"Yes!" Poe thrusts his fist in the air. "Hey, where you going?" he calls to Finn.

"Giving her some privacy?"

"No," Poe says, grabbing Finn's arm. "You're Rey's friend. She'll be happy to hear from you."

"Boys, we're all leaving. I don't have a transceiver in here," General Organa says with a wry smile.

She leads them to a small room, far smaller than Finn's, even, crammed with a narrow bed and a small metal table to the side. The General squats down and rifles through a drawer, pulling out a radio. Finn catches a glimpse of what looks like an infant's cap inside.

The notion of Kylo Ren as a baby is too strange for Finn. He shudders.

"Chewbacca," the General says. "Chewbacca, come in, please. It's me."

A roar echoes from the transceiver. Finn smirks as he remembers Han Solo's walking carpet of a companion.

"Is Rey there? My brother?" Her voice wavers, so full of hope and trepidation.

"Leia?"

"Rey!" Finn shouts, because he can't help himself.

Poe casts him a sidelong smile.

" _Finn?"_

"Yeah, it's me!" She remembers him. She's _excited_ to hear from him. Finn grins so much he must look stupid, but he doesn't care.

"How _are_ you?"

"Good—good, I'm good!"

Her laugh carries. "I can hear you just fine. You don't have to yell."

"How are things going, Rey?' the General inquires.

There's a pause. "Fine. Good. Luke's a good teacher."

"And my brother?"

"He's well, Leia." Finn sees relief wash over the General's face.

"Are you planning on returning here anytime soon?"

"Um—" Rey's voice cracks. "Soon. I think. Just not right now. I think training by the—by the temple is helping me." She clears her throat.

Finn doesn't understand the Force much, but hey, if the temple was important enough for Luke to abandon the entire galaxy for, who is he to question Rey?

"Is my brother there, Rey?"

"He's asleep. It's night here. I could wake him up…" Rey sounds uncertain, and the General's already shaking her head.

"You don't have to lie for him, Rey. I'll wait. Just—don't take too long, okay? Make sure you're both back before the First Order starts building another Starkiller Base." The General shakes her head.

"Of course." Rey's voice sounds thinner than Finn remembers it.

"Are they really?" Poe asks. "Building—another?"

General Leia shakes her head. "According to our intelligence… yes."


	3. Chapter 3

"Why wouldn't you talk to her?" Rey demands of Luke. Maybe it's not polite to argue with her mentor. She doesn't care.

"Why don't you want to go back to the base any more than I do?" Luke returns.

Rey swallows. She does want to go back. But she can't. Rey shivers. _Not with Kylo Ren having access to everything in your mind._

She can block him. She's blocked him from knowing their location. She can do this. And this isn't about her. She can't imagine not wanting to reunite with a sibling.

Chewie growls at Luke, shaking their transceiver as if to threaten him.

"I grew up hearing myths about Luke Skywalker," Rey says instead. "Aren't you supposed to be brave?"

Luke flinches and turns away from her. When he speaks, his voice is far steadier than Rey expected: "Maybe it's braver to stay away at times, Rey. You might understand, someday."

 _Might._ Rey's eyes burn. _Did he ever talk to you that way?_ The thought passes from her mind to Kylo's without her even thinking about it.

There's no answer. Maybe the bond is broken. Rey can hope.

But no, she feels his surprise at her asking him, even though he doesn't respond. _Dammit_.

Chewie moans and wraps an arm around Rey, nodding as she lies down to sleep.

But she can't. Rain still lashes the _Falcon_ , and now that she's on the island she dreamed of so much, she has no place to picture as her sanctuary. She never imagined the island actually existed, and when she landed, she thought it was fate, destiny, proof the Force was guiding her all along.

Now, lying on her destiny, Rey feels more lonely than ever, and desperate to sleep. Rey's mind wanders back to Leia, wondering what went wrong with her son, the man Rey's unwillingly Force bonded to.

 _You could just ask me about my awakening,_ his voice snaps.

 _You're awake, too?_ Hope—no, not quite hope, but something akin to it: the feeling of not being alone—floods through Rey.

 _It's not time to sleep here._

 _What made you turn to the Dark Side?_ Rey asks. Chewie's snore rattles the cabin.

 _Snoke showed me the power of the Dark Side. He showed me the ways of the Force far more than Luke Skywalker ever did._

 _What the hell does that even mean?_

 _I could show you,_ he teases.

Rey grimaces. _No, thank you. We've been through this, Kylo Ren._

And now there's disappointment. At her refusal? At her using his chosen name?

 _You don't seem entirely satisfied in your training._

 _At least my training is coming from the Light Side,_ Rey retorts.

 _What would you even know of the Dark?_ Ben asks. The wind moans outside.

 _More than you'd think._ An image fills her mind and Rey lets him see it too: Kylo lying in the snow, face slashed and blood pouring from his side, as she stalked above, vicious excitement shooting through her like fire racing spurred by an accelerant, and yet...

 _Why didn't you kill me?_

 _Would you have wanted me to?_

 _I expected you to._

 _Would that have made you happy? Me turning to the Dark Side?_ She worms her way into his mind further, pulling it out: _no_. She feels the fear lacerating that memory.

 _I knew I didn't want to become someone who would stab a person who loved me on a bridge,_ Rey says.

He's quiet. _The Light Side limits you._

 _So does the Dark_. Rey thinks. She hopes.

 _What's your favorite part of training? Levitating the droid?_

Rey snorts. _Can't you just take whatever you want?_

 _Or you could tell me. Since you don't seem to be close to sleeping_. _And I'm going to venture a guess that Chewie is snoring, which means even if you wanted to sleep, you wouldn't have a chance._

Rey laughs. Luke stirs from across the room. R2 bleeps curiously.

* * *

"We have a new message from Jessika Pava in the Anthan system," Admiral Ackbar tells Leia as she strides into the room.

"What is it?" Leia's heart constricts. _Surely this can't be good._

"She has it on good authority that the First Order is attempting to build another Starkiller Base."

"Yes, that was in her last message."

Ackbar bobbles his red head. "She wonders if you could send the stormtrooper—the _former_ stormtrooper—out. He might have vital information that could benefit us all—if indeed they are building a new Starkiller—"

"Pava can't bring whatever she's learned back here?" Poe demands.

"No, because she's been talking to informants, and they're refusing to leave."

Finn nods as if he understands these informants' fears. Leia's heart goes out to him. What had the First Order put him through?

"She directly asked us for help," Ackbar puts out. "Dameron, you know her—you know that Pava wouldn't ask unless—"

"I'll do it," Finn interrupts. "I'll go." He clutches the sides of his jacket and pride fills Leia. The boy is so unassuming, so humble, and yet Leia feels the pulse of the Force within him.

"I'll, um, need a pilot," Finn adds.

"Well, hey, that's where I come in," Poe says. "With your permission, of course." He turns to Leia, and she sees the flush in Poe's cheeks. Dameron may be her best pilot, but she's known him since before he learned to fly, when he was a little boy climbing the tree Shara Bey and Kes had planted outside their house. She recalls Poe's mother gushing about how they should introduce Poe and Ben, since their sons were so close in age… _they can climb the tree, they can go swimming in the lake together…_ and then Leia sent Ben away for training with Luke, and then Ben was gone.

 _I want him back._

 _I still want him back._

She sent him away because she thought it would protect him. Instead, she'd dumped Ben straight into the fiery hands of Snoke. If she'd been more active in her protection…

And then her son captured Poe Dameron, and from what Dameron told her, tortured him. _Not exactly the meeting or the friendship you had in mind, was it, Shara Bey?_

She nods. "On one condition, Dameron, Finn: I'm coming with you."

* * *

 _Thanks for ensuring I got no sleep. It's morning now_.

Her voice is sour in Kylo's mind, but he smiles, his back towards his grandfather's helmet. It would be time for him to sleep, but Kylo's too anxious.

He grabs his own helmet and slams it over his face as he strides out of his chambers, heading towards the broad windows of the _Finalizer_. Whenever he can't sleep, whenever the Light and the Dark maul him, he watches the stars and the planets fly by.

 _You can go anywhere you want, Ben,_ his father told him once, when Ben was three and perched on his father's knee, watching the lights, some dim and some bright, fly by as the _Millennium Falcon_ zipped through the Outer Rim.

 _If only you hadn't wanted to go so many places,_ Kylo thinks.

But Kylo won't be getting any peace tonight, because General Hux is already there because _of course_ he doesn't need sleep, talking with Phasma about his plans for his new Starkiller Base.

"The Resistance has managed to destroy one of your bases already," Kylo interrupts. "And the Empire never constructed a Death Star the Rebellion didn't destroy."

"We'll just have to take them out first," Hux replies, his brows swooping together as he glowers at Kylo.

"The Supreme Leader, in his infinite wisdom, has decreed this, sir," Phasma reports.

Hux leaps on the captain's words with a savage eagerness. "Surely you wouldn't question the Supreme Leader's decisions?"

Kylo raises his hand, tightening his hand just enough around Hux's throat to catch him off guard. "Don't presume to question _me_ ever again. I know perfectly well this was your idea."

"And a good one," Hux insists, gagging as Kylo tightens his grip.

"Be careful, General," Kylo warns as he cocks his head. "A second failure the Supreme Leader might not so easily forgive."

He might as well be talking to himself, though.

Too late, he realizes that Rey's in his mind. Rey's seen the plan. He feels her shock, her fear, and then frustration. Not with him—with herself.

 _Again,_ he hears her saying.

Kylo turns away from Hux and hears the General hit the floor with a thump. _What are you trying to do?_

 _Concentrate,_ she snaps. _And you're not helping!_

Kylo sighs in exasperation. _Tell him you didn't sleep well._

"Sir?" Phasma questions.

Kylo ignores her.

 _Not all of us prefer to make excuses._

Kylo swallows, his heart rate increasing.

He feels it again—a flash of frustration. Whatever his uncle is asking Rey to practice, she's struggling. Curious, Kylo pries further, digging, because in her mind he feels less like he's floundering.

Telekinesis. So simple, and yet as Kylo sees through Rey's eyes, his grandfather's lightsaber dances out of her grasp. The opposite of what happened in the forest.

 _Breathe deeply,_ he tells her.

 _I am!_

 _Slower!_ Kylo slows his own breathing, feels the air enter his lungs, feels his lungs expand through the confines of his chest, feels the back of his throat stretch. And then he releases the air, and even though she says nothing, he can tell Rey's doing the same.

 _Focus,_ he tells her. _On the lightsaber. You_ need _it. Feel its energy…_

Elation shoots through Rey, and Kylo is immensely relieved that he's wearing a helmet, because a grin splices his face.

They soar past a star glowing white, with blue edges, and then a red star months from collapsing on itself. Kylo bites his lip. He's got to tell Snoke about this Force bond, or turn Rey to the Dark Side—or everything will be lost.

 _Is that why you helped me?_ her voice invades.

He doesn't respond, because it's useless. She'll know it's not the reason, not that Kylo knows the reason himself.

 _Why didn't_ you _kill_ me? Rey asks.

 _What?_

 _On the Starkiller. You could have. Above that ledge._

He could have. Instead, he'd beseeched her. _You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the Force!_

He knows the answer. Because he couldn't get what he wanted from her. Because she, too, was strong in the Force, the first fellow Force User he'd met in years. Because he felt her potential thrum from that interrogation chair. Because he wanted to train her to prove himself to Luke Skywalker, to Snoke. Because he'd just murdered his father, and instead of feeling the power of the Dark Side unleashed within him once and for all, he felt his power as a whole strapped, drained, crushed beneath a pillar of guilt and the terrifying realization that he could never go back, could never draw the lightsaber out of Han Solo and have him still breathe, could never place that lightsaber in his father's hands and feel it leave his own palms.

And because she knew loneliness just as well as he did, and he didn't want to be lonely anymore. Because he knew what it was like to spend nights desperate to sleep, envisioning the only safe place he could imagine: the _Millennium Falcon._

Kylo's hand snakes to his side, tracing the scar Chewie gave him.

 _Were you surprised he shot you?_ she queries. Her voice feels gentle, kindly.

Kylo turns away from the window, marching back towards his chambers. Hux glares at him. _Chewie was my friend growing up_.

 _I had no friends_ , she responds.

 _Besides Chewie, neither did I._

 _Unkar Plutt made me scavenge from the time I was five. When I arrived on Jakku._

Kylo enters his chambers again, crawls onto his bed. Instead of sleeping, he stares at the black, blank ceiling, and asks: _What was Jakku like?_

He takes breaks to give Rey advice to whatever tasks his uncle gives her. In between them, Rey describes scavenging, and her love of the Rebellion legends, how she created her own doll, how she tried on a Rebellion helmet for fun. He knows she's goading him, and instead of enraging him, it lulls him to sleep.

When he wakes up, it's to a message from Phasma that Snoke wishes to see them. Kylo scowls. At least if Phasma is now being included in these meetings, he presumes Hux might be on his way out. Kylo takes care to block Rey before he enters. With a wry smile, he wonders how long he'll be able to block her if she keeps learning the Force. With all her natural strength…

 _If you can't block her, what will become of you? You'll be the First Order's greatest weakness._

He can't have that.

"I have it on good authority," Snoke says, leaning forward and his mouth widening in something like black glee, "That General Leia Organa is on her way to the Anthan system."

"We should sent a strike team," Hux responds immediately. "If we take out their general, a month after taking out Han Solo—we'll crush them. The Resistance will shrivel, and the new Starkiller will ensure their demise!" Giddiness permeates his tone. Two red spots, visible even in the dim light, appear on his cheeks.

Snoke leers at Kylo Ren. "And you, Kylo Ren? What do you think should be done with your mother?"

"She could provide valuable information, Supreme Leader," Phasma supplies. "If we were to capture her alive."

"No information we get from her can have the same impact killing her would!" Hux spits back.

"Are either of you named Kylo Ren?" Snoke growls.

But Kylo can't think. He's paralyzed. But there's only one acceptable answer. "Let Captain Phasma lead a strike team."

The words leave him, and the pressure only increases. It's as if someone he can't see is Force choking him, and it takes every ounce of control within Kylo for him not to sputter and claw at his throat, at his chest, at his face, at all his scars.

 _Maybe this is it,_ Kylo tells himself. Or is it Kylo? _This is how we destroy the pull of the Light. Maybe your father was only half the battle._ _Then maybe the bond will break, even, and you'll be the First Order's greatest strength once again._

He remembers Chewie's howl of agony, remembers the bowcaster slamming into his side. Kylo knows the Wookiee and his weapon, and knows the only reason he isn't dead is because Chewie left him the chance to survive.

 _My son is alive._

Kylo strides out of Snoke's presence, still shielding his thoughts as he heads back towards his chambers, towards that dark helmet. "Grandfather."

 _Tell me, is this what you would have wanted?_

 _Sentiment._

It brought down the Empire. One man's sentiment for his son, perhaps for his daughter.

"Do you regret it?" Kylo asks. _The sentiment?_ Or maybe his grandfather regrets the fall of the Empire, but not the salvation of his family… _do they have to be one and the same? If so, why?_

Is it even sentiment if he's afraid her death will weaken him? Is it sentiment that he's searching so far, digging so deep, that he needs an excuse to save her?

 _Rey_ , Kylo thinks as he tears through the block he'd set up. _Rey_ , _you've got to warn the General._ He won't pretend enough to call her _mother_.


	4. Chapter 4

_How do I know this isn't just a trap you're setting up?_ Rey demands as she attempts to stir a stew Luke made. The broth bubbles over and stings her hands. _Ouch!_

The storm is over, has been all day, but a heavy mist swathes the island instead, seeping cold into Rey's clothes, under her skin, in her bones.

She can't _know_.

But she feels his desperation rising, boiling and threatening to explode. _Are you going to smash more control panels?_

 _Hux,_ he responds, bitter and fragile _. I hate him._

 _Was it this Hux's idea?_

 _Yes. And he's—he's resented me ever since Snoke brought me on board. He views me as his competition, instead of an ally, and he's so—_

 _Yes, I'm sure you never antagonize him,_ Rey snorts.

 _Are you going to do anything about what I told—showed—let you see or not?_ he snarls.

Rey jabs a wooden stirrer into the pot. _Of course I am! I don't take any joy in people dying!_

 _I don't take any pleasure in it either._ It's not the first time he's said it, but it is the first time Rey believes him.

The image of Han, reaching out to his son only to be gutted with a lightsaber and fall into an abyss, shoots through Rey's memories. The only father figure she's ever had, until Luke.

She won't let the First Order destroy Leia. She's not sure she could survive it. Or that Luke could.

But how can she tell Luke? How can she tell any of them how she knows? These past few months are the first time in Rey's life she's started to believe she's not _no one,_ she might mean something to someone or something beyond the people who abandoned her on Jakku. If she tells them she's hearing Kylo Ren's voice in her head, that he could potentially scout her location should she let her guard down, that will all be lost.

 _The Force,_ Rey thinks. When in doubt, she can give the force credit. _Technically,_ she reminds herself. _It's not a lie either._

* * *

"Rey!" Finn fiddles with the transceiver. "Calling again? What's up?"

"Finn, where are you?" she demands.

"On our way to a resistance base in the Anthan system," Finn replies. "We'll be landing later today. Actually, very shortly." He drops his voice even though neither Poe nor Leia would care. "There are more people who have inside information on the First Order."

"Like more former stormtroopers?"

"Nah, I doubt that." Finn wishes it were so, though. Then he would feel less alone. And at the same time he's glad there aren't more former stormtroopers, because it's easier if he just thinks of them as enemies, as something he's left behind, not as something he used to be a part of—a program he maybe still carries with him in ways he doesn't want to acknowledge.

"Listen to me, Finn." Rey's pleading with him, and alarm shimmies down Finn's bones.

"Are you okay?"

" _Listen_ ," she snaps. "Leia's in grave danger. The First Order knows where you are all going, and they're going to try and kill her. Probably all of you, but her especially."

"What?" Finn's blood congeals in his veins. _The First Order_.

"Finn, you have to go back. You can't go to the base—they'll—"

Finn wants to agree, but the memory of Rey's hug, the tender expression in her eyes when she realized he'd come back for her, the way the Resistance talked about each and every member like they were valuable—the complete opposite of how the First Order treated its members from stormtroopers to devoted servants—he can't. "I can't leave those people to die, Rey."

"You can warn them, though. To leave."

Finn nods, a lump growing in his throat. "How do you know about this anyway?" he asks.

"The Force." Rey's voice catches.

 _Is that how the Force works?_ Finn wonders. "Listen, Rey," he says. "I'm going to get Leia and Poe, and you can tell them—"

"No, Finn, I've got to get going." Rey sounds almost scared. "Just please, promise me—"

"We'll warn them, and get out," Finn says. _See Rey, I'm not the coward I was on Takodana._

The transceiver fizzles out in his hand. "Hello? Rey?"

No response.

Finn fights back a growl as he enters the cockpit. "We've got a problem." He explains what Rey told him.

"She can sense that through the _Force_?" Poe asks.

"Force visions do exist, Dameron," General Organa says, her hand resting on Poe's shoulder. "Although, they're not always entirely accurate."

"So what do we do?" Finn asks.

"Call Jessika, right away," Poe says, already reaching for his own transceiver. "But I can tell you right now, she'll have a hell of a time convincing them to leave."

"I can help with that," Finn insists. _I hope_. "But if we don't have enough time—Rey didn't say when they would be there, just that it'd be soon—"

"If the First Order wants a fight," Leia says grimly, reaching for her blaster. "We'll give them one."

* * *

Kylo Ren watches as Phasma departs in her ship. It should rankle him that Snoke hasn't entrusted the mission to him, but instead, Kylo is relieved. He can't show it, though. Not to Hux, and especially not to Snoke.

He's getting awfully used to concealing things. In some respects, he's spent his entire life doing that, but not from Snoke. Kylo always trusted Snoke.

 _I can teach you how to make sure no one hurts you again._ The memory seeps into his brain, a toxin that curdles everything around it, everything else he's thinking about.

 _What's that about?_ Rey chirps.

 _Nothing_ , he snaps. _Did you—did you—?_

 _I passed on the warning._ Rey holds back.

Kylo storms into his chambers, pacing wildly. The air under his mask feels hot, sticky. _She's still going, isn't she._

Rey says nothing, but he feels her fear—her fear for his mother, for her friend, for the Resistance as a whole, her fear of the Dark Side. But her fear is unlike Kylo's: it's tempered with something softer, something golden and glowing and like something Kylo remembers from his childhood, from the moments he spent looking out the _Millennium Falcon_ on Han's knees.

 _Where are the others?_

 _You mean the murderers, traitors, and thieves you call friends?_

Kylo rips off his helmet, sweat plastering his hair to his forehead. _I am every one of those things._

He falls to his knees before the shrine, begging the helmet again. "Show me the power of the Dark Side…"

He's terrified, too.

For her. The General.

 _Why wouldn't you listen to Rey, you stubborn woman?_ he thinks.

* * *

Poe glides the ship onto the surface of the planet—a dusty, gravelly place with a few trees spiking up from the ground, odd splotches of green against an otherwise dull landscape. A ridge rises directly behind where they landed, offering some measure of cover. Finn's heart thumps inside his chest, the same beat echoing in his ears as on that night he finally saw what the First Order was, the night his friend died and left his blood marking Finn's helmet.

"No one yet," Poe says optimistically. "Stay here, BB-8."

The droid bloops sadly.

"But they're coming," Leia observes. "I can feel it."

"We can't possibly fight them off!" Finn pants as the three of them run across a field, towards a flickering light. Three moons rise in the sky.

"We can try!" Poe shouts.

A beautiful woman with long, dark hair calls Poe's name, beckoning for them to duck into a small hut where a small group of people have gathered—some green skinned and reptilian, some human, one with black lips and clad in cantina clothes.

"Before we say anything else, I'm sure Jessika's told you that you're in danger here," Leia begins. "The First Order is on its way."

"They know about me," says the girl with the onyx lips. She looks eerily familiar to Finn, but as he parts through his memories, he can't locate the correct one.

"Bazine worked as a mercenary. She's done a lot for the First Order," Jessika informs them.

 _I must have seen her,_ Finn tells himself. _Somewhere._

"She's the one with the plans… She knows their encryption codes. She can—"

The woman's eyes, blacker than her lips, dart around as if panicked. "I can't leave here. They'll find me."

"They've found you _here_ , though!" Finn shouts.

"This is my home planet!" Bazine snaps. "I can't—I mean—"

Finn's at a loss. He doesn't know his home planet. _You fool, thinking you could help._

"We can talk to your people," Leia says. "Try to convince them—I'm sure they have ships."

Bazine bites her lip and nods.

* * *

Luke ceases their lessons early, and Rey lies back against the damp grass, watching the cerulean sky and wondering about who flew above them, whether Finn and Poe and Leia would make it, what would become of the Resistance if they didn't. What would become of _her_.

She's not sure she can take more loss. For so long, she didn't need anyone, or at least told herself that—and now she knows how much she does.

Even if they aren't with her, she needs to feel their presence in the Force, know it still knits her together with them, even if she can't look into their eyes.

 _You barely know them,_ Kylo sneers in her mind. _How can you care so much about them?_

Rey wants to snap back that she knows all she needs to know—Finn came _back_ for her, asked if she was okay, when no one else ever had, Leia bravely stood up to the First Order, Poe was brave enough to destroy the Starkiller…

 _You realize he ended lives on the Starkiller, don't you?_

Rey swallows and decides not to throw those memories any further Kylo's mind. He feels like two people to her—the Kylo she's talking to now is the Kylo who burrowed into her mind on the Starkiller, the Kylo who stabbed his own father. And then there's the Kylo who asked her about Jakku, the Kylo who told his father he was being torn apart. Or is that Ben?

 _And you?_ she asks. _If your mother dies, what will you become?_

* * *

After two hours of evacuations and mostly begging people to evacuate, Finn, Jessika, Bazine, Leia, Poe, and other informants regroup in the hut.

"We're not going to convince many more," Leia says.

"No," Bazine insists. "We can't leave yet." Her eyes flit to Finn as if mocking him, as if she knows about his determination to flee the First Order on Takodana…

A familiar hissing sound echoes overhead. "Everyone out!" Finn shouts, pushing Leia, Poe, whoever else is in the way, towards the door. " _Now!"_

An explosion rocks the planet. Finn barely manages to stay upright as the tension erupts and the hut turns into a writhing, screaming mass of people struggling to get out, to run.

Someone jostles Poe and he tumbles to the ground.

"Poe!" Finn drops to his knees, dragging his friend back up. Blood runs from a gash to his forehead.

"Get to the ships!" screams Jessika. She grabs Bazine's free hand; the other, Finn notices, clutches a transceiver.

Wind whips around them, and Finn bears back to see an all-too-familiar ship landing on the planet, crunching a tree beneath it. Its jaws open, and white-clad stormtroopers pour out.

Leia fires her blaster, taking down five of them within seconds. Poe and Finn struggle to hit one.

With all the gunfire, none of them hear the hissing.

"Come on, Finn!" Poe races back towards the ship they came in, Leia just behind him.

But Finn's been trained as a stormtrooper, and knows to look up the ridge, where he sees a blaster aimed directly at Leia.

Finn shoots, and the stormtrooper starts to fall. Poe and Leia whirl around, and only then does Finn hear the distinct sound of a bomb about to drop.

" _Finn!"_ Poe screams.

Red light, then white. And heat. And then, nothing.

* * *

Captain Phasma shoots at the woman who has the nerve to call herself _general_. Between her and Hux, Phasma wonders whether the title has any meaning anymore.

The woman shoots back at her, face a mask of rage as she drags a screaming pilot on board the ship.

 _No_ —Phasma can't let Snoke down, can't let her get away—she can only imagine the snarky comments from Hux, the fury of Ren and the Supreme Leader.

As Phasma nearly trips over a body, she glances down, expecting to see another person whom she won't bother to regard.

Instead, she sees a face oh so familiar to her.

 _FN-2187._

Even now, she still remembers his number, remembers his betrayal and the shame he'd heaped on her. She remembers his Wookiee companion smashing her mask, them forcing her to open the shields and dumping her in a trash compactor. She knew he was too empathetic and did nothing about it— _why?_

 _Surely not empathy._ Phasma dismisses the notion.

FN-2187 cost Phasma many nights of sleep. _How?_ Phasma often wonders. How could this stormtrooper, no different than any of his comrades, turn so suddenly? Empathy had always been an issue for FN-2187, but empathy alone couldn't have shifted his loyalties so quickly—could it?

Weakness, compassion—it'd brought failure in many of Phasma's troops, and she felt disappointment in them, but never anything that heckled her when she tried to sleep. But FN-2187 hadn't failed; he'd left, his loyalties shifted, and that befuddles Phasma— _that_ haunts her when she tries to sleep.

She glances back up and sees the ramp to the freighter closing. _They're getting away._

FN-2187 stirs on the ground, fingers twitching. Phasma drops to her knees, placing her hand over his chest. _Breathing_. A blow to his head, most likely, but she checks, and there's no blood in his ears.

She looks up again, the ship shooting off into the indigo sky flecked with stars, stormtroopers firing blasters at it to no avail.

She should shoot him. Erase the stain from her reputation, create a weapon to throw back in Hux's face the next time he taunts her.

Phasma cocks her weapon, aims it at FN-2187's blood stained face.

 _Or,_ she could get her answers. _Ren would be curious._ Besides, FN-2187 might know where the rebel princess was, and that has been Phasma's suggestion to Snoke all along, because it's in the best interests of the First Order. Otherwise she wouldn't hesitate to fire into the boy's face. _He might know where Luke Skywalker is, even._ Therein is her trump card should Ren or Hux challenge her.

Phasma hoists the traitor over her own shoulder as she barks out orders to return to their ships. She carries his limp form back towards the First Order.


	5. Chapter 5

Poe's shaking too much to pilot the ship. Leia's never seen him look more sickened, not even when he arrived back from Jakku. Thankfully Han, in all their years together, taught Leia a few things about piloting.

"Poe," Leia begins gently. "Poe, he tried—"

"What if he wasn't dead?" Poe demands, looking at her. The blood from his own gash has dried on his face in flaky, crimson streaks. Poe's made no attempt to wipe it off. "The bomb didn't hit him—I saw him go flying just because of the impact—General, he—"

"If he wasn't dead then," Leia says, wishing she didn't have to say these words. "The First Order's surely killed him now."

Poe bites his lip, presses his fist against his chin. Tears fill his eyes.

"Poe?" Leia inquires. BB-8 rolls up to Poe, pressing against his master, little head drooping in empathy.

"I'll kill them," Poe ekes out. "Every last one of them. He was—he'd never have been in this position if it weren't for me."

"Poe, he wanted to come."

"Yeah, but—" Poe shakes his head, covers his face. "I love him."

Leia says nothing, because it's too reminiscent of when Han died, and she knows there was nothing, no single word or string of words or actions that could have alleviated that pain. Nothing, except reversing the past.

 _You can't change the past,_ she recalls her father, Bail Organa, telling her one night when she lay awake panicking that she'd never be good at anything. _But you get to chart whatever course you want in the future._

 _And if I want to be part of the Rebellion?_ she'd shot back.

 _Your mother'd be furious. I'd be proud, though._

 _You did a far better job parenting than I did,_ Leia thinks to the man whose death she watched from the stars.

"We'll go," Leia says aloud, because it's the only thing she can say to move forward.

"What? Where?" Poe lifts his head. His eyes are red-rimmed and his nose swollen.

 _He did love him._

Leia can't allow herself to ponder the strange love story, or whether Finn even knew. "Radio Jessika and the rest of the base on D'Qar. We're going to find my brother."

* * *

"Sir." Phasma's voice filters in through their transceiver, Kylo and Hux crowded around it. "The Resistance general escaped."

Kylo's breath hitches as Hux's face swells purple.

 _Thank you,_ he thinks to Rey, because he knows that if his mother was warned, she would be prepared to fight. Of course she escaped alive.

 _I'm so relieved!_ Rey gasps.

 _Me, too,_ he thinks.

"What?" Hux blusters. "How? Captain, the Supreme Leader will—"

"We are bringing back a prisoner," Phasma cuts in. "Who might have vital information."

"Who?" Kylo demands. _A prisoner_. For him to interrogate, no doubt. Will he even be able to do it, when he won't want to find whatever information they seek, if that information means Leia Organa's death?

"The stormtrooper who betrayed us. FN-2187."

"Why didn't you just kill him?" Hux scoffs. "He's useless, a traitor—"

"We can find out why he did what he did, prevent another mishap," Phasma interrupts again.

"Indeed," Kylo says, mostly just to irk Hux.

"And he was travelling with Leia Organa. I suspect he has information that Snoke may benefit from."

"We can hope," Hux sneers.

Rey's clambering through his mind. Her fear permeates him. _Finn_.

 _Is that what the traitor styles himself?_ Kylo snips as he stalks away from the general.

 _Please don't kill him, Ben._

 _Don't use that name! It belongs to someone who no longer exists!_

Would Kylo Ren fear so much for his mother, though? Would Kylo Ren even call her his _mother? Why am I calling the General that?_

 _Ben!_ Rey screams back as Kylo enters his chamber. _He's my friend! Please!_

He can feel her clawing through his mind, trying to grasp his location. He blocks her. _Don't even attempt it. You're not strong enough yet._

 _Please._

 _If you give me your location, my uncle's, maybe we can talk,_ he tells her, heart thumping.

 _You're a monster._

"I know it was you!"

The shout cuts through the unclosed door. Kylo whirls around.

Hux stands there, lips curled, teeth bared, like a rabid beast.

"What," Kylo demands. "Are you talking about? _Get out of here!"_ He ignites his lightsaber.

 _Ben, please, Ben—I'm begging you—_

 _Shut up!_

Hux whips out a blaster.

"You really want to do this?" Kylo asks. The lightsaber hums.

"You told the Resistance. I don't know how—probably with that Force shit—but I _know_ it was you." Hux steps closer. "All you ever do is ruin my—"

"I should have known this was about you and your blasted ego," Kylo retorts. "Isn't everything?"

" _My_ ego?" Hux laughs. "I'm not the one routinely subverting Snoke's orders to chase after my own personal interests! Remember the droid?"

"You're just jealous."

 _Aren't you both adults?_ Rey huffs.

Kylo's stomach twinges. He retracts the lightsaber. "Get out of here, Hux."

The redheaded general lowers the blaster, still glaring at Kylo.

 _Kill him. You can do it—use the Force…_

 _No one has the right to hurt you. Or insult you._ Snoke's voice echoes.

Kylo can feel Rey in his mind, waiting, breathing.

He turns away from Hux, back towards the mask of his grandfather.

 _What's happening to me?_ He's asking himself. He's asking Rey. He's asking his grandfather.

When the pew of a blaster shoots, Kylo's taken aback. It scrapes his shoulder, but Kylo swings around to freeze the second shot inches from his head, and to freeze the general.

 _Ben!_

Is that _concern_ he hears in her voice? Kylo shakes his head as he calls for stormtroopers.

Hux glowers, still defiant even though he cannot move anything but his eyes.

"We'll see what Snoke thinks now," Kylo says, but the taunt comes out devoid of pleasure.

The troopers come and carry the General away. Kylo steels himself, pressing his fingers into the torn skin of his shoulder and wincing. He'll have to bandage it before he goes to Snoke.

 _Are you all right?_ Rey questions.

Kylo swallows. _If I was dead, wouldn't it solve so many of your problems?_

 _You're the only one who can help Finn,_ she responds. _You're my only hope._

Rey may not know the significance of those words, but Kylo does, or _Ben_ does, and his eyes sting worse than his wound.

For all the times Snoke praised his specialness, how different and useful he is, he's never called Kylo his _hope_.

* * *

Luke feels her presence before he even spots the black dot of a ship up in the atmosphere. _Leia_. His sister. The one whose pleas he always answered, up until fifteen years ago, when Luke failed to answer the most desperate of any of her requests.

Chewie sniffs the air and lets out the happiest roar. Rey's eyes sparkle, and R2 blips in ecstasy as they watch the ship land beside the _Falcon_.

"Are you okay?" Rey asks him, and Luke nods, because he doesn't know what else to do.

There she is. His sister. Hair graying, face still beautiful and _strong_ , in spite of it all.

In spite of Luke.

She marches straight for him. Rey helpfully stands aside, as does Chewie. R2 veers towards BB-8 as a pilot Luke doesn't recognize climbs out and manages a small wave to Rey.

"Leia," Luke says. Her name. That's all he can say.

One corner of her mouth tightens, and Luke flinches. The other trembles, and then her entire face trembles, and she wraps her arms around him. " _Luke_."

"Chewie—maybe we should—?" Luke hears Rey suggest. Footsteps tell him they're leaving the siblings in privacy.

"What happened?" Luke asks.

"Han's dead."

"Rey told me." Luke shakes his head. "Leia, I'm so—I'm so sorry." _More than you know._

"We lost another good member of the Resistance yesterday," Leia says. "An ex-stormtrooper."

Luke's eyebrows fly up. "An ex-stormtrooper?"

She nods. "Walk with me."

"Careful, Leia," he calls, hurrying after her. "The paths here can be slippery."

She slows but continues. "We need you."

Luke deflates. This is what he feared. "Leia—"

"The _galaxy_ needs you, Luke Skywalker." She spins around, grasping his shoulders. "Why did you leave? Surely no Jedi temple can be that—"

"Leia, I _failed_ ," Luke interrupts. "I failed Ben in ways I didn't even fail Anakin Skywalker. I failed all my padawans, all their families. I failed—" He shakes his head. _It's more my fault than I can ever tell you._

Because he'd encouraged his nephew.

Luke looks out at the water, gray like the clouds, dark in pools overshadowed by the island. He can't tell Leia that, seduced by the notion of harnessing the Dark _and_ the Light, he'd encouraged Ben's exploits into what becoming a gray Jedi might be like.

 _If once you down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice._

But it hadn't consumed Anakin, not forever. The fact that Luke stands her, inhaling the salty air and feeling the dampness against his skin is proof enough of that.

He could have saved Ben, though. He chose not to, because of his own curiosity, because if his own greed and thirst for knowledge. He'd used the boy like an experiment, and when it went horribly wrong and Luke found the crumpled bodies of all his apprentices, burned and some of them, in pieces, he fled.

Because only then did Luke understand how Obi-Wan felt, how Yoda felt.

When Yoda claimed he was too old, had he really meant that, or had he meant that he himself was too afraid?

Without him, Luke hoped that Ben would come back to the Light. Instead, he'd apparently embraced the Dark even more tightly than Anakin. He'd murdered Han.

Luke spreads his hands, sees that they're clean, and drags them along a mossy stone, watching the mud and green smear and scratch. Because Han's blood is on them, almost as much as it's on Ben's.

"It was Snoke," Leia says, with a sigh as if she, too, is finally revealing a secret.

"Of course it was." _And it was me._

"I told Han, right before I—before he—" Leia shakes her head and sits down on a wet stone. "He was watching Ben from infancy. I never told anyone—I thought I could protect him—I thought I could shield him—I thought by sending him to you—"

Luke breathes, tries to absorb this. "Then—did you—why didn't you tell me? Warn me?" _I would never have encouraged him if I'd known!_

"You know me," Leia admits. "I like to rely on myself."

Luke drops to the ground beside her. Silence elapses, save for a slight rustling behind them.

"Do you think there's still hope?" Leia asks, her voice like steel, so brave always, and yet a façade.

"There's always hope," Luke answers. _But it's not through me._

"Rey?" Leia asks. "How is she doing?"

"She's strong in the Force," Luke answers. "Stronger than anyone I've ever seen… save for Ben."

Leia waits.

"There's darkness in her, too," Luke admits. Above them, the sun struggles to claw through the gloom.

"Yoda once told you there was darkness in you, as well," Leia reminds him.

Luke stabs his fingers into the grass, into the soil. "There still is." He looks at Leia, and she sees the torment, and still she doesn't ask even though she so, so wants to, and he can tell. "I'm afraid of failing her," he confesses.

"You won't," Leia reassures him. "Her fate will not be my son's. Although Ben's has yet to be completed."

A Wookiee growls from behind them. Leia lifts her head. "Chewbacca!"

Chewie embraces her. Rey and the pilot linger behind.

"Luke, you remember Shara Bey and Kes Dameron?" Leia asks. "This is their son, Poe."

Luke smiles. More brave souls, gone before their time. Judging by the haunted look on Poe's face, he's lost much as well in these wars.

And Luke is so tired of fighting.

* * *

On board the _Finalizer_ , Kylo huddles against a wall, replaying what Rey overheard.

 _Do you think there's still hope?_

 _Ben's has yet to be completed…_

 _There's darkness in her…_

He feels Rey's worry, but he also feels his mother's words. She still hopes. _Still_. Even knowing what he did to Han.

 _She loves you,_ Rey confirms. _I don't know why._

And he hears her wondering whether her parents, whomever they were, would have loved her that much. Would they be proud of her? Did they even know she had the Force?

 _Your parents would have been proud of you,_ Ben tells her.

 _How would you know?_

 _Unless Snoke is your father, anyone would be proud of you._

There's a rap outside his door. "Sir!"

Ben pries himself off the floor, opening the door. "Yes?" Does Snoke want him to explain what happened with Hux _again?_

"Captain Phasma has arrived, sir. The prisoner is in interrogation."

Kylo nods. "I'll be right there."

 _Ben's has yet to be completed…_ His fate. It's his fate to become strong, unbreakable, untouchable. He's always believed that… been told that.

But this quest has hurt him far worse than he imagined.

 _Ben, please. Don't do this._

He stumbles down the hall with less certainty, less authority, than he's ever felt.


	6. Chapter 6

Kylo opens the door to the interrogation room to find the traitor strapped into the chair he once held Poe in, held Rey in, unconscious.

Kylo uses the Force to snap FN-2187 out of it. _Finn_. Chosen from the letters that were part of his stormtrooper identity?

 _Don't—_

 _Get_ out, he hisses even as his stomach undulates and he has to breath through his mouth to stymie the nausea.

 _No._

"Oh, shit," is the first thing Finn says—or really, slurs. "Not _you."_

She's quiet, but she's still in his mind, and he could block her, but he doesn't have the energy or the willpower. _She's weakening you. The bond is weakening you._

Kylo sits back on the table. "Welcome back, FN-2187."

"The name's _Finn_."

 _My name is Kylo Ren!_

Maybe, he thinks. They have more in common that they realize.

But he isn't so sure he really is Kylo Ren, and as he studies Finn, without needing to plunge into his mind, Ben is quite sure Finn is _Finn_.

 _You don't have to be this._

"Captain Phasma seemed to think we might get some useful information from you."

"Give it your best shot." There's fear in the creases riddling Finn's brow, but defiance too. Kylo respects him for it.

 _She still loves you._

 _Come home. We miss you._

 _Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test._

Kylo leans closer, heart pounding. Even as he stretches out his hand, he doesn't know which side to which he'll fall.

And then he feels the small snap of energy from Finn's head and withdraws.

"I'm too intimidating?" Finn tries to boast.

 _Finn has the Force._ The energy stirs just beneath the surface, far less potent than Rey's, but still— _there_.

 _Finn has the Force?_ Rey interrupts, sounding giddy.

Kylo swallows. Untrained, he doubts Finn will be able to resist him. Of course, he once thought the same about Rey.

Rey's laughing. Kylo scowls.

Finn scowls back at him, even though he can't see Kylo under his mask.

He can still do this. Finn might not be as strong as Rey was.

Kylo presses in, ever so slightly. He sees the stormtrooper's heart—sees a little boy cowering before General Hux's father, huddling with his friends as the man rants and raves with a vicious veneer, sees _Rey_ …

Kylo retreats before he can go further. With a swipe of his hand, Ben sends Finn back into unconsciousness and strides out of the room.

 _Thank you_ , comes her voice.

 _I'll help you,_ he snarls.

 _You will?_

 _But you'll have to help me, too._

 _With what?_

He doesn't get to respond before Phasma marches up to him. "What did you get from him?"

"He's much too injured," Ben lies. "Give him a few hours with a medical droid, and I'll try again."

The captain cocks her head. "All right, then."

"Snoke informed you about General Hux?"

"Yes." Phasma falls into step beside him. Every passing stormtrooper straightens as they stalk by. "I never liked the man, but I must admit this offense of his surprises me. The General has always been a man of control."

"Control, yes, but suspicion also. And jealousy," Kylo adds. He knows Hux suspects the truth: that his usefulness to Snoke might run out at any time. And Kylo sees the same look in Hux's eyes that he sees in Snoke's eyes, except without the accompanying years of experience, without the guidance of the Force: he wants to rule. He wants order, and he wants it to be _his_ order.

"He puts his own interests above those of the First Order." Phasma turns and faces Kylo, and he feels her unspoken words. _Rather like you._

"And you?" Kylo asks silkily. Because they both know whatever information Finn can give them, it still makes little sense for Phasma to have brought him back as a prisoner.

She resumes walking. "My troops are the best, Ren. They always have been. FN-2187, despite his occasional displays of empathy, showed much promise. I want to know where he went wrong, so that we can _fix_ it."

 _Of course he was among the best. He has the Force,_ Kylo realizes.

Did the Light call to Finn, halting him from firing on the villagers back on Jakku, the same way the Light whispered to Kylo then, preventing him from killing Finn on the spot?

"Hux may not see the value in learning about every single stormtrooper, but I do, Ren. It makes them better soldiers."

Kylo nods under his helmet and steps away from her.

 _Traitor!_

His own voice screams in his mind. Who is he, without the First Order? Surely not a part of the Resistance. Who will he serve then? Himself? That sounds empty, and the sheer nothingness grabs hi, drags him down to drown as he slams his lightsaber into the wall, anything to stop the numbness.

 _I want to be free of this pain._

This nothing gnaws worse than pain.

 _We're not done yet._

 _It's just us now. Han Solo can't save you._

 _He_ can help Rey save her friend now, though.

 _You are nothing._

Kylo kicks at his grandfather's helmet. "Liar!" he screams at the inanimate object, dead and burned.

 _Han Solo can't save you._

* * *

"Poe, wake up," Rey hisses, shaking the pilot awake. "Poe, come on!" She clamps her hand over his mouth as he tries to yell. "Shh!"

"What are you doing?" he says, voice muffled by her hand.

"Finn's _alive_."

Poe's eyes widen, and for the first time, the shimmer of sorrow dies away. "How would you—"

"I'll tell you once we're on the _Falcon_."

"Wait, what?" Poe blinks.

"I need a copilot."

"What for?"

"We're going to rescue him, obviously." Rey swallows. "He didn't leave me in the First Order's hands. I can't leave him, either."

Poe glances over his shoulder. "Aren't we waking up Luke and the General? Chewie?"

Rey shakes her head. "It has to be us." She frowns. "And BB-8. We can take BB-8. I'll explain once we're on board."

"No offense, but I barely know you. How—"

"Just trust me, _please_! For Finn?" Rey knows those last two words are all it will take. Poe struggles to his feet, following her onto the legendary ship. He beckons for BB-8 to join, and silently, the droid rolls up the ramp.

"Wow," Poe says in awe as he looks all around the Falcon, studying the hologame table, the bunk, heading towards the cockpit. Rey closes the ramp behind them.

"Now," Poe says as he settles in the pilot's chair. "Will you—"

"You're in my seat," Rey says and points to the co-pilot's chair.

"Right." Poe moves. "What is going on? How can you be so sure he's alive?"

"The Force." Rey flips several switches.

"Just… the Force?" Poe sounds skeptical.

"It's a bit more complicated than that," Rey allows as the Millennium Falcon begins to lift off. BB-8 whirs curiously. Below them, she hears shouts. _I'm so sorry, Luke._

As they zip out of the planet, Rey admits: "Kylo Ren told me."

Poe doesn't do anything for a moment. Slowly he turns to her, his jaw hovering open and his eyes popping. " _What?_ The _what?"_

"Have you ever heard of a Force bond?"

"No, but—" Poe struggles to find the words. "It doesn't sound _good!"_

"Well, it can be kind of a pain," Rey agrees.

 _Indeed,_ Kylo adds dryly.

"But it's also useful. Neither of us wanted it at first, but—"

"Are you tellin' me you're Force bonded to Kylo Ren? That egomaniac murderer who had me beaten and then fucked with my mind?" Poe gapes at her.

She shrugs.

"Oh my—" Poe swallows. "Does Luke know?"

Rey shakes her head. "I was afraid he'd react like you're reacting."

"Like I'm— _the man tortured me, Rey!"_

 _Bastard_ , Rey thinks, and she feels Kylo's guilt.

 _I take no pleasure from it._

 _You still did it._ "He tried to torture me as well," she says.

"Oh, that makes everything better," Poe says sarcastically.

"He's going to help Finn escape."

"After he tortures him!"

 _I won't!_

"He says he won't," Rey reports.

Poe shakes his head rapidly. "You're actually crazy. She's actually crazy, BB-8," Poe says, turning to the droid, who stings him. " _BB-8!_ Why'd you do that?"

"Thank you, BB-8," Rey says.

"Okay," Poe says, holding his knee as if the sting still hurts. "Assuming this is all accurate and you're not crazy— _ow_ , dammit, BB-8! You're supposed to be _my_ droid! Stop— _ow!_ —what makes you think you can trust him?"

BB-8 withdraws its silver arm, purring at Rey as if to ask if she's proud of it. Rey pats it on the head.

"Because when we're able to stroll through each others minds on a whim, you kind of get to know a person," Rey returns.

 _You feel like you know me?_ Ben asks, his voice almost timid.

 _In some ways._

"Besides," Rey says. "We need to get Finn back. If you help me for no other reason—help me for Finn."

Poe studies her and nods. "That, I'll do."

* * *

 _How close are you?_ he asks Rey. He's lingering in Finn's interrogation room again, unable to torture him, unable to leave without making Finn scream.

 _Give us another day, and we'll be in position._

 _That's not enough time!_

Finn stares at him without flinching. Kylo stretches out his hand again, and all he sees in Finn's mind is Rey. And he sees the moment Finn decided he couldn't kill for the First Order, the fear Finn felt when he himself, Kylo Ren, spotted him on Jakku, the relief and confusion when he didn't kill the stormtrooper. The way Finn felt different, hopeless that he would ever fit in, ever really _belong_. Finn groans.

Kylo withdraws and knocks Finn unconscious. _Give me your location._

 _I can get the coordinates—_

 _No, not that location!_ He huffs. _Luke's_. _I need it to tell them, or else neither of us are getting out of here alive._

 _They'll kill Finn as soon as you have it!_

 _Not without my orders. Phasma doesn't have that authority._ Kylo clenches his fist. _I'll tell them I want to keep him for my own purposes._ Questions about his family. _They'll believe it._

 _Your mother is still there, Ben. After trying to protect her—_

 _She's much too smart to stay wherever Luke is for long, and she won't leave him there._ She doesn't answer, and Ben feels her mistrust, her hesitation. _Dammit,_ please, _Rey!_

 _Ahch-To._

Ahch-To. Kylo exhales. _Okay, then._ He strides from the room, Finn unharmed, to deliver the news to Captain Phasma. He orders her to contact Snoke.

"You don't wish to do it yourself, sir?" Her helmet cocks to the side.

"No, Captain."

"And the traitor?"

"I may have further use of him." As Kylo predicted, Phasma doesn't protest.

"He may provide the clues to any weaknesses in General Hux's program, sir."

 _This_ surprises Kylo. Is she actually trying to persuade him to keep Finn alive? Kylo stalks away from her without responding.

 _He's in love with you,_ Kylo tells Rey as he enters his chambers and stares at an empty helmet that's never spoken to him.

He feels her surprise. _He is not. He barely knows me. We're friends. We care about each other._

 _He cares about you enough to risk everything for you,_ Ben argues with her. _That's love, isn't it?_

 _Are you trying to tell me I should love him?_ she retorts.

 _No._ He doesn't want her to love him, but Kylo's careful to block that from her. He doesn't even fully understand these spasms of jealousy himself. But Finn—what Kylo saw in his mind was pure, and good, and as much as Kylo's scream of _"traitor!"_ echoes, _loyal_.

He smirks as he imagines a stormtrooper and the scavenger. Both Force users.

 _Stop it!_ Rey snaps. Someone else fills her mind, and Kylo grasps the image. _The pilot?_

 _He loves Finn, too,_ she reminds him.

 _You'd sacrifice your own happiness for theirs?_

Rey sounds scared. _I don't know if loving Finn would make me happy._

* * *

"Well, this is just great," Luke says sarcastically. R2 whirs.

Chewie throws a rock into the sea.

Leia stares up at the sky that's starting to glow blue with dawn. _Why would they leave?_ It doesn't make sense. Not from Rey. Not from Poe Dameron.

"Did the Dark Side—" Luke stops himself as Leia glares at him.

"That is not going to help!"

"But it could have—"

Leia waves her arms. "How, Luke? She's been with you this past month, training on an island with a Jedi temple! The _first_ Jedi temple!"

R2 bleeps.

"What is it?" Luke snaps.

R2 bleeps and blips.

"Rescue—Finn? I thought you said he was—" Luke looks to Leia.

"It doesn't make any sense for them to keep him alive," she offers.

R2 insists that BB-8 told it that Rey and Poe went to rescue him.

"The _Force_ told her?" Luke stares at the droid, at Leia. "That's news to me."

"Don't Force visions exist? Maybe Rey has a penchant for them," Leia suggests. "Did BB-8 tell you where they were going, by any chance, R2?"

R2 replies in the negative.

Leia kicks a stone herself. Why hadn't Rey told her? Why didn't Rey want anyone coming with her except Poe? And is Finn actually alive, or is it a trap?

Chewie comes over, roaring his own suggestion.

"That's not a bad idea," Leia tells him.

"What?" Luke asks.

Leia grabs her brother's arm, hauling him upright. "You're coming with us. You're leaving the island."

Luke blinks. "What for?"

"We need to talk to Maz Kanata."

* * *

"What should be done to him?" Snoke's voice, throaty and cold, floats through the air. Kylo stiffens.

He feels Rey in his mind, and he doesn't want to push her out even though he knows it would be safest for him, for the First Order, for her even. But this is the first time he's faced Snoke when he knows he plans to betray him, when the firm belief that what he's doing is _right_ , the belief that's kept his heart beating all these years, is gone.

 _Rey._ Helping her is _right_. Or maybe not, not if the First Order is right, and Kylo's not sure they're not, but maybe things are more gray than they seem. But if he's wrong to do this, _he's_ wrong, and Kylo sees Han Solo falling away, spiraling down into a void and all the while knowing he shouldn't have done it, that shouldn't have happened, even as the conviction pulsing through his veins insisted it had to.

"What is your opinion, Supreme Leader?" Kylo asks.

"You are going to complete your training, Kylo Ren. The decision is yours."

Rey is silent, but present, and Kylo realizes she knows exactly the feelings he's experiencing. She, too, stood on the edge of killing someone she loathed—him. He remembers staring up at her, torn apart with blue shock and red pain, and thinking only of his father.

And she didn't do it, and the earth opened up.

"Killing him may demoralize our troops," Kylo says, adding a note of disdain to his tone. His preference for a clone army is no secret. "His loyalty is still with the First Order."

"You looked inside his mind?"

"Yes," he lies again. It's partially true, though—Hux craves the success of the First Order. The only difference is Hux wants to _be_ the success of the First Order. "I will deliver him to you for punishment. Then, perhaps, he can redeem himself."

Snoke leans closer, hologram waffling. "Indeed."

The hologram vanishes. Ben wilts in relief.


	7. Chapter 7

**Trigger warning for brief (non-descriptive) mentions of abuse and self-harm in this chapter (contained in the long, italicized section).  
**

* * *

"Drink, _traitor_." Finn wakes to cold water splashing over his face, charging down his nostrils, burning his throat. He gags and hacks.

He wonders what Rey felt, what Poe felt, when they were chained to a chair like this, at the mercy of the First Order. He thinks back to all the prisoners he saw marched out of this room to their deaths.

 _I deserve this._

 _No._ No, he doesn't.

 _I just want to get away from the First Order._

Well, now he's back with them. Their prisoner, at the mercy of his fellow stormtroopers, one of whom kicks Finn in the groin.

 _Shit._

"I don't even know why they're keeping you around," jeers one. "You're a worthless traitor, you know that? That's all you've ever been. First you betrayed us—" He kicks Finn again, and Finn's head swims with agony. "And now you've betrayed your bloody Resistance."

 _What?_

"We'll get Luke Skywalker," sneers the stormtrooper. "And when we do, everyone will know that you're just like all the other pathetic, weak Resistance fighters we've captured. We'll get the one you rescued, too—the pilot."

 _Poe_.

Finn has no memory of giving Kylo Ren anything. _Is that how this mind stuff works?_ Did Poe remember the actual moment Kylo Ren tore the map's location from his mind? Did Poe experience this crushing shame, an anguish that surpasses any abuse this stormtrooper can inflict?

"Not that you'll be around to see it. You're outliving your use already, but I hope Ren makes you suffer." The stormtrooper aims an electric blaster at Finn, and Finn gasps despite himself.

 _Coward!_

" _What_ are you doing, L5-34?" Kylo Ren glides into the room.

L5-34 stands at attention. "Giving the prisoner some water, sir."

"And taking matters into your own hands." Kylo Ren ignites his lightsaber. "He is not yours to play with!" he roars in a voice so terrifying goosebumps shoot up Finn's arms.

L5-34 cowers, hands raised. "Sir, I—"

"Get out!" Kylo screams, and the stormtrooper scurries away. Kylo hacks at the walls, screaming. " _And if anyone enters this room without my express prior commission, I'll take his head!"_

"I'm that valuable?" Finn quips, partially hoping Kylo will run him through, end all this, and partially because he knows he has no value.

Kylo withdraws the lightsaber, peering at him through that inscrutable mask.

"What gives you the right to think you have access to anyone's mind?" Finn blurts out, enraged. "To Rey's—to Poe's—to mine—is your goal just to humiliate us before we die?"

"My goal is to _win_ , Finn."

"Your goal is to—" Finn blinks " _What_ did you just call me? _"_

Kylo waves his hand, and black curtains collapse over Finn's world.

* * *

"Finn okay?"

"Yeah."

Poe passes her a plate of instant bread and some vegetables. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Tomorrow we'll have Finn back," Rey says, trying to lighten Poe's demeanor. He scowls.

Rey goes back to chewing quietly. BB-8 sidles up to her and squeaks. _He's just sad._

"I know he's sad," Rey whispers.

"Wait, what? BB-8! Come on now."

"Poe, really I just had to look at your face," Rey points out. The bread is bland, but soft and filling.

Poe tinkers with the navigation. "I just feel guilty."

"About what?"

"General Organa. She'll be furious. She's like—" Poe tears off a piece of bread and pops it into his mouth. "My mom died when I was eight, okay? She served the Rebellion, as a pilot. And she never brought up her time in the war. And then after she died and I became a pilot and left the New Republic to serve the Resistance, it was like I'd make her proud, you know? And General Organa feels—"

"Like a mother?" Rey's heart aches. She thinks of all her nights on Jakku, spent hoping that any of the ships she heard landing were her mother, her father, coming back for her.

But they never came.

"Like my hero," Poe corrects. "And I'm letting her down."

"She'd have done the same, though, wouldn't she?" Rey persists. "For Han?"

A ghost of a smirk flickers on Poe's face. "Maybe."

"Finn's worth it, right?"

"Of course. I do wish we had a better informant, though."

"Yeah, well, being Force bonded to him isn't exactly my first choice either." Rey picks at a limp vegetable. "But it's worked out for the best. We can get Finn back."

"And after?" Poe asks her. "Will—he—just go back to slaughtering innocent planets on their brand new and improved Starkiller? Which you can tell him we'll just blow up again, by the way."

 _What_ are _you going to do?_ Rey asks.

 _I never did that,_ Kylo's voice cuts through. _I never supported the Starkiller Base operation. I still don't._

 _You didn't stop it,_ she answers. _So you were still a part of it._

"He could defect," Rey says to the man in her head and the man in front of her.

"Hell _no_ ," Poe vetoes.

 _What are you planning to do?_ Rey persists. _Continue to train with Snoke? Your heart isn't in it, and you know it._

She feels fear swarming him, and doubts, and all kinds of accusations: _weak. You'll never be what you could be now. It's in your blood, the weakness, the sentiment._ The voice speaking isn't Kylo's—it's hollow, ghastly and scrapes against Rey's skull.

 _I could run,_ he offers.

 _That's rich._

"Great," Poe says. "I'll leave you to your mental telepathic conversations with a mass murderer." He grabs her empty plate, clattering it against his own as he moves away.

 _Come and help us. Help the Resistance,_ Rey pleads.

 _I can't. The Resistance isn't any better than the First Order. You kill in the name of your cause, too._

Rey groans and leans back. BB-8 whirs curiously. _Your mother misses you._ Unspoken, she wonders if her mother ever missed her, whoever she is, wherever she is.

 _If she's worth anything as a mother, she did. Or does,_ Ben says to her, brushing aside her comment about his mother.

 _Why did she leave me?_ The only thing Rey remembers is her mother's voice calling her "sweetheart," promising to come _back_.

 _I might know the answer to that,_ he tells her.

Rey sits upright, peering out the windshield, between the stars. _What? You? How?_

 _When I—when I killed, or helped kill—when the Knights of Ren turned on Luke and destroyed the Jedi academy, there was a lot of fear. People might have thought it was another Order 66. Rey, if your mother—your parents—knew you were Force sensitive, they may have tried to hide you._

Rey can't believe what she's hearing. She slams her hand down on the chair.

"Is he hurting you?" Poe hollers.

"No!" _So you—_

He doesn't say anything, but sorrow rages, and she realizes that for all his bravado, he's drowning in regret.

 _So you care about me?_

 _It's hard not to when you're feeling someone's emotions_ , he retorts. The snippy tone sounds far more serious than Rey's guessing he intends.

 _What happened to you?_ she asks, curious.

 _Snoke showed me the power of the Dark Side. I wanted to be powerful._

 _Why, though?_ She's asking because she cares.

He hesitates, and then it's as if a curtain's been lifted, and he lets her in.

* * *

" _Don't make me! I'm scared." Four-year-old Ben hides behind his mother's legs._

" _There's nothing to be scared of, Ben."_

" _Just an old, orange person with crazy eyes," Maz Kanata, his father's friend, agrees. She removes her goggles and offers them to him. Ben shakes his head._

" _Well, I'll do it," proclaims his father, crouching down and putting the goggles on his own face. Ben laughs and peeks out at Maz again. She still looks scary. But also, kind. Father slips the goggles over Ben's eyes.  
_

 _"I can't see!"_

 _"Neither can I," Maz jokes as Ben lifts them off his head._

 _He steps out, and Maz puts her small hand on Ben's head. "This child is strong with the Force. Like his mother and your father before him," she says to Mother.  
_

" _Like Uncle Luke?" Ben asks._

" _Exactly," Mother says._

 _That night, Ben closes his eyes and, even as he dreams of chasing Chewie around the Millennium Falcon, there's the distinct feeling that someone is watching him._

" _He wasn't fully bad, Ben," Uncle Luke tells the five-year-old child sprawled at his feet. "He thought what he was doing was right. It just… wasn't."_

" _But you beat him!" crows the boy, staring up at his uncle with eyes of awe._

" _And then he saved me." Luke's face, brave and young and full of hope, breaks into a grin._

" _Where'd you see his ghost again?" Ben asks._

" _Endor."_

" _We should go there," Ben declares, sitting up, hair falling over his eyes. "Sometime."_

" _The Ewoks would probably sacrifice you," teases his father as he strides in, grabbing Ben by his waist and lifting him high in the air. "To 3PO!"_

" _Oh, dear," sighs the droid._

 _Ben wraps his arms around Father's neck as Father starts to tickle him. Ben laughs and squirms, and then the next thing he knows, he's on the ground and his father is too, and Ben's screaming because he didn't mean to Force push his father so hard.  
_

" _I'm all right, kid," grunts Father. "You didn't kill me."_

 _But even at five, Ben sees a scrape on his father's face and stares at his hands, wondering what he's done, what he could do, and he's afraid._

 _Fear is common. Fear invades his dreams regularly, until a tall creature, somewhat like a human and somewhat not, comes to banish all the nightmares._

" _Don't worry," the creature says to him. "You're just dreaming."_

 _And then Ben is six, and he's sick of the New Republic senators taking up so much of his mother's time, and he smashes their plates at dinner in Cloud City. Lor San Tekka gets a glass splinter in his chin and there's blood and Ben flees to his room, hiding under his bed until Chewie comes to him, pulls him close as they wait for the inevitable judgment from Ben's parents._

" _Promise me," Father says to him that night, kneeling down and forcing Ben to look him in the eye. "That you won't ever use the Force to hurt people again."_

 _Ben nods, tears throbbing behind his eyes. "I promise."_

 _That night, the tall creature drifts into his dreams again. "Why did you do it?"_

 _Ben knows it's no use to lie to his sleep friend. "I was angry. They forget about me sometimes. They think—."_

" _They think their missions are more important than you?" The creature bends down to look at Ben. "Anger can be a good thing, you know. You can use anger to do many things, powerful things."_

 _When Ben is seven, he dreams of his father falling, of blackness so thick and invasive it's chewing him up, swallowing him in pieces, and he wakes up screaming for the first time in years, because no one showed up to chase it away. He screamed for the dream man, whose name he doesn't even know, but he didn't come.  
_

" _The Force can't be worth this, Leia!" Father yells._

" _It's not the Force!" Ben defends—defends what? The Force? Or himself? Are they even distinct? "I like having the Force! I want to be like Mother, like Uncle Luke, like Grandfather! You just don't understand because you don't have the Force! I don't want to be like that! I don't want to be like you!" And then Chewie howls, and Ben buries his face in the blankets covering his bunk because he knows he's said a terrible thing._

" _Great," his father says. "Did you hear that, Leia? The kid just told me he doesn't want to be like me."_

" _Where were you?" Ben asks the next time the man walks through his sleep._

" _I was busy," the man replies curtly. "What happened, child?"_

" _I said something bad to Father, and he went away again, and I'm scared he won't come back." Ben's crying, and the man wipes his tears with small noises of disgust, because he's always tells him to be brave, never to cry._ Forget your tears.

 _And Ben is eight, and begging his parents to take him with them, and they've_ agreed _. "Just promise not to create trouble," Mother warns him._

" _I won't!"_

 _He doesn't, until trouble finds him in the form of a gross senator Ben's heard Mother saying she doesn't trust. Ben follows him, telling himself he's not really breaking his promise to Mother as deluded dreams of finding the man's a traitor, being hailed a_ _hero and impressing Mother and telling Father it was the Force that led him instead of just curiosity, silencing that criticism forever, pull him along._

 _And the man finds out he's being followed and traps Ben in a room, and all his bravado sinks away._

" _Are you following me?"_

" _Don't tell my parents," Ben begs the man._

" _If I keep your secret," the man says. "You have to keep one for me."_

 _And Ben knows it's wrong and knows he could use the Force to stop him, but if he does and Mother finds out, if Father finds out he used the Force to hurt someone again…_

 _He doesn't stop him, and afterwards, Ben's nightmares return worse than ever, and he never asks to go on a journey with his parents again. They worry for his nightmares, Mother blanches when she finds Ben scraping his forearms raw with a tree branch because isn't that what he deserves, but he can't tell them._

 _He tells his dream friend, though, who tells him that he knows how to make sure Ben never gets hurt again. And Ben knows he's talking about the Dark Side, and runs away, waking up screaming worse than ever._

 _Only Mother comes in to comfort him, and then she leaves the next day to go back to the New Republic, to meet with more senators, and Ben hates them all._

 _And Ben is nine, and his mother is telling him not to practice the Force anymore, that it's too volatile, and Ben realizes that he's not like Uncle Luke—he's weaker, or else Mother would encourage him._

 _And for the first time in almost a year, he calls out to the man who used to walk his dreams, who returns the instant he asks.  
_

 _He's ten, and Mother's sending him away to Luke's academy after several explosive fights with Father, the last of which ended with Han storming out of the house._

" _Be brave," Mother encourages him. "Make your father proud. Make both of us proud."_

 _He learns Snoke's name that year._

 _And Ben's eleven and asking Luke about gray Jedi, as Snoke suggests, and although Luke brushes him off at first, he eventually tolerates, even encourages, Ben's pursuits. Until Ben's thirteen and refuses to speak to his parents unless forced, because in his heart he wonders if they even love him, and Luke cracks down, ending the gray Jedi pursuit. So Ben learns to hide._

 _And he's fourteen and learning more about the First Order, this group Snoke is the Supreme Leader of, and sees visions of the Knights of Ren._ You could be one of them, _Snoke tells him._

 _Under Snoke's tutelage, even if only in dreams, Ben learns so much more than Luke teaches him. He learns that his anger, his pain, the things he thought were weaknesses—they can be strengths, they can be weapons, they can defend. Snoke shows him his grandfather as Darth Vader, for the first time without condemnation, and Ben revels in the revelation._

" _Choose your own name this time," Snoke suggests._

 _Because Ben's not very creative, he takes letters from his grandfather's last name, and his father's. "Kylo," he tells Snoke the next time. "My name is Kylo Ren."_

 _And he's fifteen and Snoke shows him how to craft his own lightsaber, flawed though it is, and authorizes him for his first mission. "You're ready." Ready to kill his peers, destroy the Jedi academy, and meet Snoke, his savior, in person._

" _You," Snoke purrs. "Will carry out your grandfather's legacy."_

 _The padawans he ate with, he laughed with, scream and flee and Kylo won't let himself give in to his fear as he slices them all down. Luke screams and screams, tries to stop Kylo, but he freezes his uncle as Luke bends over a padawan, clutching the girl's face. Rain gushes down, but what he's done can never be washed away._

 _Even though Luke escapes and disappears, Snoke appears pleased when Kylo Ren meets him for the first time._

" _Let the name Ben Solo never be spoken again," Snoke proclaims._

* * *

 _Han Solo… you feel as if he's the father you never had. He would have disappointed you._

 _Han Solo can't save you now._

Rey leans forward, closing her eyes. Kylo— _no_ , she'll never call him by that name again— _Ben_ —is still there, a storm of emotions in her brain. _I'm so sorry._

 _Why?_

 _Ben—not all of that—that wasn't your fault—_

 _Now do you see?_ he finally demands. _Why I can't go back?_

 _I see the reason you_ should _go back,_ Rey says, her heart thumping. _Can't you see? Snoke's been playing you. He's—he's using you for your power, and when he gets what he wants, he'll crush you!_

 _That's not true!_ He sounds like a child clenched his fist around the idea of his dream friend, his friend who promised him great things, clinging to his dream even as reality tears it apart. He's a child scratching lines on a metal wall, fifteen years later.

 _Why is it so hard to believe you swallowed a lie?_ she hisses. _I did! For fifteen years, I thought—I hoped—I believed they'd come back._ She curls her hand into a fist, slams it into her own leg.

 _Stop it!_ Ben shouts.

Rey wipes at her eyes, abandonment still raw, still stinging. Is this a wound she'll carry forever? _If you don't come, you'll never become all you could be._

 _I don't know whether I even want to, anymore._

 _The Resistance can protect you_ , she tries again.

 _By executing me?_ he scoffs.

 _You're not afraid of dying, and you know it,_ Rey snaps. _You're afraid of facing your mother._ She wishes he were more afraid of dying. His recklessness scares her.

 _Contact me again when you're in position,_ he says, and blocks her.

* * *

 _When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you._

 _Worse than the weight of so many memories_? Kylo spreads his hands out, studies them as if he expects to see some sort of dark spot, a blotch, a stain. There's none. His fingers rise to his face, tracing his scar.

 _Ben's fate has yet to be completed…_

He's never told anyone all of those secrets before, never let anyone in to see the memories that haunt him, the fear that scrabbles against his soul every moment that he's _bad_.

 _Promise me._

 _I promise._

He's hurt so many people with the Force. He killed his father for the Force.

Kylo upends the formerly sacred table, sending Darth Vader's helmet toppling from its shrine. He screams into his fist.

What made him share that with Rey? Was it sheer desperation? Did he want to absolve himself before her? Both? Both, with a need to trust someone, anyone, a need to not be alone like he's been these fifteen years, a need to let someone who can actually respond back _—_ instead of a decaying, silent helmet _—_ know the secrets hidden inside him?

And if they go through with this plan—if the _Finalizer_ beams up the _Falcon_ and they rescue Finn without all getting killed, what can he do?

 _If she dies, what will you become?_

 _If_ she _dies, what will you become?_

Kylo drops to his knees, picks up the helmet and gazes at it. No one looks back at him.

 _Rey?_

 _Ben?_

 _Change of plans,_ he tells her. _Get yourself to the coordinates I'll give you. I'll meet you there._


	8. Chapter 8

Finn snaps to attention, the silver chrome of the _Finalizer's_ interrogation room jarring his vision.

Ren stands before him, cloaked in black and masked.

"What do you _want?"_ Finn groans.

Distorted through the mask, Kylo Ren's voice nonetheless sounds softer than Finn remembers it. "Are you strong enough to walk?"

"Why?"

"Answer me!"

"Yeah, I guess so. Why, making me walk to my own execution?" Finn asks, trying to muster some bravado. He knows the First Order has no use for him. "Will it be with a blaster or a lightsaber?"

Kylo Ren snaps his restraints off, binding Finn's wrists. Finn glares at him, relishing in his hatred.

 _I'm not going to run, Rey,_ Finn thinks, though he knows she can't hear him. _I'll be brave._ He remembers her hug and draws strength from that. She holds him upright—Rey, and Poe Dameron, and Leia Organa… with them, he felt like he had a family.

The First Order might be about to kill him, but they weren't executing one of their own.

Kylo Ren escorts him into the jaws of his intimidating black shuttle with its sharp wings. Finn tries not to falter.

Several stormtroopers wait on board. Kylo Ren turns to them. "You will leave this shuttle."

"We will leave this shuttle," they repeat, and wander off.

"What?" Finn's so confused. Did Kylo Ren want to take down Leia himself? Is he using Finn's mind to do that? Finn strains against his restraints.

Kylo punches several switches, and the shuttle lifts and soars out into space. Even masked, he glances over his shoulder as if expecting followers.

"Um," Finn says, swallowing. "Is it just us?"

Kylo turns to him, hesitates, and takes off his mask, letting it clunk on the metal floor. Finn gapes at the sight of a purple scar twisted across his face.

"This is a rescue," Kylo tells him, and—is that _pink_ in his cheeks?

"The hell?" Finn squeaks out.

"Rey misses you."

"Oh, hell no!" Finn shouts. "You're not—you're not—she's trading herself for me, isn't she?" _Sweet, stupid—she's far more important than—_

"There is no trade, _Finn_."

The use of his name jars him.

"I'm taking you to Rey and the pilot. Poe. They'll get you back to the base."

Finn stares, watching the color drain out of Kylo's face. _Disappointment?_ "Oh, I get it now. Psychological torture, right?"

"I assure you I am more than capable of that, but no, that's not what this is."

"Then what is this?" Finn yells.

"A rescue!"

"But _why?"_ Finn's voice echoes in the cavernous ship.

"Rey and I share something called a Force bond." Kylo turns back to the control panels, setting his lips as he studies them. "She wants you back." He almost smiles. "It seems a lot of people miss you."

"So you're… leaving the First Order." Is this what Poe felt, when Finn helped him? Shock? Disbelief? Afraid to hope? But Poe hadn't even known Finn, hadn't known what the First Order made him do. Finn's seen what Kylo Ren has done… to Poe, to the villagers on Jakku, to _Rey_ , to Han Solo.

Kylo grips the side panels. "Yes."

"I mean, I know I left the First Order too. I just didn't stab my father through the chest to prove it."

Kylo waves his hand, and Finn's handcuffs fall off. Finn lifts his wrists, hope worming its way in in spite of all of it, all the impossibility, all that he knows about Kylo Ren. Life rushes through him like water.

"Here." Kylo takes his lightsaber and holds it out to Finn, who freezes.

"No, thank you," Finn declines, remembering the scene with Han.

Kylo glances at the ground and drops the weapon. It clangs against the floor. "If you hold it, you might feel better."

"Knowing that I can kill you?" Finn calls as Kylo walks away. He kneels and grabs the hilt of the weapon he remembers searing his shoulder, Kylo's face twisted with malice and hate and shining with sweat.

"Did your injuries heal completely?" Kylo asks.

Finn doesn't answer. He can't. It's too strange.

* * *

"Leia!" Maz's voice booms from across her restored cantina. She rushes up to Leia, embracing her and then beckons for the Wookiee to bend down so she can place a kiss on Chewie's cheek. She turns to acknowledge Luke. "Took you long enough."

Abashed, Luke lowers his face.

"Come along now," Maz yells over her shoulder. "All of you! I don't have all day."

"Where's she taking us?" Luke mumbles to his sister.

"The basement." Leia replies with the obvious. Chewie ducks as C-3PO and R2 follow.

"Here," Maz says, pointing to an empty metal tin. "This is where I kept it."

"The lightsaber," Luke says. Watching the small orange creature, Luke still can't fathom how she came upon his old lightsaber.

"Yes. It called to her. Rey."

"She told me."

"You are certain she's not your child?" Maz asks bluntly.

Luke flinches as Leia's jaw drops. "No! I—that's not—I know. For a fact. She's not. It's not possible."

"Hm." Maz takes off her goggles, peering at him. "Then there's only one other explanation for why it called to her."

"What's that?" Leia asks, exasperated.

And somehow, Luke knows it's true. "Obi-Wan."

Maz nods.

C-3PO tuts. "Rey is Obi-Wan's daughter? That doesn't even make—"

"Grandchild," Maz corrects. "Presumably."

"But the Jedi code—" Luke starts, but he stops before Maz even motions for him to. Because he, of all Jedi, knows how even the best Jedi can wander.

"Don't think too ill of him," Maz says gently. "Arbitrary rules are sometimes more wrong to keep than to break. Especially when those rules keep you from love."

Arbitrary rules… and assumptions. _If once you down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan's apprentice._

For all Yoda's wisdom, he wasn't perfect. Luke knew then it wasn't so, simply because he had to cling to that belief, had to believe in the hero father he'd always imagined he had, at nights on Tatooine when he couldn't sleep. "Why did they give her up?"

"Given the timing, I suspect it had to do with the Jedi academy massacre," Leia says.

Maz nods. "That would make sense."

 _Which was my fault._ That meant Rey… Rey's suffering, the intense loneliness she wore like armor, is his fault too. Luke clears his throat. "Maz… where has she gone?"

"To rescue her friend, as she told you."

"But how would she know?" Luke persists. "A Force vision?"

"Perhaps." Maz studies Luke. "Search your feelings, Luke Skywalker. Search for what you know to be true."

Luke gulps, because his mind is racing back to all he learned at the Jedi temple, all he learned in hopes that he could become a better Jedi, could redeem himself, only to find that the longer he hid, the harder it was to ever consider emerging.

"Wasn't there a prophecy concerning your father?" Maz asks, her voice creaky and ancient, lined with wisdom like Yoda's.

"He brought balance to the Force," Luke recites.

"Temporarily," Leia mutters.

"He would never have been able to do that without you, Luke. Nor without Obi-Wan."

 _Please don't start speaking in riddles._ "I don't follow."

Maz crosses her arms. "Perhaps, in each generation, there is supposed to be someone to do that. Because as much as we'd all like the battle against evil to cease, we are all at an age now where we see that it will always take a new form."

"But Rey isn't related to Anakin," Leia points out.

Maz sighs. "No, she's not. But does it have to be one person? Luke, you and Leia worked together."

"I have no descendants," Luke cuts in. "Leia has one and Ben's… not interested in balancing the Force."

Shadows writhe as the lamp flickers. "Leia, dear, you say Rey warned you about an impending assassination attempt?"

She nods.

"And then she just up and left, saying she was going to rescue Finn because he was still alive."

"Yes," Luke snaps. _We've said that._

Maz replaces her goggles and shakes her head at Chewie. The Wookiee looks bewildered. "Have you considered the possibility that Rey is Force bonded to someone?"

"She did ask about Force bonds," Luke says, slowly, because he feels like he's just waking up to something that he does not like at all.

"Who?" C-3PO asks tentatively.

"There's only one living descendant of Anakin Skywalker who's not in this room," Maz answers.

"You can't possibly—" C-3PO starts, before R2 insults him. "Stop it, R2!"

"Is he pulling her to the Dark Side?" Luke demands.

"Luke!" Leia shouts, her face pallid and her eyes sparking.

"That, I cannot say." Maz shakes her head. "But if he was, why would you both be alive?"

"Maz Kanata," C-3PO interjects. "If there was hope for—well, for Darth Vader, can't we hope that Ben will heed the call of the Light as well?"

Leia turns to the golden droid with an expression of such gratitude that C-3PO looks to his feet as if embarrassed.

"We need to find them," Luke says, an energy he hasn't felt in years zapping through his bloodstream.

"That you do," Maz agrees. "Though I'm afraid I can't help you there. I've got to visit an old friend, convince him to come out and help you. I must say, Leia Organa, you're the only one who's kept fighting even in the face of exhaustion." She takes Leia's hand.

"You don't have to do it alone anymore," Luke tells his sister, and she throws her arms around him.

* * *

They land on the small, dusty moon bathed in silver light. Kylo sees the _Millennium Falcon_ , and his heart quivers. Snoke's probably realized what he's done by now, realized that Kylo's a failure.

"Finn!" shrieks Rey, and she races across towards him, Poe fast on her heels. All three of them fall into a messy embrace. Kylo wraps his arms around himself.

It's the first time he's seen her with his eyes since the Starkiller base, since she burned his face.

"Ben." Rey breaks away from her friends, reaching for him. He's stiff, but he lets her hug him.

"Thank you," she whispers, looking at Kylo like she's never seen him before, like she's really seeing _Ben_ , but that can't be because whoever Ben was, he's dead now.

 _That's what Snoke wants you to believe. My son is alive._

Her eyes, hazel planets in a galaxy of freckles, take him in with a shine and a smile, and with a jolt, Kylo finds himself with so many things he wants to say, and none that he can actually say, so he lets her feel inside his mind. He's grateful to _her_.

"Have you thought more about coming with us?" Rey inquires.

Poe turns to his orange and white droid— _the_ droid, Kylo realizes—and mumbles something that sounds like a threat. But the droid peers at Kylo with curiosity and not a trace of dislike.

"I—" Before he can answer, a small buzz hums behind him. Kylo whirls around, scanning the gray horizon, the sky that looks as if it's made of metal and smoke.

"What is it?" Rey asks.

"We were followed," Kylo says, heart sinking. _Shit_. He yanks his belt off—the belt with his tracking device. _You idiot!_ He can't even betray the freaking First Order right.

A green cannon shot flies out, slamming into the retracted wing of his ship.

"Get to the _Falcon_!" Rey shouts, reaching out and grabbing Ben's hand, but he can see another shot coming. He yanks his hand free, protecting the _Falcon_ from sustaining a hit and twisting the shot so that it fires back at the TIE fighters.

A barrage of shots fire. Kylo slings his arm out, calling for his lightsaber.

"Hey!" Finn protests as it slides out of his hand and soars into Kylo's. But it's the only way. He swings it, blocking shot after shot from hitting Finn, and Poe, who both freeze.

"Are you insane?" Rey screams at them both. "Get on board! Finn, you're the gunner! Poe—"

Kylo's boot lands on the ramp when another onslaught of cannon shots spew at them. With one arm, he protects the ship; with the other, he slashes the lightsaber, but there are too many and as green fills his vision and he starts to trip, a tiny, tinny thought echoes in his head:

 _I'm about to die._

"No!" A flash of blue, and Rey's lightsaber flies out, inches from severing his nose but saving him from the blaster. "Get up!"

He scrambles to his feet to hear another cannon shot behind him. Rey slings her lightsaber out, but it flies out of her grasp.

The shot slams through Rey's torso, and Kylo feels the pain explode in his own mind too, watches as Rey crumples.

" _Rey!"_

He grabs her, he grabs her lightsaber, and he drags her on board, screaming her name the whole time.


	9. Chapter 9

"What happened?" Poe yells over his shoulder as he flies them low against the surface of the moon. Finn's shouting something incoherent from the gunner's position, and all Kylo can do is gasp out strangled cries as he kneels on the floor, shaking Rey.

" _Is she hit?"_ Poe finally bellows.

"Yes!"

"How bad?"

Kylo's hands hover over Rey's face, her skin now ashen. He feels a puff of warmth. "She's breathing!" He gets to his knees, slinging his arms under Rey like he did that time back on Takodana, and carries her to a bunk. He tugs at her gray sweater, lifting it just enough to expose the wound to her lower right side. He can't tell if it hit any internal organs, or if she was lucky.

The ship bucks, and Kylo falls to the floor. He struggles back up, scrambling to see if the bandages, the bacta his father always kept are still on board. His hands shake. His head pounds, and his mind is so, so silent without her. "Rey, I'm sorry," he pleads as he drops to the floor beside her, white bandages in hand. "I'm sorry. Please be okay. _Please_."

If he'd just thought to take off the tracker… Kylo wants to hit himself, but he can't, not yet, Rey needs someone who's fucking _sane_ …

"We're home free!" Poe shouts, and Kylo realizes he can't hear the cannons anymore.

 _Here!_ Kylo's fist closes around a wad of bandages and a small, almost completely used container of bacta. Hatred towards Han Solo boils inside of him.

Poe bursts out from the cockpit, and Finn launches himself up from the gunner position. Tears run down Kylo's face as he gulps and wraps bandages around Rey's torso.

"Let me do it!" Finn shoves him out of the way. Kylo crawls back, hitting himself and hating himself.

"Knock it off! This isn't about you!" Poe orders, lunging to grab Kylo's arms. He glares down at Kylo.

"She saved my life," Kylo chokes out. If Rey hadn't saved him with her lightsaber.. she could have gotten up the ramp in time. Maybe.

Poe gapes at him, and this time it's Kylo on his hands and knees, at Poe's mercy, and Poe could spit at him, tell him what Kylo already knows—that he's not worth her life—or, he could nod with tears in his eyes and turn away, as he does.

Poe's nod reminds Kylo of the memory that haunts him most: his father, caressing him even after he knew his son was his own murderer, couldn't have believed his son still loved him, but still loved his son.

Finn smears the little bacta they have on Rey's torso as Kylo watches, his mind soldering like a field alight with fire that shouldn't be there, a fire that's gotten out of control, and there's no rain to temper it.

* * *

Phasma marches through the Finalizer's hallways, every stormtrooper scattering at the sight of her—for all intents and purposes, the highest official on board this Star Destroyer. She strides through into the prisoner area, punches in the code, and enters a cell she never thought she'd enter.

Hux sits against the wall, hair matted with grease and a deep scowl set in his thin face. "What do you want?"

"Ren betrayed us. He took the traitor, and they fled together."

Hux leaps to his feet, his face flushing the same color as his vivid hair. "I knew it!"

Phasma aims her blaster. Hux freezes.

"All I'm saying," Hux insists. "Is that Ren came from the Light. No matter how hard Snoke tried to change him, he failed. Ren is too weak to ever truly change. The Supreme Leader should have known from the moment Ren still showed sparks of compassion after slaughtering the padawans."

"You, on the other hand, never looked back after killing another cadet," Phasma infers.

Hux narrows his eyes at the judgment in her tone. "It was required that we kill the weak among us. It makes us strong."

Phasma isn't sure Hux is her idea of strong, but she doesn't voice her concerns. She's let the weak die out, although she'd never simply killed one of them. There's a difference. She thinks.

"What has the Supreme Leader said?"

"He wishes to speak with you. Alone."

Hux straightens, lips twitching in as close to a smile as he can possibly get.

"He trusted Ren," Phasma says as she beckons, showing him he's free to go.

"So, apparently, did you," Hux sneers as he strides for the door.

"I trust in no one and nothing except the First Order, but yes, he did seem devoted to us," Phasma calls after him.

"Ren was always after his own interests," Hux says, facing her.

"So are you, General," Phasma replies.

"My interests are in furthering the First Order alone," Hux informs her, and as tight and strained as his voice is, she believes him. Mostly.

"The First Order, with you as head," she adds.

Hux scoffs, but Phasma knows what she's said is true, and she hopes her seed takes root.

It might be the First Order's only hope.

* * *

Kylo keeps looking over at Poe like he wants to say something, but every time Poe catches his eye, he goes back to studying his boots like they're the most fascinating black boots in the world. Which, since Poe wears a pair of black boots himself, he knows for a fact they are not.

"Come on, Rey," Finn encourages her, his hand resting on hers. Poe tries to pretend it doesn't sear his own heart.

"She's strong. She'll pull through."

Finn meets his gaze. "You don't know that."

Poe wishes he could assure his friend, the man he loves, but he can't. Even if it meant losing Finn forever, he wants Finn to be _happy_.

BB-8 whimpers.

"There's not enough bacta," Finn laments.

"I know. But that little bit—it's helped. A bit."

"How long until we get back to D'Qar?" Finn questions. "Dr. Kalonia fixed me up after I got slashed with a lightsaber."

Kylo glances at Finn with the same desperation he's been glancing at Poe with, and lowers his head the moment Poe catches him. What Poe would give to punch him in that nose for getting Rey into this.

 _Without him, Finn would be dead._

"Too long," Poe answers.

"So there's no hope?" Finn demands.

Poe crosses his arms. "There's a different place. We're close to Yavin 4. There might be someone in the colony who can help us."

"Where's that?"

"Yavin 4's a moon. It's where I grew up." Poe works his jaw, watching as Finn turns back to Rey, smoothes her rumpled hair. The buns she usually winds her dark strands in have almost completely fallen apart.

 _The Resistance will not be intimidated—_

 _Where is it?_

A scream rips apart Poe's memories, but the room is silent.

Kylo glances at Finn again, then Poe.

 _Oh, for pity's sake._ "Why don't you just say you're sorry?" Poe erupts.

Finn spins to look at him. Kylo turns paler than Poe's ever seen him.

"I can tell that's what you want to say, okay? Just say it!"

"I _am_ sorry!" Kylo bursts out. "I'm just—afraid to say it, _because I'm a coward!"_

"I'm impressed," Poe sneers, taking the memories and throwing them back at Kylo. _I'm impressed. No one has been able to get out of you what you did with the map._

"Not that. I mean, I am sorry for that, but—" Kylo wraps his arms around himself and stares at Poe beseechingly. "For that time on Jakku. When we captured you. When I—"

"Tortured me?" Poe arches an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry," Kylo insists. "You don't have to believe me. I wouldn't. But I am truly sorry. And, Finn—"

"You're sorry for slow-burning my shoulder with your lightsaber? And trying to sever my spine? For throwing Rey into a tree? Or for stabbing your father and throwing him into a pit?" Finn's furious, and Poe's own anger accelerates. He curls his fists.

" _All of it."_

"I'll think about this," Finn informs Kylo, before turning back to Rey.

"Me too," says Poe, heading back to the cockpit. Kylo's father's cockpit. He settles in to the chair. He really could use a copilot.

 _Shit._ "Okay," Poe calls, striding back out. "I need a copilot. So we're gonna do shifts. Finn, you stay with Rey, okay? You—Kylo, Ren, Ben, whoever you are—you're going to help me. Right now."

He climbs to his feet, following Poe immediately.

"I'm guessing you're familiar with this ship."

He nods and slides into the copilot's chair. "Ben."

"What?"

"You can call me Ben. Or Kylo. Or Ren. Whatever you want."

"Okay, _Ben_ , cool." Poe's hands feel sweaty. The words come out choked. "You can call me Poe. I guess."

* * *

"How did it go?" Captain Phasma assails Hux as he exits the conference room.

"Snoke is livid. He did, however, apologize for mistrusting me." Hux keeps his chin tall. _Apologize_ might be stretching the truth, but he won't give Phasma the satisfaction of displaying any weakness.

"I'm sure he did, sir." Her tone is scathing. "Did he have any suggestions?"

"We need to get Ren back. Make him pay."

"Is that Snoke's suggestion or yours?"

"I believe his precise words were 'if he will not work with us, we must exterminate him.'" Hux smirks.

"So the Supreme Leader cannot abide a Force user allied with the other side."

The full implication of Phasma's words hit Hux in the gut. "Are you saying that you think the Supreme Leader is _afraid?"_

"Fear is a part of the Dark Side," Phasma returns.

Hux snorts. "Clever." He peers at that helmet, wishing he could see her eyes. "Careful, Phasma." Unlike Ren, she cannot hurt him. "Your words are teetering on treason."

"Don't be ridiculous."

Hux pauses in the hallway, making sure no stormtroopers are around. "He suggested halting the construction of the new Starkiller base," he admits. "Until Ren is gone."

"You disagree."

 _Snoke_ is _afraid_. "I see no reason the two goals cannot coexist."

"Indeed."

"For all his wisdom, the Supreme Leader relies too much on the Force," Hux says, his voice barely above a whisper.

Phasma doesn't contradict him.

Things would be different if he was in charge. If Hux were the Supreme Leader, he wouldn't rely on mumbo-jumbo. Ren's powers were helpful, but not necessary towards running the galactic order.

"Wouldn't it be better," Hux wonders aloud. "To wipe out Force users all together?"

"Or else, conversely, work with the Jedi, sway them to at least coexist with the First Order?" Phasma suggests. Hux wrinkles his nose.

"If you repeat this conversation to anyone," Hux says. "I will see to it that you die the most hideous death possible."

"Consider the same threat repeated to you, _sir_ ," Phasma replies.

Hux watches her go, the wheels in his brain turning and twisting as ideas begin to form.

* * *

When Ben takes his shift by Rey, leaving a bag-eyed Poe and a still desperate Finn in the cockpit, he studies Rey.

 _No change,_ Finn reported.

Ben hesitates, then reaches out, covering her hand with his own. He rubs his thumb over the chapped knuckles. He never realized how quiet his mind was, without her in it.

"Come back, Rey," he whispers. "I miss you."

 _Come home. We miss you._

 _Don't be afraid. I feel it too._

He saw her, too, in a vision long ago. The night before they landed on Jakku, after praying to his grandfather's helmet, he saw a girl and chalked it up to a dream, until Commander Mitaka came to tell him the rogue stormtrooper and the droid had escaped with the help of _a girl._

 _You know I can take whatever I want._

Now, Ben doesn't want to take. He wants to give. If there were a way through the Force, through _any_ means, to pour his life into her veins, trade his breath for hers, he would.

If the bacta were working, they should know soon. Or already.

"You deserve to live," he tells her. "You're the galaxy's hope."

 _This could be the galaxy's hope, Ben,_ gushed Uncle Luke when Ben reported about his gray Jedi studies.

 _The Skywalker lineage contains the galaxy's hope,_ Lor San Tekka imposed upon him.

" _You_ are," he says to her. Rey is faithful and Ben, he can't pick a side. Rey is loved and loves, and for all Ben's talk about how he eschews sentiment, he craves it.

She's so still, her eyes closed as if she's asleep, but unconsciousness is not sleep. Ben reaches out to brush a tendril of dark hair from her forehead. "Wake up. Please wake up."

His mind feels like there's a gaping wound festering inside of it.

"I'm so sorry, Rey. For capturing you. For torturing you. It was so wrong, and I knew it, and I did it anyways." He knows she can't hear him, out loud or in her head, but he needs to say it anyways. "For killing my father. You were right when you called me a monster. You're—I'm—you're so—you're everything my father deserved in a child. Your parents really lost out." He swallows. "I'm sorry you suffered so much. I'm sorry for my role in that. I'm going to change, Rey. Even if you don't come back, I won't be Kylo Ren anymore. I promise." He doesn't know that he can join the Resistance, doesn't know that he entirely disagrees with everything the First Order stands for, but he's going to try to be someone, anyone else. Anyone who's not Kylo Ren.

Ben lowers his head to his knees, hand still covering Rey's.

His mind sizzles.

Her fingers squeeze his.

Ben's head snaps up, and he sees her staring at him, blinking and with a slight smile. "Hey, Ben," she croaks.

His hand flies towards her face. "Are you in pain?"

She grimaces. "My side hurts." Her hand travels up the ridged cloth covering his arm, clenching around his shoulder and pulling him closer. "You're on your father's ship. You didn't run."

Ben leans closer, tears filling his eyes as he looks into hers, sees depths of feeling he hasn't even imagined.

He brushes his lips against hers before pulling back. "I'm sorry," he stammers, backing away and calling for her friends, her real friends. "Finn? Poe?"


	10. Chapter 10

"I can walk!"

"No, Rey, you can't," Poe snaps as he emerges from the cockpit. "Since you won't listen to either of them, listen to me. _You can't walk yet._ Maybe after you see a healer here."

Rey huffs. "BB-8?"

The droid lowers its head and bleeps sadly.

"Fine!" Rey glances up. "Carry me, Ben."

Poe bites his lip as he watches Finn frown.

"Are you sure you don't want Finn to do it?" Ben asks. Not Kylo. This is a change for Poe.

He reaches to pat his blaster, safely secured around his waist. Just in case.

"I asked _you_ , didn't I?" Rey tries to sit up and sucks in her breath in pain. "Or I can walk."

"Wait, wait—Rey!" Ben reaches down and lifts her up in his arms.

BB-8 lets out a long, dreamy whir, and Poe glares at the droid. _What are you suggesting?_ he wonders, but doesn't say it. Mostly because he doesn't want to jar Finn any further.

"Okay," Poe says instead, clearing his throat. "Yavin 4's pretty safe, and if I remember correctly, we should also be able to contact General Organa."

Ben focuses on Rey. What Poe would give to be able to see what's going on inside his mind. Although he's not sure he wants to see that level of darkness.

"Ben, you're going to tell us more things about Snoke, right?" Finn asks, hand on _his_ blaster. Poe's relieved that they seem to be of the same mind.

He nods. "But you have to relay it and say you found out on the _Finalizer_."

"That doesn't feel right," Finn objects.

Ben glances at Rey as she throws an arm around his shoulder. " _Please_."

"I mean, I'll _do_ it—but it's _your_ information. I don't feel right taking the credit."

Poe's heart swells as he tries not to think of how noble Finn is. _He's in love with Rey, not you. Stop it. Stop it right now, Dameron._

"Oh, for heaven's sake," Rey groans.

Ben swallows. "I'm serious, Rey. I don't—I'm not ready. To talk to her."

Rey scowls, her breath hitching in pain. "Well, _I_ 'm ready to be healed, so if you could kindly take me off this ship, that'd be great."

BB-8 opens the ramp, and they trample off, into the jungle. Melodious calls and strident shrieks dance through the air, all beckoning at Poe, calling him back to a time when his mother and his father were still alive.

"The colony's this way," Poe says, tongue thick in his mouth.

BB-8 whizzes in awe as they trek through trees cloaked in vibrant green. Splotches of scarlet and azure, pearl and lavender, stand out against the bark, against the canopy of leaves.

"Did you live in the colony?" Finn pants next to him as Ben steps over a pesky root.

"On the outskirts," Poe confirms. "There's a lake there."

"Are you gonna visit your home?" Finn asks.

"Nah."

"Why not?" A violet petal drifts down and lands on Finn's head. Poe brushes it off before he can think and then glances away from Finn, hoping his friend doesn't notice the color storming his cheeks.

"Maybe we will," Poe says. "We'll see."

At last, they emerge from the forest to find a small village. "This way," Poe directs, realizing with a sinking heart how unfamiliar all the faces are to him. There was a time when he knew them all, knew their names. He stops to ask a teen boy if the healers are still here.

The boy affirms that they are, and point Poe in the same direction Poe remembers from his childhood. He ducks inside, followed by Ben and Rey, Finn, and BB-8.

An older woman, hair probably still uncut from the last time Poe saw her, claps her hands. "Poe Dameron!"

"You remember me?"

"Of course I remember you." She clasps her arms around his neck. "We hear stories sometimes. Of your exploits."

"Listen, Seher," Poe says. "These are my friends. One of them's been hurt. She was shot with a blaster. She seems to be recovering, but we were wondering if you could help—"

"Of course, of course! Blaster shots are easier to fix than other wounds." The woman, her face a map of creases, peers at Rey, at Ben. "Such as what happened to your face, young man. That was a lightsaber wound, I can tell."

"Training accident," Rey wheezes with a smirk.

"Put her here." Seher motions to a cot that Ben gently lays Rey down on and grabs a jar of bacta slime.

"Okay," Poe says, clapping Finn on the shoulder. "We'll come find you both. Finn and I have a message to send. BB-8—"

The droid bleeps and twitches.

"Fine. Stay with Rey. See if I care." Poe scowls, and the droid bleeps sweetly.

"Love you too, BB-8." Poe leaves, Finn following.

* * *

" _Poe!"_ Leia shouts, clutching the transceiver. "What the—where are you?"

"We rescued Finn," he replies.

"R2 told us you were heading off to do that," Luke puts in.

"Oh hi, Luke. Where are you guys?"

"Where are _we?"_ Leia splutters. "Where are _you?"_

"Yavin 4. Rey got hurt. Shot by a blaster. She'll be okay—there's a healer here, I remember from when I was a kid, who's pretty good—she'll fix Rey up. And then we'll come to D'Qar."

Leia's mind whirs. Something in the Force-it tugs on her. Another whim, another mother's lie, or truth?

"No, I don't think so," Leia says, glancing at Luke, at Chewie. "We heard from Bazine Netal that the First Order's still hovering nearby."

"So we need to hunker down here? Do we need to run?"

"No, Bazine should hear it if you do." Leia sighs. "We'll let you know when it's safe to come. Don't take any unnecessary risks, Dameron."

"General—I'm sorry about all this, I am." He sounds like Ben, apologizing as a child for destroying the hyperdrive. That time, Leia stood back and let Han rail, because she, too, was furious, even though her son's timid voice and tearless eyes scraped her conscience. Han sent him to bed, and Leia wanted to reassure her son she still loved him, but she didn't.

"I know you are," she says gently. "You're still my best pilot, Dameron."

"Finn's here, and he's got all sorts of information from his time on the _Finalizer_ —about the Starkiller, about Snoke."

Leia leans back. "That's great. We'll have you tell us when you get here."

"Not now?" Poe's confused.

"Why not now, Princess?" C-3PO inquires. Leia slashes her hand through the air, beckoning for the droid to _keep quiet_.

"It might not be entirely safe," Leia comes up with. She knows Poe won't doubt her wisdom. "We'll contact you in a few days. Check back at the station and ask if there have been any messages for Kes."

"Okay."

Leia ends their conversation and turns to Luke. "Whatever information Finn has, it's not from Finn."

Luke nods. "Leia, Bazine hasn't said anything about the First Order patrolling nearby."

He might think she's being stupidly optimistic, but Leia doesn't care as she punches in the coordinates for Yavin 4. "He's more like his father than he realizes, Luke. He'll run if he knows we're coming."

"We're going _there_?"

Chewie growls.

"He's my _son_ , Chewie. Yes, we're going to him." Leia looks out the windshield. "Let's go into hyperspace."

* * *

"Why exactly does the Supreme Leader even need Force users, if he's so powerful himself?" Phasma wonders aloud as she and Hux eat dinner, just the two of them.

"He _is_ very ancient," Hux muses, stabbing at a piece of rare meat with a vengeance. "Maybe his power weakens over time."

"I would say it's far more likely it grows over time," Phasma counters, glancing around Hux's chambers. Plain and unfurnished except with the barest, skeletal metal furniture, Hux never spends much time in his room, unlike blasted Ren.

He's also never had another person in his chambers. Hux's stomach tightens. Blood from the meat he's cutting dribbles onto the table. Dammit. He'll clean it up later. _Besides,_ he reminds himself. _She can help you._

"You have far more freedom with your time than I do," Phasma says abruptly. "I'm devoted to my division."

Hux snorts. _Devoted_ , indeed. "Maybe if you were a little less devoted, we wouldn't have to worry about Ren giving the Resistance whatever information he has on the new Starkiller Base."

Phasma's hand, still armored even though her helmet is off, smacks against the table. "Are you implying I brought FN-2187 on board out of compassion? For a traitor?"

"I really can't think of any other logical reason," Hux returns, his gaze unwavering. "I'll never understand why you feel so loyal to them, Captain. Why you memorize each and every number."

"You're not the one charged with ensuring they reach their full potential," she snaps. "Day in and day out, that's my job. I oversee the details of your broader program. Without me, you'd have no success."

Hux tries to focus on breathing, on remaining _calm_. "That's not true!" He is responsible for the entire program! He modeled it after his own father's genius Cadets program, the program that trained Hux himself.

"Yes, it is, and I cannot see why you're upset to hear it. The facts are that I know far more about what motivates the stormtroopers than you do."

"And what is that?" Hux spits. His grip tightens on his water glass, so tight he wonders how the glass doesn't shatter and send shards stabbing into his palm.

"The same thing that motivates you," Phasma says. "Individual recognition."

"Get out," Hux snarls, pushing himself to his feet.

Phasma stands, taller than Hux himself. "I thought that's the whole reason you asked me here. To figure out how to get yourself the _utmost_ recognition. Because, as flawed as you are, you might do a better job with the First Order than Snoke."

Hux crosses his arms and drops back into his seat. Phasma does likewise.

"You should comb through the old files from the Empire, see if you can find anything," she advises. "Specifically, you should look for information about Darth Vader, about the Sith, other Dark Side users."

Hux swirls water in his glass. He hates this Force mumbo-jumbo. Without it, he would be leading the galaxy.

But if he can find something out about it worth exploiting and twisting to his advantage, he will.

After Phasma leaves, Hux cleans his table, scrubbing the blood away because _he_ doesn't mind doing his own work. His father taught him to work hard _, hard_ , harder, har _der_ still— _fuck!_ His elbow knocks the glass over, sending glass everywhere.

Still on his knees, Hux painstakingly picks up each and every shard of glass, wipes his own blood and the animal's blood off the table, off the floor. One at a time. One at a time. One. Two. Three.

His nose stings, and Phasma's words sting his mind. Because he remembers when he stopped learning the names of his fellow cadets, on the advice of his father.

"Someday, boy," Brendol Hux told him, hand clenched around the back of his son's neck, clenched so tightly Hux feared his neck would snap. "You'll have to kill one of them."

* * *

"You can walk!" Finn exults as he and Poe arrive back at Seher's.

"Yes," Rey says, trying to stand fully upright. She's still weak, and she can sense Ben's worry, and his hands hovering over her shoulder as if ready to catch her.

Poe relays Leia's warning about the First Order. "Honestly, we'll be fine here," he finishes, as if to reassure them.

"Bazine Netal?" Ben echoes.

"You know her?" Finn asks.

"She's a mercenary. She's the one who found… something on Endor for me."

 _Darth Vader's helmet._ Rey sees it in Ben's mind.

"Well, it seems like she's chosen a side, and it ain't yours," Poe says cheerfully. His eyes dart to Ben to watch his reaction.

Ben shrugs.

"Are we going back to the _Falcon_?" Rey asks.

"We could," Poe says, biting his lip and glancing at Finn.

"Or we could say in Poe's old house," Finn puts in.

"Let's go to Poe's house," Rey says instantly and sees the pilot's face light up with a sort of pride. He mumbles something about needing to buy a few things in town.

As they walk, slowly out of respect for Rey, she keeps replaying the night before in her mind. Her drifting in a sort of gray space, hearing Ben's voice, waking up and him kissing her. She steals a glance at him and sees his face flushing.

No one's ever kissed her before. Unkar Plutt, drunk, once tried and woke up the next day with his already squashed nose even more smashed than before his drinking escapade.

They hadn't talked about it. One quick brush of his lips on hers, and then he was calling for Poe and Finn, and she was left confused because she felt that he was afraid still, and she doesn't know why, because he's blocking her.

 _What are you afraid of now?_

He glances at her as they leave the main confines of buildings, trekking along a mud-strewn path littered with quartz rocks. _We'll talk later._

"Here we are!" Poe announces, pausing in front of a rounded metal house with dusty windows. Mountains tower in the background, and a peculiar tree that instantly draws Rey's attention stands in front of it.

"There used to be a starfighter," Poe says, more to himself than to any of them. "On the left, in that patch of grass there." He turns back and notices Rey, Ben, and Finn all captivated by the tree.

"Figures," Poe says. "That's a Force sensitive tree. Luke gave it to my mom."

"Huh," says Finn.

"I didn't know trees could be Force sensitive," Rey breathes.

"Let's go inside," Poe says.

"Has anyone lived here, since you left?" Finn inquires, dragging himself away from the tree. Rey catches a flash of something in Ben's mind.

 _Really?_

Ben looks at her and nods. _Finn has the Force._

Rey grins.

"It's pretty dusty," Poe says, glancing from face to face to droid.

"It's fine," Finn reassures him, and Poe smiles.

"We can clean," Finn adds. "Not Rey though. Rey gets to rest."

"I can help," Rey insists.

BB-8 tells her to shut up.

"Rey, you can stay in here." Poe waves his hand towards a silver door. Rey considers protesting again, but Ben pleads with her in her mind, and she gives in. Seher did tell her it would take at least another day until she would be ready to "exert" herself.

"I bought us blankets in the village," Poe says as he enters the room and dumps a pile on the cot. His brow creases, and Rey wonders what this room is to him.

Rey crawls onto a bed with soft aquamarine covers and closes her eyes. She won't sleep—she can barely fall asleep at night—but she can rest.

Except she can't, because she keeps thinking about Ben kissing her, and how strange it is, and the fact that he's still afraid, and she doesn't know what that means but she wants to understand. _Ben?_

 _Yes?_

 _Can you come here?_

He appears moments later, a dust rag clutched in his hand, BB-8 trailing behind him. Rey smirks. "Poe's putting you to work?"

He shrugs. "Are you okay? Do you need—"

Rey struggles to sit up. "I _need_ to talk to you. You need to talk to me. We need to talk."

 _You're so afraid…_

He swallows but comes closer, taking a seat next to her. That's not enough for her. She reaches out and takes his hand, like he took hers last night. "Why are you acting like this?"

He swallows, and his mental shields drop. "Because I can't imagine why you would want—I'm the one who hurt you, Rey, who kidnapped you. I'm the murderer, a liar, a traitor. That man out there—he's done nothing but come back for you, care about you—"

"Of course I love Finn," Rey interrupts. "I do."

He nods. "I'll—I'll get out of the way."

"Oh, for heaven's sake, pay attention," Rey snaps. "I love Finn, Ben, but as a friend. He's my friend. I don't understand why you're not listening to me. I've told you and I've told you. You can see into my _mind_ , even." She pauses, searching his. "This isn't really about me, is it?"

He shakes his head. "Rey, I hurt you. I'm part of the Order that took Finn's entire childhood. I don't know whether I can join the Resistance. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm—"

"Is it really that bloody hard to believe someone could care about you? That someone from the Light could see what you've done, all of it, see all of who you are, and still care?" _Care_ isn't even what she means.

Hope sparks blue inside him and in her. Rey reaches out, takes his face in hers. _Don't be afraid. I feel it, too._

 _Why?_ he asks her.

She doesn't know. She knows pieces and bits, though—like that watching him die would have scarred her, like that there's Light in him, there's kindness, and there's love too, and with each moment, the Light and love are glowing brighter. He wants to change, he wants to be better, to atone, and she admires that.

She didn't bring the Light, she knows. It was already inside him.

Rey knows that he wants her, too. She waits, her eyes searching his, her mind linked with his, feeling everything he's feeling—all the doubts and the fear that he's wrong, that maybe Snoke is right but he can't be because then she'd be dead.

Ben leans closer and kisses her again. She runs her fingers through his hair, kissing him and kissing him, exhilarated and light and knowing that she's taking a risk and deciding that it's well worth taking.

She's afraid, but she plunges in anyways.

"Rey, how—" Finn steps into the room and freezes. "Oh. _Oh."_


	11. Chapter 11

"You gonna be okay?" Poe asks Finn that night.

Finn's chest tightens. "Are you all right?" he asks instead.

"Wait, what?"

"We're in your old home. In your old room. Isn't that—"

"I'm fine. Memories are just… memories." Poe sighs. "Finn. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" Finn asks, staring straight up at the ceiling. It's metal, and it's night, so it reflects nothing.

"Um, because you had feelings for Rey, and now she's snogging Ben?"

"I want Rey to be _happy_. If Kylo Ren makes her happy, yeah, I'm a little concerned, but I'm also happy for her being happy. I'm a little concerned though. A little concerned."

"A _lot?"_ Poe suggests.

Finn groans. "I mean, I know she can see into his head and everything, but it's still weird to me. He tried to kill us not long ago. At least, he tried to kill _me_. And he killed his father."

"I know." Poe's voice is saturated with empathy. "Believe me, I know."

Finn drags himself up, turning to stare at Poe's haggard face. His heart jumps, but Finn doesn't understand why.

"You changed your mind about the First Order," Poe reminds him. "Maybe he did, too."

"Do you really believe that?" Finn demands.

"I don't know. I hope so." Poe bites his lip. "Either way, I still kind of want to punch him in the face."

"What did you think when I told you I was rescuing you?" Finn asks Poe.

Poe cackles. "I think I was just so ecstatic you weren't leading me to my execution. Life's taught me not to hesitate at an opportunity." He keeps laughing. "I'm just trying to picture _you_ , now, with Kylo Ren telling you _this is a rescue."_

Finn guffaws. "It was pretty bizarre."

"I also thought you were being brave," Poe blurts out. "I was pretty impressed."

Finn stops, a laugh still throbbing in his throat.

"I mean," Poe says quickly, his eyes shining and his face inclined forwards in earnestness. "Kylo Ren— _Ben_ —had something to look back to, a light to guide him, in Rey, in his family. You had nothing, and you did it anyways."

 _Poe thinks I'm brave?_ Even with the stormtroopers, Finn was never singled out for courage. Scolded for empathy, yes. Praised for potential, yes. Courage? No.

Because he never wanted to kill for them, even before his friend fell, his blood staining Finn's helmet.

"Go talk to Rey," Poe encourages him. "I can tell you want to."

Finn grabs Poe's hand. "Thanks. Buddy."

Poe glances at the hand and back at Finn. He smiles.

Finn creeps out into the house, heading for Rey's room. Poe relegated Ben to the room upstairs. He knocks.

"Hello?" Rey opens the door, her hair loose for the first time that Finn's ever seen. BB-8 peers out from behind her. "Finn!"

"Hey, little gossip, Poe misses you," Finn jokes, nodding at the droid, which promptly stings him. "Ow!"

Rey smirks as she lets him in. "Are you… okay?"

"Me? Yeah, I'm fine." Finn takes in her eyes, the way the hazel irises glow, the tinge of rose in her cheeks, and sighs. _She's so happy._ "Can he hear us?"

"A Force bond doesn't work like that," Rey answers, her lips twitching in amusement. "Besides, I asked him to give us privacy."

Finn grins. "Yeah? Well, tell him that I've said if he hurts you, if he goes all Dark Side again, I _will_ kill him."

BB-8 sticks out its stingers as if to echo that sentiment.

Rey snorts, her hand flying to cover her mouth.

"What'd he say?" Finn asks.

"That _I_ 'd probably kill him first."

"Can't argue with that," Finn reasons, and he wraps Rey up in a hug.

'Thank you," Rey whispers. "For all you did. For coming back for me on the Starkiller, for fighting for me there. You're my first true friend, Finn."

He smiles, his heart still hurting, but the way she's looking at him—it's the same way she looked at him on Jakku, even after she knocked him down with the staff: not as a stormtrooper, but as a person. She saw him like no one ever had before. _Maybe that's why Kylo Ren—Ben—fell in love with her, too._

"There's something you should know," Rey begins.

"What's that?"

"I'm not the only one with the Force. Well, Ben and I aren't." Rey peers at him. "You have that power too."

* * *

 _He doesn't believe me_ , Rey complains to Ben as she lies on her bed, unable to sleep. _Why doesn't he believe me?_

 _He does. He just… he probably needs some time. To adjust to the news. It's a pretty big shock._

Rey frowns, rolling over on her side and realizing with satisfaction that it doesn't hurt. Seher really knew what she was doing. _I had no trouble with that._

 _Well, you're unique. Snoke even sensed you awakening. So did I._

 _It_ is _you._ Rey closes her eyes, remembering the snowy woods, the biting cold, and the shock, the _amazement_ , on Ben's face. _He'll need a teacher._

Ben pauses. _I'm sure Luke will be happy to take him on._

 _He wasn't all that happy to take_ me _, even. Though he did seem to be expecting me, somehow. I guess he knew he couldn't run forever._

Guilt gnaws at Ben, and Rey sighs. She doesn't know what she can say to alleviate it, because surely part of Luke's reluctance is indeed from his failing his nephew. _Maybe it would help if he knew about Snoke's manipulation. That it wasn't all you._

 _I don't want to pretend it wasn't my fault, Rey. It was._

Rey groans. He's right, and she's strangely proud of him for taking responsibility.

They talk until Rey finally falls asleep as the first streaks of violet appear out the window.

* * *

"What have you found?" Phasma demands as she enters Hux's chambers.

He sweeps his hands towards the files resting on his table as if inviting her to inspect herself.

Phasma pours over them, frowning. "So you're saying this Dark Force user… this Sith lord, is Snoke? And that he cheats death by being other Force users to his control, to do his bidding, so he can focus all his energy on keeping himself alive?"

Hux scowls. "No. You're saying that." He swallows. "And the files seem to be suggesting that. They come from the later Emperor himself."

"But they say the Emperor killed this Darth Plagueis."

"What if he didn't die?" Hux says, face reddening as if infuriated with how mad he knows this all sounds.

Phasma knows Snoke is ancient, older than the Empire was by hundreds of years, perhaps a millennia. Cold permeates the room, seeping under her armor and chilling her skin. "Then how is it possible for us to take him down?" she demands. "If this is even true?"

"Kylo Ren has left," Hux reminds her. "If the Supreme Leader can no longer bend him to his will—and if the rest of the Knights of Ren are also dying out—he may begin to weaken."

"I suppose we should be grateful to Ren, then," Phasma says, watching as Hux's eyes flash and knowing he'll never say it. "What's our next step?"

* * *

"No news from the General," Poe reports. "Looks like we're stuck here for at least another day. I told Seher you're better, Rey."

She nods, igniting her lightsaber and waving it around temptingly at Finn.

"What is going on?" Poe asks.

"Oh, he didn't tell you?' Rey asks innocently. Ben buries his face in his hands.

"Tell me what?"

"Finn has the Force."

"I do not!" Finn splutters, eyes darting to Poe. "If I did, I would have lasted a lot longer when we were dueling on the Starkiller base!"

"You were untrained," Ben says in a monotone.

" _So was she!"_

Rey snaps her lightsaber off and looks to Poe as if begging him for help.

 _Finn has the Force._ Poe instantly knows it's true, even if he hates admitting Ben is right. _Rey is right. Think of it like that_. "You do have the Force."

"Not you, too!" Finn shakes his head, grunting in disgust.

"What the hell?" Poe demands. "Why is it so hard to believe that you might be a little bit special? I mean, you betrayed the First Order. You set a precedent there—look at him." He gestures to Ben. "Finn, _I_ can tell, and I don't even have the stupid thing!"

"Then how can you possibly tell?" Finn retorts, glaring at him, jaw working, and Poe realizes what's eating at his friend.

"Stop doubting yourself," Poe insists. "You need to stop that, Finn. You give people hope. You inspire them. You're brave—"

"I'm not," Finn interrupts, pointing to Rey. "She knows. She knows I tried to run."

BB-8 squeaks out an indignant message. "See?" Poe asks. "Even BB-8 says you need to face it. You have the Force."

"Finn, you tried to run," Ben says carefully. "I… I—you know what I've done. Parts of it. Better than maybe anyone, except Rey now. I wanted to run, too, but then when Rey got shot—"

"Why does it matter to you, though?" Finn demands. "I'd think I'd just be more competition. I'm not important."

"See, that's exactly it!" Poe shouts. "Because you _are_ important, you're important to all of us—well, two of us and a droid at any rate—and we want to see you live up to your potential. Not even just to help the Resistance—although you can certainly do that even more than you already can with the Force—but because we _care_ about you." _And I love you._

Finn gapes at all of them as if he can't believe they all care enough to be mad at him. He shakes his head, and Poe wants to scream.

Until Finn shoots his hand out, and Ben's lightsaber, on the table next to him, starts to wobble.

* * *

Poe sits on a rock by the edge of a lake, watching as Rey, Ben, and Finn practice with their lightsabers. Blue and red flash and sizzle.

"If any of you get hurt, I'm not carrying you to town!" Poe hollers as Finn barely ducks a blow from Rey that comes so close Ben intervenes. "Take his nose off, Finn!"

Ben glares at him. Poe smiles.

Turning back to the water, Poe studies the periwinkle reflection of the mountains, the verdant shimmer of the trees. He remembers all the times his mother and father swam with him, Mother laughing, splashing him…

When she died when Poe was eight, he hid his tears from his father, until Kes found Poe huddled on this very rock, crying.

" _There's no shame in crying," Poe's father told him, wrapping his arm around his son._

His entire life, Poe's just wanted to make them both proud. He knows he has, but still he wonders. What would they think of him disobeying General Organa? What would they think of Finn? And Ben… his mother always talked of getting him and Poe together. It never happened, until Poe was slammed to his knees on Jakku, a prisoner without any hope, until Finn saved him.

 _Enough_. Poe shakes his head clear of these thoughts and pulls his shirt over his head.

"Um, Poe?" Finn calls. "What are you doing?"

Poe grins, kicking off his shoes. "Swimming." He wades in, diving under. When he surfaces, spewing water, he watches as Finn shrugs and tosses Ben's lightsaber back at him. When Finn takes his shirt off, Poe sinks back under to cool his face.

Finn grabs his arm and pulls him back up, smirking. "I made sure your jacket won't get wet."

"Good." Poe swims out farther, turning to see both Ben and Rey staring at the water, at them. "What are you waiting for?"

"I don't know how to swim!" Rey calls.

 _Oh, right. Jakku_.

Ben's anxiety stems from an entirely different source, Poe knows. He swims forward. "We'd be happy to teach you! _Rey,"_ he adds.

Rey hesitates before stripping her gray arm coverings and yanking her shoes off. She holds her hand out to Ben, who slowly takes off his Kylo Ren armored shirt and boots. Not that Poe didn't expect her to encourage him to join them.

He'll never really join them, Poe thinks, observing how he stands back.

Poe slogs back nearer to the shore with Finn. Rey's eyes are wider than Poe ever thought possible as she splashes in, swirling her hands around in the water.

"Never knew there was this much water in the entire galaxy?" Finn jokes.

"I lived on Ahch-To, but I've never been _in_ so much water," Rey murmurs. She sinks further, falling backwards and kicking frantically to keep herself upright.

"Whoa, calm down there," Finn says, grabbing her. "Like this. Smooth strokes." He demonstrates.

Finn lets her go, and Rey steps back and promptly flounders. Poe reaches for her, but Ben grasps her first, and he smiles, and Poe sees General Organa in his smile.

When Poe's father comforted him by this lake so many years ago, when they dove into the water, all Poe thought was how he wanted his mother back.

Maybe the General can still get her son back. Maybe. Poe isn't sure, and he can't separate this maskless man from the one who taunted him, who mercilessly struck down Lor San Tekka.

Poe hears Finn laughing, and he falls into the water, falls into the longing for the impossible.

The sun glows red against the deepening blue of night, their teeth are chattering, and the woolamanders are calling by the time they head back.

* * *

Rey tosses her soaked top to the side and drags a blanket through her hair, a giddy smile on her face.

 _Rey, you left your shoes._

Her face flushes as she reaches for her sodden top. _You can come in and drop them off in a minute._

 _Now,_ she corrects, staring at the top and dropping it back onto the floor. _You can come in now._

Her back turned, she hears the door open and feels Ben's shock.

"I'm so—I'm sorry, Rey, I thought you said—" He's flustered, and Rey almost feels guilty.

Almost.

"I did. Say that." She turns to face him, her face red and her freckles probably popping.

Be's mouth drops, his own shirt and cloak clutched in his hands.

 _What was I thinking?_ Mortified, Rey blinks back the sudden sting of tears and covers herself with her hands. "I'm sorry."

"No—Rey—" He crosses the room, lifts her chin. "I'm not mad. You're—you look—I just—what—"

"I love you," she says, by way of explanation. "I'm sorry—I've never—before—I've never—"

"Don't be _sorry_ , Rey. I was just—surprised."

"I love you," she says again, partially because she's only just realizing it and saying it again helps reinforce the fact that she can't deny: she loves him. Truly loves him. He can see into her mind and she into his, and they're forever connected.

"I know," he whispers. "I love _you_." Searching her eyes for an _okay_ , Ben reaches for her hands, still covering her chest, and lifts them away as he kisses her, more deeply and powerfully than ever before.

It's awkward for both of them, but also fulfilling in ways Rey couldn't have imagined. Entangled in each others arms, their bodies and their minds merged, Rey feels known and understood and _treasured_.

They talk for hours after, Ben periodically reaching out to caress strands of her hair. They talk about Jakku, and Ben reveals that he saw her before he knew her. "In a dream. You were there."

"Really?"

"Yes. And when I saw Lor San Tekka in the village, I knew there had to be a Force user nearby. Lor San Tekka's no Obi-Wan, he doesn't use the Force, but he knows it well, and he was a good friend of my mother's father. Adopted father." Ben looks at her, face edged in regret, and Rey realizes what happened to this man.

"Poe tried to shoot me to save him," Ben confesses. "That's how we captured him. I thought him brave, even then. He didn't have to give himself away."

Rey shakes her head. She's not delving into Ben's mind right now. Whatever he wants to say, she trusts him to speak aloud.

"The last thing he said to me was that I couldn't deny 'the truth' that was my family,'" Ben whispers. "I tried."

"In the end," Rey says, her hand on his face. "He was right."

"Maybe."

"You have to talk to them, Ben."

 _For your sake if for no one else's,_ he thinks to her. At the same time, memories flood him, of smiles and laughter and his mother hugging him.

"I wish I'd realized it sooner." Ben bites his lip, and Rey realizes he's thinking about Han.

"You've realized it now, and that's what matters most." She props herself up on her elbow. "If you saw me in a dream… what does that mean?"

Ben shakes his head. "I have absolutely no idea."

"We can ask Luke."

Ben swallows and nods.

Rey kisses him again.

"I can't believe you chose me," Ben says, fingers tracing their way down Rey's neck, across her shoulder.

Rey wraps her arms around him, pulling him closer and then on top of her again.

"Are you ready to face your mother?" she asks when they finish, panting.

He glances at her. "No."

"I'll stay with you, if you want," she offers.

"Maybe." He smiles, but it's sad. "Did she make you your outfit?"

"I don't know who made it. Someone at the Resistance Base." Rey sits up and tosses him a saucy look. "Who made yours? Because it's not very well made, I can tell you that."

"It served me well." He musses her hair.

" _How?"_ Rey teases, getting up and grabbing the top. "Good grief, it's heavy." She slips it over her head. It dwarfs her, the top covering her to the middle of her thighs and the long, flowing parts dragging on the floor. "The seams aren't even—"

Ben's laughing too hard for her to continue. "You look ridiculous."

"Hm." She giggles and climbs back into the bed. Hints of gold filter in through the window, softening the silver and blue.

And she falls asleep, her head resting on Ben Solo's shoulder, his head nestled against hers, both unaware that Luke, Leia, and Chewie plan to land on Yavin 4 within the hour.


	12. Chapter 12

"Going to the colony soon?" Finn greets Poe as his friend ambles to the small kitchen area, his hair still mussed from sleep. Finn only slept for a few hours before waking and wandering past Ben's open door and realizing where he probably was. It doesn't bother Finn as much as it should, but it still kept him awake.

Poe nods, yawning as he pours some of the blue milk he bought the day before. "Want to come? Or are you going to train with Rey and Ben?"

"They're still asleep," Finn says. He won't reveal that they're both asleep in the same room. "How is it? Being back here?"

"It's good." Poe shrugs. "It makes me miss my family, though."

Finn wonders whether he has a family, whether they miss him. Poe sighs as if he knows what Finn's thinking. "What happened to your parents?"

Poe sips his milk. "Mom got sick. She died when I was eight. Dad died ten years ago, on a mission. I was off flying for the New Republic then." He shakes his head. "The last time I came here was right after he died. He'd be proud I'm working for the Resistance. I know it."

"I wonder about mine," Finn admits. "Were they Force sensitive? Do they miss me? Are they alive?"

"We can try to find them," Poe suggests.

Hope sparks. "Is there a way?"

Poe frowns. "I'm sure there's got to be. We'll find a way. We'll try."

"Thanks," Finn says, moved that Poe wants to help him. He gives a timid smile. "Why did you sign up with the Resistance? Was it because of your parents' connections?"

"Sort of. It's a long story. I worked for the New Republic before then, because I knew that I wanted to be a pilot, but I also wanted to work for the right..." Poe exhales. "Do some good for the galaxy. Be a hero, you know?"

"No." Finn leans back. Maybe he knows now. "I only ever wanted to fit in with the stormtroopers when I was growing up. I never really did."

"And that's what made you a hero." Poe winks, and Finn's heart lurches. He doesn't understand why.

Poe swigs down his milk as someone pounds on the door. He almost chokes.

"Who's that?" Finn demands.

Poe shakes his head, gulping air and hacking.

"What if the First Order—"

"Here!" Poe thrusts Rey's lightsaber hilt at him and grabs a blaster for himself as they both slink towards the door.

" _Poe Dameron!"_ Leia's voice, muffled but no less enraged, calls. "Poe, we know you're in there!"

A Wookiee roars. Finn gapes at Poe, switching off the lightsaber.

"I had no idea they were coming!" Poe insists, reaching for the door and opening it to find not just Leia, her lips set in a line too straight, and Chewie, towering over them, but a happy R2 who rushes towards BB-8 cooing and beeping, a bitter C-3PO complaining about how he's not suited for this terrain, and a somber man draped in Jedi robes and clutching a lightsaber as green as a TIE fighter cannon shot.

"How nice to see you," Poe squeaks.

Leia marches in, face softening when she catches sight of Finn. "Good to see you in one piece, Finn."

The man—Luke Skywalker, Finn realizes—glances at the lightsaber hilt in Finn's hand. "It's Rey's. She's asleep. I'm just holding it for her," he says quickly.

"How did you get past the First Order?" Poe inquires, still coughing.

"There was no First Order in the area, so it was quite easy," Leia informs him, scanning the place like she knows.

"You lied to us?" Poe gapes.

One glower from Leia shuts Poe up.

"Really, Master Poe, after the trick you and Rey pulled on Ahch-To, it should be no surprise—" tuts C-3PO.

BB-8 starts to blurt out a message that Poe wildly waves his arms and cuts off. R2 mews.

"Okay, fair," Poe admits. "I'm sorry about that, General."

"Well, in all fairness, my brother once abandoned his training to rescue a friend too," Leia says. "And me."

Luke nods. "That I did." He studies Finn. "How did you escape?"

"We can wake Rey up," Poe suggests. "Seher managed to heal her—"

Finn copies Poe's earlier arm motions to BB-8. _No! No! No!_ Why can't he and Poe share a Force bond or something like that?

Poe cocks his head quizzically. Luke studies Finn, and Chewie grumbles.

Finn gives Poe a pointed look, and Poe's face blanches. " _Oh,"_ he says. "Okay. Well—maybe we should let her sleep a bit longer—still recovering and all—" Poe darts into the kitchen. "Milk?" He lifts the jug as if offering them liquid Force. "Do you want some milk?"

Neither Skywalker appears amused.

"We have a lot of questions for Rey," Luke puts in. "Questions that can't wait."

"Questions for Rey?" Finn asks. "Why?"

"Search the house," Leia tells Chewie and the droids.

BB-8 squeals and whizzes out a message that Finn doesn't understand, but judging by the way everyone turns to the corner with Rey's door, the droid's just given away where she is.

"BB-8!" Poe scolds.

"Why don't you want us to talk to her, Dameron?" demands Leia, stalking towards the door with Luke on her heels.

"That's not it at all!" Poe protests, sounding like a little child. "General—"

"What is going on?" Rey shouts from behind the door. "Finn, Poe—who—?"

"Shit," groans Poe as Leia jerks open the door to reveal Rey standing next to the bed, her hair strewn around her face and for reasons Finn will probably never understand, wearing Kylo Ren's shirt, and Ben, shirtless, frantically backing up on the bed as if terrified.

"Well, this is awkward," proclaims C-3PO.

"Yes, thank you, 3PO, we didn't already know that," Finn hisses.

"I'll get dressed," Rey says quickly, moving to block Ben from view.

Leia and Luke back away, Leia's face gray. Chewie isn't even making a sound.

"He helped me escape," Finn offers.

* * *

Rey yanks off the stupid shirt she fell asleep in and tosses it at Ben, whose face has taken on a distinct green pallor. His lips pucker as if he's about to vomit.

"Are you okay?" she asks, pulling on her top. It's only slightly damp from yesterday's swimming experiment.

"I'm not ready for this," he mutters, leaning forward and squeezing his forehead as if he'd like to break his skull.

"Well, they're here regardless." Rey pulls on her sleeves and twists her hair up into its requisite three knots.

He grimaces as he holds the black garment. "I just—I don't know what I can possibly say."

"There really isn't much you can say," Rey admits, rounding the bed to hold his arms. "You'll have to prove it to her. To them."

"What if I can't?"

"You've already proven yourself to me. To Finn, and Poe, and BB-8."

Ben pulls back and Rey closes her eyes, entering his mind. She sees him walking out on a bridge, focusing on one thought: _find the girl._

 _But other thoughts beckon, including the sensation that his father is close, very close._

Don't let Snoke know you've failed. Find her. End them.

" _Ben!"_

 _The shout, the voice, it's desperate and furious, and Kylo's heart stops. His throat tightens, and it's the moment he knows Snoke's been waiting for, the moment his hatred for his father reaches its peak—but he hates his father for calling out to him, for putting him in this position, and he hates himself because there's a soft glow of hope lighting up in his stomach, traveling to his fingertips, and he doesn't know if the hope is dark or light, power or grace._

" _Han Solo," he says._ You know what you need to do He means nothing to you, he is nothing to you, stop! _"I've been waiting for this day for a long time."_

" _Take off that mask. You don't need it." And his father comes closer, steps onto the bridge for him, and Kylo wants to run, flee, get away because he sees_ care _in his father's eyes, love, and Kylo knows in that instant he still loves his father, too._

" _What do you think you'll see if I do?" A monster? Maybe he's wrong. Maybe his father does hate him, despise him for what he's become._

" _The face of my son."_

You cannot deny the truth that is your family.

No, no—I have to. Snoke. You are Kylo Ren, not Ben Solo _! "Your son," he sneers. "Is gone." But his voice comes out far more desperate than he intended. "He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him!"_

" _No." Kylo hasn't seen this much love, this much hope, on his father's face since he was five or six. "That's what Snoke wants you to believe, but it's not true. My son is alive."_

" _No," Kylo Ren insists. "The Supreme Leader is wise." And Snoke is. He needs it to be true. He needs to trust in the Supreme Leader. He cannot let his father seduce him._ By the grace of your training…

" _Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you. You know it's true."_

He's scared for me _, Kylo realizes, and he wants to throw himself at his father's feet and cry like a child, but he can't. Snoke would find him. He'd kill them all. And after all you've done... His worst fears froth up, and Kylo admits it out loud: "It's too late."_

" _No, it's not. Leave here with me. Come home."_

 _There's so much hope now, and it's light hope, hope from the Light, and Kylo wants to drown in it. But the Dark sinks its claws in, threatening to destroy him._

" _We miss you."_

 _Those three words promise him everything, and Kylo's heart leaps._ Everything _, he thinks, including pain, misery, and humiliation._ You'd have to work for the Resistance and help them set up a new blasted Republic.

 _But they_ miss _him._

" _I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain." And he does, oh he does, and somehow on this bridge it will end, and Kylo's not even sure how he wants it to end. "I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it." Kill Han Solo. Leave Snoke._ Which one? _"Will you help me?"_

"Anything."

 _Kill him. Do it now. But Kylo still hesitates, watches as the first seeds of doubts enter his father's face, and he heeds Snoke's voice and kills him._

"No!" _Rey screeches._

" _Thank you," he breathes, a lie if there ever was one, because when his father touches his face, gazing at him in horror and yet without acceptance, he knows. He knows before Han falls, before he falls to his knees, that this isn't over. That the war inside of him rages on, and instead of relief, he feels only weakness, burning, devouring blackness._

Rey snaps out of Kylo's— _Ben's_ —mind, watching him as he looks at her in fear, as if he expects her to announce it was all a mistake, that she despises him now, as if he expects her to plunge a lightsaber into him.

She pulls him close, pressing her forehead against his. "He loved you. He'd want you to do this." Her voice drops. "It's _not_ too late."

He looks at her as if he wants desperately to believe her.

 _Do you want me to stay with you?_

He shakes his head. "You need to talk to Luke. I'll wait in here."

 _I'll still be with you,_ she promises. _If you need me, just ask._

He nods.

Rey strides outside, feeling her face flush as Finn and Poe chat with R2 and BB-8—or Poe chats, at least. Chewie comes up to Rey, embracing her.

"Thanks, Chewie," she mumbles, catching sight of Luke and Leia standing in the doorway, both lost in a whirlwind of thoughts and memories and regrets.

"Rey." Finn hands over her lightsaber.

"Um." Rey clears her throat, and the Skywalker twins both turn to her. "Leia… he's in there."

The general nods and wipes at her eyes with shaking fingers.

Rey wonders if _her_ mother ever cried for her.

 _The belonging you seek is not behind you, but ahead._

Maybe now, it's all around her.

She turns to Luke, who inclines his head as if asking her to follow him as he steps outside and sits on the grass. Rey copies him.

He looks at her as if she were her own daughter. "You and Kylo Ren share a Force bond."

She nods. "Are you mad at me?"

"No." Luke looks to the sky. "I'm mad at _me_."

Rey waits, feeling the sunlight pour down her back, dribble down her spine. It's soothing.

"When you came to me on Ahch-To, I wasn't surprised, because I always knew that someone would find me. The Force would send someone again." Luke sighs. "But I'd been running for so long."

Rey's confused. "I'm sorry I left."

Luke laughs. "Don't be sorry, Rey. I would have done the same thing. I _did_ do the same thing—I left Yoda to rescue Han and Leia. Obi-Wan wasn't pleased either."

"Who's Obi-Wan?"

"Kenobi. He's—" Luke launches into the story of Obi-Wan, starting with Leia's plea, with the Ben Kenobi he knew growing up. He details how Obi-Wan began his training, how Luke's own father cut him down, but he didn't tell Luke Darth Vader was his father. "I'm going to be more honest with you."

"What do you mean?"

"Leia and I spoke with Maz, Rey. We have reason to believe—we think you're Obi-Wan's granddaughter."

For all her years, Rey's wanted a place to belong, a family, and now that she hears that she might have a surname— _Kenobi_ —it feels strangely empty. And yet she searches with the force, and she knows it's true. Part of her wants to ask _how_ , demand details, and yet part of her wants to wait.

"Tell me about the Force bond," Luke encourages.

* * *

"No, R2, I'll be fine," Leia says as she pauses outside the door her son hides behind.

 _You think I want to forget him? I want him back!_

 _We can still save him. Me. You._

 _If you see our son, bring him home._

And Ben murdered his own father, and yet somehow, he's here. Finn claims he _rescued_ him.

Leia pushes open the door and lets it seal behind her. There, she sees her son for the first time as a man.

Ben's standing below the window, taller than Leia pictured. He whirls around and drops to his knees before her.

He doesn't speak, but Leia can see him trembling as he drops his head. He wraps his arms around himself, squeezing tightly, _too_ tightly.

Leia reaches down, unclasps his hands. "Don't!" That is not the word she's looking for. "I mean—Ben—"

His shoulders shake, and Leia hears him gasping, and she remembers all the nightmares he used to have. " _Ben_." She eases herself onto the bed, letting go of his hands to reach down and grasp his chin, lift his face.

His cheeks are thinner now than when she last saw him, but he still looks like the child she remembers, albeit with tears filling his eyes, eyes that scrabble to look anywhere but at her and fail—he's looking straight at her now. A jagged burn scar falls from his forehead to his cheek. Leia's throat constricts. Her boy. Her son. She wants to take her hands and wipe away the scar like she once wiped his tears.

Her own cheeks are wet. "Ben," she says again, because it's the only thing she wants to say. _Ben_. His name. The name Han picked for their son.

He shakes his head, opens his mouth to speak and finds he can't.

"I know," she says finally. "I know, Ben. I know what you did." White-hot pain flames through her as she remembers.

"I'm sorry," he says, and his voice—she hasn't heard it in fifteen years, hasn't ever heard it so deep. No matter what Snoke's done to her child, what he's done to himself, his voice is still softer than she expects.

He bites his lip as if disgusted with how frail his words sound. "I loved him. I love him. I did—I do. _I'm sorry."_ He drops his face again, sobs tearing him apart. "I wish—I could take it back. I wish it were _me_."

"He wouldn't wish that, though," Leia chokes out.

"I know."

"And you can't undo it."

"I know."

"Come up here." She tugs his arm, pulls him up to sit next to her. She envelops him in her arms, cradling him, breathing the scent of his hair, absorbing his shuddering cries. "I love you."

" _Why?"_ He sounds strangled, desperate.

"Because you're my son." She kisses his forehead. "And all I've ever wanted is you home, and you're here. You're _back_."

"I thought you would forget me."

" _Never_ ," she says. "Not even if I died. Ben, I want you back."

"I'm here," he whispers, lifting his head to look into her eyes. "I'm not with Snoke anymore. Or the Dark Side."

"I know, baby," she soothes, rocking him back and forth. Because she does know. The Force tells her.

"Mother… he touched my face. He told me he missed me," Ben sobs. "I'm a monster."

"He didn't believe that," Leia insists.

Ben deflates in her arms. "I know."

 _We can still save him. Me. You._

 _We still can, Han,_ Leia thinks. _Me. You._

* * *

 **Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! May you have plenty of chocolate. I hope you've enjoyed this weekend of fluffy happy chapters, because things are going to take a darker turn very soon.**


	13. Chapter 13

Chewie still refuses to look at Ben. Luke only studies his nephew when Ben's otherwise distracted, but Rey sees.

With them all aboard the _Millennium Falcon_ and Rey, Luke, and Chewie in the cockpit, Rey finally decides to broach the topic. "Luke, what does it mean if someone's having dreams? Of another Force user?"

"Specifics, Rey. They help."

"Well, Ben had a dream about me before Jakku. Before we'd even met. We couldn't have been bonded yet, right?"

"I would assume not," Luke says carefully.

"So why would he have a dream about me?"

"I'm guessing it was a Force vision," Luke says. "They happen, sometimes. I've heard my father was… afflicted with them. They're like prophecies, but subject to change as all predictions are. They can't necessarily be relied upon."

 _What was your dream of?_ she asks Ben.

He dredges it up from his memories. Himself, in his chambers on board the _Finalizer_ , praying before Darth Vader's decaying helmet. And beyond the windows, instead of the menagerie of stars and planets, was the sands of Jakku, and Rey.

 _That's it?_

 _That's it._

"Are you going to talk to him?" Rey asks, peering at her mentor.

 _Stop, Rey,_ Ben insists.

 _No_.

"Of course," Luke says. "But… you remember the story I told you, Rey, about how—"

"I think you should save this conversation for Ben, face to face," Rey interrupts.

"You are so much like Leia," Luke tells her, and Chewie grunts in agreement. Rey's face burns.

"On that note." Luke rises, his hand brushing Rey's shoulder as he exits.

Rey glances at her copilot. _Not yet._ She can't ask Chewie to talk to Ben yet. She can sense the agony emanating from the Wookiee.

* * *

"Yes, General?"

"Supreme Leader." Hux bows, hating himself for the news he's about to deliver. "Bazine Netal has made contact with us."

"Indeed. And?" Even through the hologram Hux senses extra gravel in Snoke's voice. Could the Supreme Leader be forced to use his powers in the Force already? Hux hopes, but it doesn't matter, thanks to this stupid mercenary.

"She has word that Leia Organa, the girl from Jakku—Rey—Luke Skywalker, and Ben Solo are on their way back." Essentially, it was a platter of Force users for Snoke to pick from.

"Do not _ever_ use that name!" Snoke roars, rising and swooping his neck downwards to glare at Hux. "How dare you, General! You forget your place." He swipes his arm, and the hologram slices through Hux like an icy wind.

 _My place is right where_ you _are_ , Hux thinks hatefully. "My sincerest apologies, Supreme Leader. That was the name Netal used. Perhaps because it's the name the Resistance used."

Snoke sits back, appearing satisfied, but Hux knows his mistake will creep out eventually, will haunt him until Snoke dies. If he ever dies.

"Authorize a strike force," Snoke says.

"Supreme Leader, would it not make more sense to wait?" Hux suggests. "Until the Starkiller is—"

"The Starkiller is _years_ away from becoming a reality, General! We cannot afford to wait years."

 _No_ , Hux thinks. You _can't. I already have been waiting for years_. "With all due respect, it's only _months_ away, Supreme Leader."

"Enough! I am halting all operations on that infernal base until my wishes are carried out!"

Hux freezes. He can't let this happen. His plans cannot stall.

"Authorize a strike team," Snoke says. "Tell them to make certain, this time, that this princess who styles herself a general dies. Tell them to kill Luke Skywalker, as well. And tell them to capture the girl and Kylo Ren alive."

"Of course," Hux says, voice slick and cold. If Kylo Ren survives this strike and is indeed captured, Snoke will be infinitely harder to kill.

No, they will have to continue operations on the Starkiller. Because that might be the only weapon powerful enough to kill Snoke.

* * *

"Ben."

Ben lifts his head to see his uncle standing in front of him. Poe and BB-8, and R2 and Finn power down their Dejarik game.

"Rematch later," Poe promises.

"They probably paid him because we were winning," Finn says to R2, who bleeps in agreement.

They trickle out, and it's just Ben and his mother and Luke.

For the first time since Ben destroyed his uncle's academy, they face each other, and Ben wonders what Luke could be thinking. Was there any chance he remembered that boy who listened, rapt, to his stories? Or did he just see his best friend's murderer?

"I'm sorry," Luke says.

Ben wasn't sure what he expected, but it was not that. "What?" he squeaks.

"I encouraged him to explore the Dark Side, Leia," Luke admits, looking to his sister. Ben watches as his mother's face drains.

"No," Ben insists. "I was already—before you—"

"I wanted to see if the myths of a gray Jedi were real. If they were possible. When Ben asked me about it, I—I encouraged him. To satisfy my own curiosity," Luke confesses.

"Snoke was _already_ taking me down that path, though!" Ben says. "He suggested I ask—he said you might have useful advice—he said it would be a good way to cover—it was _me_ , not you."

"It was me," Mother says. "I should have warned you, Luke. And you, Ben, but I wanted to protect you. I thought I could handle it. I thought I could shield you from Snoke."

"What are you talking about?" Luke asks. Rocks pile in Ben's stomach.

"When I was pregnant with you," Leia says, looking to Ben. "I had a vision. From the Force. I saw Snoke trying to draw you to the Dark Side. I knew he was always there, but I thought I could—I thought—I hoped—"

"It's neither of your faults, though!" Ben shouts. "It's _mine_. I made those choices, on my own. It's _my_ fault."

Months ago, the thought that Snoke had singled him out before birth flattered him, stoked his ego. Now, it nauseates him.

"Snoke met me in my dreams," Ben says. "From the time I was four years old."

"The nightmares," Mother realizes.

"He chased them _away_ ," Ben corrects. "He said he could help me…"

Luke frowns. "Do you think Snoke _sent_ you those nightmares?"

Ben feels in the Force but can't tell. "He could have. Maybe. Some of them."

"Snoke is a master manipulator," Mother spits.

"But it's not either of your faults," Ben says. "Uncle—I'm sorry. I know the words can't—"

"I forgive you, Ben," Luke says, taking his hands and looking at him with something like _respect_ , something pure that Ben doesn't deserve. "And I ask for your forgiveness as well."

"The gray—"

"No, not for that." Luke swallows. "You grew up knowing the story of how I ran away from Yoda to save your mother and father. You knew how I never gave up on _my_ father. But you must have thought I gave up on you."

Ben blinks. "You didn't?"

"I tried to," Luke says. "Because I may be a Jedi, Ben, but I was so tired. So tired of watching the Dark Side take and take and _take_ from me. I gave up on myself, on everything I knew to be good—I went to find the Jedi temple to assuage my own guilt, convince myself that maybe the gray Jedi were real and it wasn't all my fault—get peace from that, but it never came."

Ben reaches out for his uncle, and Luke clutches him, peers at him like he still can't quite believe Ben's _back_.

"Ahem." Luke finally pulls away and studies Ben with a glint in his eyes. "So, I'm sure your mother's already asked, but you and Rey…"

"I have not, because I have _tact_ , Luke."

"I love her," Ben says quickly, glancing at his mother.

Luke smiles, his hand clapping Ben on the shoulder. "Take good care of her, or I might have to intervene. She is the granddaughter of my first mentor, you know."

"She told me," Ben says. His namesake. Her grandfather, the mentor to his grandfather, the one his grandfather struck down. "Our family histories are complicated," he says aloud.

 _That's okay,_ she answers.

Luke and Leia exchange something of an embarrassed look. Ben doesn't even want to know. And then they're both smiling at him, like they're happy for him, proud maybe, and he feels so unworthy, because as happy as it makes him feel, it's still tempered by the realization that his father should be sitting by his side instead of his uncle, and the only reason he's not is because of Ben himself.

 _Are you sure he doesn't know?_ Rey asks. _He did like me an awful lot._

 _Come here,_ he requests.

"Now, really!" shrieks C-3PO as it marches into the room. "Master, Princess—General—are you aware you have two eavesdroppers?"

Poe pops his head in. "We're not really eavesdropping."

"Just maybe to the parts about Rey," comes Finn's voice.

"You sneaks!" Rey accuses as she enters. She smiles at Luke. "Isn't this where my grandfather gave you some of your first lessons?"

"It is," Luke confirms. He swallows and looks back at Ben. "Would you and Rey want to practice?"

"You're offering to train me again?" Ben manages. _So soon?_ Teaching Rey and Finn what he already knows is one thing, but growing stronger in the Force himself—he _wants_ it, and it's the fact that he wants it that scares him. Because he doesn't trust himself.

 _I'll be here,_ Rey reassures him, and she holds out her hand.

He takes her hand, lets her pull him up. "Finn?" he calls.

"Show Luke," Rey interrupts, grabbing Ben's lightsaber from his belt and holding it out.

Finn concentrates, and the lightsaber wavers and flies into his palm.

Mother's jaw drops.

"Oh my," gasps C-3PO.

"Ben taught me," Finn offers, looking to Ben with a smile.

Surrounded by so much love, so many smiling faces and giddy droids, Ben can't remember what ever made him fall for the Dark Side in the first place.

And then he remembers the Senator, and the New Republic.

* * *

The memories surge once they land on D'Qar. Fear grapples with him. _They're going to want my head._

Rey slips her hand in his. He tries to jerk his away. _You shouldn't—_

 _I'm in love with you, Ben Solo. I know you have to face what you've done and I can't face it for you, but I can walk next to you._ She squeezes his hand.

A low growl erupts behind them. Chewie appears, still refusing to look at Ben, who cringes.

"Let's go," says Leia, descending first off the ramp, with 3PO. R2 and Luke follow.

"We're going behind you," Poe says, grimly clutching a blaster. Finn nods and BB-8 purrs.

Chewie snorts and shoves Ben so hard his hand wrenches out of Rey's grasp and he almost falls to the floor.

Rey groans and helps Ben up, but as they descend the ramp, she notices Chewie walking directly behind Ben, giving out the impression of a guardian.

"You're back!"

"Luke Skywalker! It's Luke Skywalker!"

A female pilot—Jessika, Rey remembers—rushes to give Poe a hug. Her nose wrinkles when she sees Ben, who keeps his head low and his shoulders slumped. His lightsaber is safely in Leia's hands.

"Finn, we're all so glad you made it," Jessika gushes.

"Thanks to this guy," Finn says, nodding to Ben, who flinches.

"Well, if you can change…" Jessika shrugs. "And Bazine, she used to work for you too, right?"

A black-lipped, beautiful woman emerges from the crowd to smile at Rey. Chills skip up Rey's pine, because for whatever reason, she doesn't trust Bazine and knows that, with her hand clutched in Ben's, she has no reason not to.

 _We'll keep an eye on her,_ Ben says.

"Kylo Ren," Bazine says. "I must admit I never thought I'd see the day."

"Ben. My name's Ben."

"Right." Bazine flashes a smile. "It's good, though, isn't it? Both of us escaped."

Rey's not certain how much a mercenary needs to _escape_ , but it makes sense that the First Order wouldn't easily let go of anyone they'd worked with.

Rey sees something else flash through Ben's mind. _She's the one who gave us up on Takodana!_

 _I'm sorry._

 _It's okay,_ Rey says.

"General, he cannot be allowed to stay alone," a man Rey recalls as Wexley says.. "Even if he helped Finn escape."

"I know," Leia says. "Rey can keep him in line." She gives Rey a smile of not just maternal care, but also confidence, and Rey realizes just what this show of confidence means, just how much trust Leia is putting in both her and Ben.

"And my brother will be the next door over," Leia adds.

That night, as Rey sleeps with her skin pressed against Ben's, she hears him gasp and moan in his sleep. She shakes off her blue dreams to shove him awake.

"What's wrong?'

He faces her. "Nightmare."

"Snoke?"

"I don't think so." He traces her face, but she can tell he doesn't want her to see the dream, and she's irritated. She could press, search for it, but she doesn't want to do that.

Neither of them drifts back to sleep for hours, Rey wondering what was in the dream, because he won't let her see, and Ben wondering and fearing how he could have a dream where he lost Rey to the Dark Side, to Snoke.

 _She's here. With me. We've chosen the Light_ , he reminds himself.

 _Oh, have you? Have you truly?_

 _I have. I have. I have._

* * *

"What can we do?" Phasma asks.

"I didn't come this far to let Kylo Ren ruin everything again!" Hux rants, pacing back and forth.

"Hence why I asked _what we can do,"_ Phasma snaps. "He's ruining—he's sacrificing stormtroopers on a foolish mission. We can and will wipe the Resistance out with the new Starkiller Base. There is no reason for this mission besides getting back Ren and the scavenger girl."

"Exactly!" Hux seethes. Snoke is cutting their manpower simply for his own devices. _This is not what the First Order needs._

"Any ideas?" Phasma prompts.

"I'm working on it, _Captain_."

"There might be nothing we can do," Phasma says. "Besides wait and see what becomes of this mission. Maybe we're wrong. Maybe Snoke is vital to the First Order and if he's stronger—"

Hux wishes he had Kylo Ren's ability to choke someone. "He is not vital to the First Order! The Force isn't vital to the First Order!"

"General, I don't recall you ever complaining when Ren's interrogation techniques worked—"

"I _do_ recall _you_ complaining when Snoke decided to sacrifice more of your troops!" Hux hisses. "Minutes ago, in fact." His blood boils and infernal heat sweeps through him, throttling him. "Or was that all an act? Is _this_ all a trap? Are you—"

Phasma removes her helmet for the first time in Hux's presence. He's startled by the strong, determined face under there. She's younger than he imagined, unscarred but marred with fury. "Don't ever question me again."

Hux nods, stunned into complacency.

"As much as any of us can trust one another," she spits, fully aware of the irony of them two traitors discussing _trust_. "You can trust me."

"We're doing this for the First Order," Hux says.

Her eyes glitter. "No. I'm doing this for the First Order. You're doing this for your vision for the First Order, which I happen to think might be beneficial. For now."

" _For now?"_ Hux demands. "So I can't trust you."

"Right now you can. And if there's ever a day you can't, I'll warn you first, _General_."

"I suppose—while we wait—" Hux hates conceding. "I can find our more about the Emperor, since he supposedly killed Darth Plagueis but obviously did not. Maybe there will be something that can help us."

* * *

"How can you be so sure he's changed?" Jessika quizzes Poe.

He chugs blue milk, dawn's soft gold falling to the ground. "I don't know. Rey seems pretty certain of it. Finn even. And I trust them, so." And there's the way Ben looks at Rey— _I love her_ —he does, Poe knows he does, because it's the same way Poe looks at Finn. "How are you so sure what's-her-face has changed?"

"She's given us good information so far, about the new Starkiller. Some people are still treating her strangely, though. Like they're suspicious., which I get, I mean, I definitely get it, but I feel bad for her."

Whatever Bazine is facing, Poe doubts it's anything compared to what Ben's dealing with. Not that he doesn't deserve it.

"Maybe Finn could talk to her," Jessika suggests. "He might be able to help."

"You want me to ask him?" Poe knows Finn would probably jump at the idea. Finn likes being useful.

"Yeah, and maybe you can ask Bazine too. Sometimes I think she thinks I hover too much."

Poe snorts. "Okay, then." He rises.

"You're going now?"

"Yep!" Poe lifts his empty glass in the air as he heads off. BB08 rolls up behind him, chattering about how Rey and Ben and Finn are all practicing with Luke and doesn't Poe want to go watch?

"I've got things to take care of. Important things," Poe says, winking at the droid. "You can come, if you want."

BB-8 pauses in the hallway and sheepishly bleeps out that it would rather be levitated by Force users or whatever.

"Fine, fine. I get it. I'm no fun."

BB-8 squeaks.

"I'm kidding, BB-8! Go on."

BB-8 sticks out its stinger, but Poe dances out of the way. "Don't hesitate to use that thing on any of them if they drop you!" he hollers as he searches for Bazine.

BB-8 insults him before driving off.

"Her room's that way," Admiral Ackbar directs Poe.

Poe knocks, hearing Bazine talking in a strange tongue inside. "Bazine? It's Poe, Poe Dameron."

Silence. Then, she opens the door, surveying him with a creased brow. "What do you want?"

"Jessika suggested I talk to you." This is probably now how Jessika wanted him to start out, but Poe doesn't care. He wants Bazine to know she can trust him. He smiles. "Can I come in?"

She steps aside to let him into a chilly room, sparse and small.

A radio blips and crackles.

"So," Poe begins.

"Netal," comes a voice, hard and steely. "The strike team will be landing within the hour. You know your orders."

Poe freezes, and the chill from the room evaporates in comparison to the chill emanating from his own bones. "What strike team?"

"Get Ren and the girl."

Poe grabs at his waist for his blaster, only to realize he never grabbed it this morning. _Shit_. But Bazine has one, and she's pointing it directly at Poe's forehead.

"Make a sound, and I'll kill you," she hisses, her tongue protruding from her mouth ever so slightly, like a snake.

Poe swallows and shrugs. "You'll kill me anyway." He lunges at her, expecting to hear a shot go off, feel a blaster burn its way through his body, but nothing comes. He crashes into Bazine, and her fist collides with his jaw. The back of his skull slams into the wall with a crack.

But Poe scrambles back to his feet only to realize that Bazine is clearly trained to fight, and she's fast and lithe and merciless. He knocks her down only for her to bite his forearm and knee him in the groin. Gasping, Poe feels his hair yanked back, his shoulder slamming into a corner, a sharp corner, and then Bazine is on top of him and her hands close around his throat.

He gags, and air's right there, he can feel it, it's cool and fresh and ready for him, but he can't suck it in, and his lungs are dying, and his brain is burning, and his eyes swell with pressure, and still she doesn't let up. His fingertips tingle, his toes.

 _Is this how I die?_

Poe thinks of his mother, his father, General Organa, and _Finn_. Steeling every last ounce of energy, he bucks his legs and throws her off him, but he can't run. Air floods his lungs, and he's still gasping, still wheezing.

A blaster slams against his temple.


	14. Chapter 14

Ben leans back, watching as Rey and Finn try to levitate R2 and BB-8.

"R2! You're flying!" crows C-3PO.

"Glad you decided to show," Ben teases, raising his hand in a threat.

"Oh, no, Master Ben, don't do that!" 3PO shudders. "I came to find out—has Poe Dameron been around?"

Ben frowns. "No. BB-8 said he was talking to Bazine Netal."

"Well, the General is looking for him, and no one seems to have seen him," 3PO reports, a definite undercurrent of anxiety in his tone.

 _Bazine_ … Dread seeps through Ben. Rey and Finn laugh, and Luke joins. Ben stands. "Where is Bazine's room?"

 _What's going on?_ Sensing his darkening mood, Rey sounds alarmed.

 _I'm going to look for Poe._ Ben stalks back towards the base.

 _I'll come._

 _No—stay with Luke and Finn._

"I don't think that you're supposed to be wandering around alone," snaps Admiral Ackbar.

Ben pushes back the red creature he's known since childhood. "Get out of my way."

"Well, really!"

"Excuse me, sir," begins C-3PO behind Ben. "He's actually acting on the General's orders—very important—"

 _C-3PO's lying for me._ Ben wishes the circumstances would let him turn around and thank the droid, but the Force is urging him on, simmering with menace.

 _Do you feel it?_ he asks Rey.

 _Yes._

"Down the stairs, take a right, and a left, three doors down!" C-3PO calls after him. "No, I'm sorry, Admiral, you're not allowed to go with him!"

Ben grabs the hilt of his lightsaber as he turns, turns again, and counts three doors. He raps on it, and with a creak it swings open.

Ben steps inside, finger ready to ignite his lightsaber when something slams into his knees, toppling him. The lightsaber flies out of his grasp, and a black boot kicks it away.

 _Ben!_ Rey screams.

"Move and I shoot you. And your friend!" Bazine's voice snarls. Still gripping his knee, Ben turns to see her pointing a blaster not at him, but at a barely conscious Poe, tied up in a corner with blood caked on his face and down his neck, stemming from his temple.

" _Poe!"_ Ben cries.

 _I'm coming!_ Rey vows.

"I mean it," Bazine warns, backing away but still keeping the blaster aimed.

"Ben," Poe groans. "Ben, the First Order—they're coming—"

Bazine snatches the lightsaber and makes for the door. Ben scrambles to freeze her with the Force, but she dodges him and races out. The door shuts with an ominous click.

 _I failed,_ Ben realizes. He's never been so slow.

 _The Light. It's weakening you._

 _No._ Ben tries to think of other things, of other people—people who matter to him—

Ben tries to yanks at the handle, but it doesn't budge. _Rey!_ He turns around, seeing Poe moan, his head wobbling.

 _Is he okay?_ Rey shrieks.

"Poe." Ben rushes back to his friend, untying the rope around his wrists. Rage shoots through him a familiar, consuming feeling. He tries to push it away, block it. His hands shake.

"This is a change from the last time I was a captive," Poe rasps.

Ben grasps Poe's face, turning it to check the wound. It's not terribly deep, but the skin around the gash already swells maroon. "Rey's coming," he reassures his friend. _Focus on her, on Poe, on the fact that you have the chance to atone..._ But the rage and the murderous anger—how Bazine had infiltrated them, how she lied to them, hurt them, put them all in danger—he wishes he'd come in swinging the lightsaber, taken her down before she took him down. Humiliation rakes at him.

"The First Order is too," Poe mumbles.

 _Please, no_.

Does Snoke want him dead, or dragged back? He prefers the first option. He can't be a puppet anymore.

An explosion shakes the room. Something rattles inside him. _Don't. Don't hate._

Kylo kicks at the door and screams.

* * *

"Get down!" Finn grabs Rey and tackles her to the ground as dirt and bark and stone whip through the air like blaster shots. Luke crouches behind them, sandwiched between R2 and BB-8.

"Bazine," Rey breathes, and something like dark fire spreads through her. "They're going to try and kill you!" she shouts at Luke. "And your sister!"

"I know." Luke ignites his green lightsaber. Rey lights up hers, a brilliant blue.

"Let them try," Finn says grimly. "I need a blaster."

"Finn, you find Leia!" Luke shouts.

" _I don't even have a lightsaber!_ " Finn screams. "Won't she be safer with you?"

"Just _go!"_ Luke screams back, racing ahead towards the distinct crunching of trees being pulverized by landing ships.

"I'll find Ben!" Rey calls to her friends, racing with BB-8 on her heels. R2 sticks by Finn.

Blaster shots pew through the air, and another explosion sends her diving to the ground. Her chin scrapes against the gravel. Jessika Pava races by, leaping into an X-wing and taking off within seconds to meet the TIE fighters in the air.

 _Rey, don't be stupid! Stay safe._

 _I'm coming to find you!_ she snaps. _What if a bomb goes off right over the bunker you're in?_

She can feel his rage swirling, his embarrassment at needing to be rescued, and she wants to quell it, but she can't. It's contagious. It envelops her, sweeping it up into its adrenaline surge.

A stormtrooper rushes her, and Rey blocks his blasts with her lightsaber, reminding her of the time Kylo Ren followed her into the woods, and it was like a game to him… But this isn't a game, and she stabs the stormtrooper through a gap in his armor at the neck, killing him.

BB-8 squeals, and two more stormtroopers leap at her. One Rey slices at, and the other flies meters away, shot but Chewie's bowcaster.

Something silver and black dances to her right. Rey whirls around to see Bazine Netal leaping over the flaming remains of a starfighter, hurtling towards the forest. Rage, black and steaming, grips at Rey's lungs. _She can't get away—she knows too much!_ _She hurt Poe! And locked Ben…_ "BB-8, get Chewie to help Ben and Poe!" she shouts, before racing after Bazine.

Bazine glances behind her to see Rey charging, and smiles.

* * *

Finn snatches a blaster from one of the stormtroopers Rey took down. "Keep up, R2!" he shouts over his shoulder, looking for any sign of Leia, feet pounding the pavement, heart pounding against his ribcage.

Something gold glints to his left, and R2 shrieks and races towards C-3PO. Finn skids and chases after the droids, who take cover behind a starfighter. "3PO! Where's Leia? Where's the General?"

"Over _there!"_ wails 3PO, pointing to the crumpled remains of what was once an X-wing. Leia crouches behind it, aiming and shooting her blaster at stormtroopers.

"You stay here!" Finn directs, firing and then running towards Leia.

"Finn!" Leia greets him. "Luke should know I can take care of myself," she mutters, picking off stormtroopers with an expertise that astounds Finn.

3PO and R2 dash over to them. "What are we going to do, what are we going to do?" sobs C-3PO.

"Beat them, that's what!" Leia shouts as a flaming TIE fighter spirals into the nearby forest.

* * *

Ben howls and pounds at the door, but it won't budge. There are no windows. Infuriated, he kicks the bed, smashes his fist into the wall.

"I could be wrong," mutters Poe, sweat soaking his hair. "But I don't think that's gonna help."

The door blasts open.

"Oh wow," Poe says, agape. "Maybe it did."

Chewie storms into the room, roaring, bowcaster aimed. The Wookiee lowers it when he sees Ben standing awkwardly to avoid further damaging his knee, and Poe, slumped against the wall.

Chewie reaches out and grabs Ben by his arm, moaning a message: _are you okay?_

Ben nods, a lump in his throat. The Wookiee cuts through his fury, quieting it. He searches for Rey in his mind, realizing he hasn't heard her in the past few minutes.

 _Good_ , Chewie snarls. _Because we need you_.

"Poe," Ben says, and Chewie squats to take the pilot in his arms. Chewie nods towards the bowcaster. _Take it._

 _Rey, I'm safe,_ Ben reports as he leads them out of the bunker. _Rey?_

Nothing but black silence.

Ben races outside, craning his neck to see starfighters taking down TIE fighters. _The Resistance is going to win_. The rest of the Resistance may not know it yet, but he does.

Something green and familiar sparks to his side. Ben whirls around to see Luke cutting down a stormtrooper, but three more charge at his uncle's back. Ben fires the bowcaster, taking down two of them, and a blue blaster shot takes down the third.

Luke glances at Ben and nods, and Ben spots his mother behind a downed ship, blaster already swiveling about to take down another enemy.

 _Rey!_ Ben calls again.

Something throbbing and dark prevents him from reaching her. Something from the forest… Ben runs, as fast as his injured leg will carry him.

* * *

" _You_ ," Rey seethes. "How could you?"

Bazine's slowed and faces her, grinning maniacally. She ignites Ben's lightsaber, and Rey's heart stops.

"Come to get your boyfriend's tool?" Bazine croons.

"That doesn't belong to you," Rey snarls, powering up her own lightsaber. Bazine's face falters, but only for a moment.

"Soon it won't belong to anyone," Bazine taunts. "Snoke will punish Kylo Ren, turn him back and kill him, you'll see. After he kills Skywalker and your pathetic General today. And then you'll be no one to anybody but Snoke."

Rey swings at her, and almost instantly hits Bazine on the hand. Screaming, the woman falls, straight onto Ben's lightsaber, which Rey picks up.

Bazine writhes, gasping and screeching in pain, but Rey doesn't care. Rage stabs through her, biting and churning and _invigorating_ , intoxicating, thrilling. She holds both lightsabers dangerously close to Bazine's smooth cheeks, watches as the girl panics and cries as Rey presses both sabers into her shoulders.

BB-8 screeches and rushes away.

"Netal!" booms a voice. A stormtrooper's voice. Rey whirls around to see seven of them, all aiming blasters at her.

"Well done," one of them tells the still gasping woman on the ground.

 _No_. Panicked now, Rey summons the Force with a strength she's never used before, freezing three of the stormtroopers and sending two month into a tree. Wielding both lightsabers, she deflects the blasts of all but one shot, but the pain only increases her strength. She lunges and stabs the stormtrooper who shot her, then the other one who's free, and turns on the ones feebly stirring beneath the tree, consumed with red darkness.

A shout tears through it, dampening her resolve with blue. " _REY!"_

* * *

" _Rey!"_ Ben screams, watching with his stomach clamped in horror as the woman he loves looks to kill two already downed stormtroopers. BB-8 shrieks by his side. "Rey, _stop!"_

 _Oh, but don't they deserve it, though?_

Ben's heart aches and his lungs burn. The darkness slips in around him, tugging at his mind, pulling him along— _this is what you want—this is what you need to do—_

 _No!_

"Rey! Ben!" pants Luke, appearing behind Ben.

The darkness retreats. Rey's still looking at Ben, frozen except for her eyes, which broil with terror and rage.

"Please," whimpers one of the stormtroopers, and Rey raises both lightsabers.

" _Rey!"_ Ben screams again, plunging towards her. "Rey, please! Please, Rey." He could stop her, he should stop her—except he can't, it doesn't work that way—his mind won't even connect with hers.

He does the only thing he can, and holds out his hand to her. "Come on, Rey. You don't want to do this."

Rey gasps, and he feels the darkness melt, feels her light enter his mind again. The lightsabers drop onto the earth and Luke instantly snaps them into his hands.

Rey clamps her hand over her mouth, looking from the living stormtroopers to the dead ones, to Bazine, and screams.

"Rey, Rey, it's okay!" Ben grabs her, pulls her against his chest, holding her quivering form.

" _I killed them!"_

Ben hears something rustle behind him and jerks around to see Bazine scrambling to her feet to lunge at them both. Ben summons the Force, but before he can blast her into a tree, Chewie appears and rips Bazine's arms off.

Rey screams louder, and Ben grabs her face, forcing her to look at him. "Look at me, Rey, look at me! _Don't_ look at her! At them! _Look at me,"_ he pleads.

Rey wilts in his arms, still sobbing. "The Dark Side—I let it—"

"I know," he says, breath hitching, and now he's crying too. "I know, Rey. Believe me, I know."

 _Was it her darkness, or yours?_

"Luke!" Mother charges towards them.

"Leia," Luke says wearily. "We have some prisoners. Some need medical treatment."

"Poe?" Ben inquires, still holding Rey's shuddering body against his.

"He'll be all right. Finn's with him," Mother says, taking in the scene with a white face. "Is Rey hurt?"

"She'll be okay," Ben says. "I just need—we need some time." He tries to walk, but Rey's legs aren't working, so he picks her up like he did that time on Takodana, carrying her back towards the base. "Keeping looking at me. At me, Rey."

Her fear, her disgust and horror, fill him, and Ben would give anything to wipe it away, wipe away the scars the Dark Side leaves on her, because he too bears those scars; he, too, feels the pulse of shame, far stronger than she does.

 _You're no good for her._

Ben rushes past the battlegrounds, past a dazed Jessika Pava and past a frantic Finn and moaning Poe. He takes Rey back to their room, the room they spent the night wrapped in each other's arms in, and lays her on the bed.

"What have I done?" Rey cries, clamping her hands against her forehead. "What did I _do?"_

"The Dark Sides tempts every Jedi, Rey." _And it's me._ He shields the thought from her, but the terror corrodes at him. What if their bond—what if his darkness is corrupting her?

 _There's Light in you, too. Focus on that. Strengthen the Light._

She lifts her hands away, staring at him with her eyes running. "I gave _in_ to it, though, Ben. Why?"

"You're not perfect," he says.

"I'm so scared."

He reaches out and strokes her face, strokes her cheek the way Han stroked his. He can't speak. Tears run down his own face. _I'm sorry, Rey._

" _I'm_ sorry," she sobs. "They didn't deserve that. And—Ben—" She gulps. "I felt powerful, Ben, so powerful. And—" She lets him in, and he sees her secret: she liked how it felt.

Of course she did. Hadn't he liked the power, the spinning, giddy exhilaration it afforded him? _I know. I felt it, too._

 _You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the Force!_

Ben sees Rey in the forest and knows that it was wrong, all wrong, even in her moments of power. T _his isn't who she's meant to be._

 _Or you._

 _It's not worth it. Not with this pain._ The remorse.

 _I know._ "Even Luke grapples with the Dark Side," Ben tells her. "He almost struck down his own father."

"But, he stopped."

"You stopped today." _And I didn't._ And that was Ben's worst fear, when he saw her—that she would reject his hand, reject what he offered her, just as he rejected his father.

"You stopped eventually, too," she reminds him and sits up, leaning against him. She looks up at him, almost as if she wants to kiss him, but she doesn't: in her mind, Ben senses that she just wants him to hold her.

He does.

* * *

"What happened out there?" Leia demands as Luke wipes his brow.

He shakes his head. He can't fault Rey, but his heart bleeds for her even as his anxieties rise and crash inside him. Could he handle the fall of another student? "Ben will take care of it." _If there's anyone who can calm her down, it'll be him,_ Luke tells himself, because Ben _knows_.

What if he was too forgiving of Ben? What if his nephew is corrupting Rey? What if the Force bond is destroying them both?

 _There's Darkness in us all._

"Is Rey okay?" Finn demands, his hand resting on Poe's shoulder.

"She'll be all right," Luke answers, because he needs it to be true.

Sobbing comes from a corner where Jessika Pava stands. Leia heads over to her, putting her hand on the girl's shoulder.

Finn's eyes follow a pilot carrying Bazine's deceased body, catch on the distinct lightsaber burns visible on her torso. He gulps.

Luke sighs. Part of him wants to burst in, tell Rey what she did wasn't really that bad, but he did that with Ben once, when the twelve-year-old boy had used the Force to beat another boy who had cruelly mocked him, and Luke knows how that turned out.

And Luke walked away from Ben after that, and now he can't avoid Rey.

Luke cranes his head and studies Finn. "Think your friend will be all right for a moment?"

"I'mma be fine," breathes Poe. "Go talk the Force… and shit."

Finn squeezes Poe's shoulder. "I'll be right back." He follows Luke. "Rey killed Bazine, didn't she?"

Luke nods.

"Defense?"

Luke doesn't answer, which is an answer itself. "Ben's comforting her. He can offer her what we can't." Luke hopes.

"The Dark Side? I worked for the First Order, don't forget," Finn reminds him.

"You never killed for them, kid. You never even wanted to. Because you never fully gave in to the Dark Side. Ben has. He knows what it's like." Luke grips Finn's shoulder. "The Dark Side offers intense power, Finn, but always at a terrible cost. Remember that." _Please don't turn to the Dark Side, too._

 _Forever will it dominate your destiny…_

What if Luke's brief dalliances with it have forever dominated his, and his students'?

Finn nods. "Can we ask to see her?"

"I think we should," Luke croaks.

BB-8 pops up behind them, bleeping that it wants to come along.

They knock, and Ben tells them to come in. Rey's head rests on his shoulder, her arms still tightly wound around him. Finn swallows, and then smiles.

"Hey, Rey." Finn sits next to her.

She lifts her head, nose swollen from crying, and embraces him. " _Finn_."

He hugs her back, and Luke puts his hand on Rey's head. With his other hand, he offers Ben both their lightsabers back, even as his conscience screams and calls him a fool.

When did hope become a danger, a threat, for him?

* * *

" _Defeated?"_ rages Snoke, and Hux feigns his own humiliation. Well, not quite feigns. It's real. He can't quite believe the Resistance fought off some of his best troops—Phasma's best troops—but now, their plan…

"The only thing that makes sense now, Supreme Leader," Hux begins primly. "Is to redouble our efforts on the new Starkiller Base. Then, we'll be able to obliterate the Resistance once and for all." _Or, at least,_ I _will be able to._ He doesn't look at Phasma, but even though her helmet, he feels her gaze on him.

"Fine," Snoke acquiesces.

Hux waits for the inevitable "go," but it doesn't come.

"I heard Netal gave us a piece of valuable information," Snoke drawls.

"Oh?" Hux's pulse quickens. Phasma lifts her shoulders in a shrug.

"It seems the stormtrooper who betrayed you—"

"FN-2187," Hux supplies, to prove that he still remembers the soldier, that he hasn't forgotten, that he's a worthy commander. To prove it to himself, far more than Snoke, but maybe also to Snoke.

"FN-2187—is still with the Resistance."

 _This is hardly news_. "Indeed, Supreme Leader."

"And it appears he, too, is Force sensitive and training with Luke Skywalker."

Hux tries to swallow and can't. _No._ Will these _damn fucking_ Force users never cease to make him feel the fool? "We shall destroy him, then," Hux manages.

"I want you to go through all our computerized records, starting with your father, Brendol Hux's, cadets," Snoke commands, resting back in his throne. "I want you to look for any families with a Jedi history."

"Supreme Leader, we've done that," Hux protests. "You converted them all into Knights of Ren, or had Kylo Ren slaughter them."

"Apparently, you and your _worthless_ father weren't thorough enough!" Snoke thunders, and Hux cringes. "We have a grandchild of Obi-Wan Kenobi's, and what appears to be a grandchild of Mace Windu's."

 _Who?_ Hux struggles to remain impassive. It doesn't work, and Snoke's words strike out, thrashing him worse than his father ever had with a whip.

"You ignorant _fool_. You're only mindful of your own importance, General, and only useful to me in that you've been able to develop what seemed to be a strong program for training our troops—but starting with FN-2187's desertion, your program has begun to show its _weaknesses_ , and with each day, you look a little less like your father—who wasn't even brave enough to work with me—and more like the sniveling, desperate waste of potential your mother was."

Hux's face burns. "I can still be useful, Supreme Leader. Let me comb the records. If I have made any further errors, I assure you, I will correct them." He manages to spit the last syllables out without his voice cracking.

"Good," sneers Snoke. "I await your report, General."

"The most complete records we have are already on the Starkiller Base," Hux ekes out.

"Then _go_." Snoke vanishes. Hux still senses Phasma's gaze and wants to slap her. _Anything_ to get this shame off of him.

Phasma walks out ahead of him. When they're outside, she speaks. "The records might give us a cover for finding more information."

"Indeed." Hux doesn't want to talk. He wants to be Emperor, right now, right this second, make her bow before him, make Snoke die because this burning sensation, it's eating him up.

He imagines himself going through those records, all of them, reading the names, and knows he'll read the name of the one he killed at thirteen.

The trouble is, he won't recognize it.

It's never bothered him before, Hux thinks angrily.

 _Yes, it has._

* * *

"Our victory here was temporary," Leia says to the gathered crew of Resistance members, some with purple and blue bruises and red gashes on their faces, some human, some not human, but all looking to her for instruction. "It won't matter, so long as they craft a new Starkiller Base."

"We'll have to stop them," Jessika Pava says. "Like we did last time."

"Jessika's right," Poe puts in, a bandage still around his skull. Jessika shoots him a grateful smile.

"I know where the base is," Ben says quietly. "It's not yet finished. It's far more vulnerable than the first one."

"And yet we still managed to blow that one," Poe says, smirking.

"He remembers," Finn says. "Trust me."

"We'll have to go there, won't we," says Luke. "Shut down the shields…"

"Like Han did," Leia whispers.

"I can do it," Ben volunteers, unable to look at his mother, and it hurts her.

"We can," Finn says. "You, me, and Rey."

"And your master," Luke puts in.

"I will go as well," Leia says. She's not letting her son risk himself without her there. Not when she's just gotten him back.

"General, you can't!" cries Ackbar. "You're too—"

"No one's too important," Leia says. "While I'm gone, Ackbar, _you_ will call the shots."

The red creature's eyes fill with tears.


	15. Chapter 15

"Every time I think of the Starkiller, it reminds me of the Death Star, and Alderaan," Mother says bleakly, her eyes traveling to a world that no longer exists.

Ben swallows as he picks at the clothes Mother's given him. A white shirt, a vest, and dark pants—he looks like his father, and he loves it, but can't plug the shame heating his face. "I never intended—" He stops. What does it matter? Will she even believe him?

She faces him, head tilted.

"I didn't want them to target the Resistance base," Ben admits. "I never meant for that to happen." Even though it wouldn't have happened but for him taking Rey instead of BB-8.

"And the New Republic?" Mother inquires.

Dark creeps up inside of him, sparking. He tries to quench it. _Rey. Mother forgiving him. Luke…_ No, it hadn't been his first choice, but he felt no qualms about destroying the Republic in such a way.

Mother shakes her head. "It will be okay. The Republic will rise again—"

"And so will the First Order, or the Empire, or whatever it decides to call itself," Ben shoots back. "Tell me, Mother, what even is the difference?"

"Decency. Freedom."

"Decenc—" Ben scoffs. He can't help it. Light and Dark twist inside him. He feels Rey's calming presence, but that can't stop the agony from shredding his throat. "Senators who called you a warmonger and would have staged your murder—you call them _decent_? How are they any different than the First Order?" _Senators who hurt children…_

"No system of government will ever be perfect, Ben," Mother states, her face stoic even as her voice rises.

He clenches his fists so tightly his knuckles pop. "The New Republic was weak, ignorant, and corrupt, and you know it."

"As opposed to?" she shoots back.

"The First Order wasn't weak." It was ignorant, though, of the Light. _Does that make it weak?_

Maybe.

"Don't let anyone else hear you saying that," Mother commands, her eyes flashing and her lip curling. Ben can feel the fear and disgust rolling off her. Fear for him, or of him, or both?

"Fine," Ben snaps, storming out the door and back to his own room, where he crawls onto the bed, shaking as his mind flashes with images he doesn't want.

" _What are you doing out here, Ben?" Lor San Tekka's voice freezes the child who's been slinking along the walls, trying to find his way back to the chambers he shares with his parents, trying to conceal his sobs._

 _What if the senator sent Lor San Tekka after him? Ben looks up at his parents' friend in utter terror, and watches as the man's face dissolves from mild disapproval into concern._

" _I fell," he says. "I was just—exploring."_

" _Are you hurt?"_

Yes. _He shakes his head. "No."_

 _Lor San Tekka reaches for his arm. "You're not far from your rooms. Let me take you back."_

" _No!" Ben flinches, stumbling over himself and falling as he tries to avoid the man's arm. "Stay away!"_

" _Don't be ridiculous, Ben." Lor Sak Tekka grabs him, pulling him upright, and Ben has no choice but to let the man lead him along back to his room._

" _I won't tell the Princess," Lor San Tekka says, obviously assuming that's what Ben wants to hear, but it's too similar, too close, and Ben can only nod._

 _When the door closes, he screams and thinks about smashing everything, but he can't or they'll know, and so he smashes his own hand again and again into the side of a bench, and years later, when he sees the old man's face again, he smashes his lightsaber down into him._

"Ben," Rey's voice interrupts him, and Ben realizes he's been slamming his fist repeatedly into the mattress. "Stop!"

"I'm sorry," he croaks.

"Don't be." She grabs his hand, examining it. "The mattress may not be soft, but it doesn't seem like you've broken it."

He tries to laugh, to smile.

"I always disappoint her, Rey," he confesses. "I'll somehow mess up this Starkiller mission—I can't—"

"Bullshit," Rey says. "You do _not_ always disappoint her." She links her fingers with his. "You brought me back." She's desperate. She's scared. Scared he'll turn? Scared she'll turn?

"The same could be said of you, with me," he tries to encourage her, even as he wants to implode, slash his insides with a lightsaber.

"Maybe not quite." Rey clears her throat. "When I—in the woods, with the Dark Side—I couldn't feel you. You couldn't feel me. I think our bond works through the Light, Ben. The Light was always inside you."

Hope glistens, but Ben's afraid to reach for it. Hope calls his name on a bridge, and Ben knows now that he should just walk away, but _damn_ it, he can't.

Ben lays his head on her shoulder. "What happens after we destroy the Starkiller? If a _new_ New Republic rises?"

"It was one senator, Ben."

"No. Others wanted to get rid of my mother. She was _inconvenient_." He snorts. "And right about everything."

"I don't know," Rey whispers. "Why don't you tell her?"

He shakes his head. _She's had enough sorrow in her life._ "I can't."

Rey sighs. "We're leaving at dawn."

"I'm ready." He's not, but he will be.

 _You will be_ , Rey agrees. _And if I let the Dark Side in again,_ stop _me._

"You won't," Ben assures her, because he's afraid that if she does, he will too.

He kisses her, reminding himself that love, that touch, can be good, can be pure.

* * *

"You ready, Jedi in training?" jokes Poe, clapping Finn on the shoulder.

"You ready, best pilot in the Resistance?" Finn returns. "I've got the lucky jacket, after all."

Poe laughs so widely he reveals all his teeth, and Finn feels a warm beat in his stomach.

Finn shrugs it off. "See you on the other side."

"Right. No one's allowed to die." Poe winks and saunters over to his X-wing, BB-8 dutifully rolling behind. "Enjoy becoming a hero the second time!"

 _I'm not a hero, though. A hero wouldn't let his enemy slice him in the spine with a lightsaber. A hero wouldn't get captured._

 _Poe got captured too,_ Finn reminds himself. _And you rescued him._

"Once we get there," Luke commands as Finn gathers with a determined Rey, a calm Leia, an exhausted-looking Ben, and Chewie, R2, and C-3PO. "We lower the shields together. Ben knows the code."

Ben nods. "It's too much work for them to change them."

"That is stupid," Rey tells him, and Ben smirks.

"It might be a good idea to have R2 plug into the system, if we can," Ben says.

"Why?" Leia crosses her eyes, regarding her son.

"Because all the Empire's old files are kept on that base. If we get access to them, we might be able to learn more about Snoke, things I don't even know—"

"This isn't about your personal vendetta against Snoke," Leia informs him. Gently, but even Finn feels the sting.

"That's not what I meant. I—if we don't get those files, Snoke has a significant advantage."

"Why do you think this?" Luke probes.

"Because he wouldn't even allow _me_ access to all of them, except for ones related to Darth Vader." Ben's hand latches with Rey's. "If we let him go free, he'll find another Force user, reform the Knights of Ren, _something_."

"What happened to the Knights of Ren?" Finn questions.

"The Resistance killed them," Ben says at the same time Leia says, "Snoke killed them when they disappointed him."

"Well, these are the kinds of things we can find out!" Rey says. "If we use R2—"

Chewie roars.

"Thank you, Chewie," Ben says.

"I must say, Princess," says C-3PO tentatively. "I quite agree. But R2, you have to make certain not to get destroyed—oh, I hate waiting—"

"Fine," Leia agrees.

* * *

"Where are you from, anyways?" grumbles Hux as he scans innumerable files. Snoke's directives are giving him the most colossal headache he's had since Ren left.

"It doesn't matter," returns Phasma. "I belong to the First Order."

Hux rubs his temples. "Your loyalty is commendable."

"Thank you."

Pain doesn't usually derail Hux, but this oppressive, cloudy headache beats him down. "Why are you so devoted to the First Order?"

"Why are _you?"_ Phasma shoots back.

"My father trained at the Imperial Academy. He started the Commander's Cadets."

"I know all this," she snips.

Hux punches in more code. His fingers throb.

"What happened to your mother?" Phasma asks.

Hux's shoulders stiffen. "She committed suicide." He tries not to picture her swinging from that stupid, twisted tree, but he sees it anyways.

And then he sees another face, the face of the cadet he murdered and hung from a tree.

 _You have to make it look like an accident!_ they were told.

Hux will never forget his father's face when Brendol Hux saw the cadet swinging.

"How old were you?" Phasma inquires. Her tone is still detached, but there's a softness to it that Hux isn't used to.

"Five."

" _Brendol, darling, you've got to promise me you won't let him be killed!"_

" _That's years away, and if he's going to be strong like me, he's got to face what everyone else has to face, and then some!" Father rages._

The creak of a rope echoes in Hux's ears, back and forth…

"Your family?" Hux demands, pushing the sounds, the sight, out of his mind.

"My family is the First Order."

"I know you weren't raised from birth, Captain. Or I could just go through and find your file." He needs to have her information. He _needs_ to have something on her, a blaster of emotion that he can fire at her should she ever choose to fire his at him.

"They died. The New Republic sat on their asses while our planet warred against our neighboring planet. Eventually, they bombed us all. The First Order took me then." Phasma continues reading as if it doesn't bother her, but he knows it does, because thinking about his mother still bothers him.

 _And the cadet._

 _Fuck!_ Hux can't let this happen. Not if he's to rule the First Order. If sentiment infects him, travels through his bloodstream, the entire galaxy will be doomed.

A blast echoes above them.

* * *

"Shields are down!" Rey crows. Her voice crackles from the radio Finn grips as he and R2 rush through the corridors of the wannabe Starkiller. Unfinished though it is, the metal corridors and dark shadows taunt Finn with their eerie familiarity.

"All right!" Finn cheers.

"How long will it take you, Finn?" Luke demands.

"Not long. Five minutes or so." Finn wheels down a hallway on his left, R2 following. If the base is designed the same as the old one…

"Hit it with all you got!" Poe hollers, and Finn's heart swells with pride in his friend. _He's a true hero_.

An explosion roars through the hallways of the bunker, and Finn's stomach rollicks. "This way!"

He sees it, the distinct metal doors authorizing only top personnel. "Ben, I need the code!"

Ben relays it to him, and Finn punches it in. "Thanks."

"One move, one sound out of your traitorous mouth, FN-2187, and you're dead," snarls the voice of someone who never acknowledged him until he fled. _Hux_.

"My name's Finn now," he retorts.

* * *

Poe doesn't see or hear the cannon shot before it slams into his X-wing, smashing through the side. "Shit!"

BB-8 bleeps and bleeps.

"We'll be okay, BB-8!" he shouts, even as the starfighter flips and spirals, hurtling towards the frozen ground. _Come on—pull up, pull up, dammit, pull_ up!

 _Yes!_ The X-wing soars out of the spiral, still rushing towards the ground but in a far more manageable position. "Hold on, BB-8!"

The droid's tethers shoot out to keep Poe in place as they slam into the ground. The impact sends Poe's teeth crashing into each other, cutting through his tongue. He spits out blood, gasping in air as his lung struggle to work.

"Poe! Are you all right?" shouts Jessika from the radio.

"I'm alive," Poe croaks out. BB-8 squeaks.

"Can you get back in the air?" demands Leia.

BB-8 retracts its tethers, allowing Poe to climb out and inspect the engine. His knees and elbows, his neck, all throb. "Don't think so."

"We're coming for you," Rey says immediately. "Ben and I will find you. Leia, you and Luke get back to Chewie."

"You're not exactly in a position to give orders," Poe scolds her.

"We're following them anyways," Leia says.

Poe reaches for his blaster, readying it even though he doesn't see any stormtroopers around. "See, Finn?" he says. "No one's allowed to die."

No response.

"Finn?"


	16. Chapter 16

"Finn, come in!" Rey barks.

Cannons screech and bombs thunder, but her friend's voice doesn't come.

"I can't get him either!" Poe exclaims as Rey and Ben stagger up a ridge to see the downed X-wing and the orange-clad pilot leaning near it. The matching droid immediately notices and speeds across the snow towards them.

"We see you!" Ben bellows, waving at Poe. "Come to us!"

Poe struggles towards them, limping. As he gets closer, Rey sees that his face is bruised and his lip cracked, but he doesn't so much as grimace. "We can't leave without him." The panic invading Poe's voice chills Rey even more than the icy wind.

"Of course we can't," she agrees. _Which way to the archives?_

 _If we go back in there, there's no guarantee we won't all be blown apart._

But she feels his heart despite the cold words, and Rey sees Ben's memory galloping ahead.

"This way," Ben directs. "I've got a bad feeling about this…"

"If you're doing what I think you're doing—" Leia starts.

"Did your son _ever_ listen to you?" Poe yells.

* * *

"I thought this one was supposed to be Force sensitive," scoffs General Hux. "Where's your lightsaber, _Jedi_?"

"Haven't built one yet," Finn snaps, eyes stinging from Phasma's blow.

"Clever," remarks Captain Phasma.

"You don't learn the first time, do you?" Finn demands. "You're about to lose your second Starkiller Base."

"And you're going to be lost along with it," Hux says, regarding Finn with far more hatred than Finn's ever seen.

"You two first," Finn says, even though he has no weapon anymore and it's hopeless, but he won't let them see that he's afraid. Never again.

Hux cocks the blaster.

"Stop!" Phasma grabs the weapon.

"What are you doing?" Hux shrieks. "We're about to lose _everything_ because of this traitor, Phasma, again! Again! And again! I'm going to lose the weapon I've worked on since my father died, and I'm going to lose the archives—"

Finn never pictured General Hux spluttering and screeching like this. "What do you need the archives for?"

"None of your concern, _traitor!"_

"Watch who you're calling traitor!" shouts Poe.

 _Poe_.

Finn spins around to see his friend stumbling towards him, an angry orange droid spinning towards Hux and shocking the General, who aims the weapon at BB-8.

"Oh, no you don't!" Rey screams, slicing the blaster with her lightsaber.

And Hux's rage finds a new target. " _Traitor!"_ he screams at Ben, face flushing until it is roughly the same shade as his hair.

Ben points his lightsaber at the general's face.

"Did they hurt you?" Poe asks, gripping Finn's shoulder.

Finn shakes his head. " _You're_ hurt!"

"Me?" Poe grins. Blood trickles from his lip. "Nah, I'm fine."

"We're getting out of here," Ben informs Hux and Phasma. "R2?"

R2 chirps and plugs into the system. BB-8 stings Hux again, and the General kicks frantically at it.

"Touch BB-8 again and I'll shoot you!" Poe threatens.

"I presume you're just going to leave us to die, like you left me in that trash compactor," states Phasma. "Despite all I've done for you, _Finn_."

"All you've done for me?" Finn laughs wildly. "Taking me away from my family, whom I'll never know, brainwashing me, trying to turn me into a living weapon, a killer—which of those wasn't also for _you_ , Phasma?" Her words echo. "Wait, did you call me _Finn_?"

"You aren't worthy of a trooper's designation," Hux says.

"Hey!" Ben glowers. "Don't talk to him like that!"

"Yeah, of course I'm not worthy," Finn sneers. "I have a conscience. What, are you just devastated to find out your methods aren't foolproof?"

Ben laughs. "That's precisely it, isn't it, Hux?"

"My methods are _fine!"_ Hux growls. "It's just _you_ —you stupid Force users—the galaxy would be better off without—"

"Oh, shut _up_ ," Rey snaps.

"I remember you," Hux pants. "The little scavenger girl from Jakku, right? What, Ren—"

"Don't call him that!" Rey shouts.

" _Kylo Ren_ , then," Hux amends. "Did you decide that if you couldn't beat her, you might as well join her?"

"He's in love with her," Phasma scoffs.

"Shut up, Phasma!" shouts Finn.

"I don't take orders from you, despite your claims to be in charge! I don't see your Wookiee henchman here to enforce anything this time!" Phasma rages.

"Don't talk to Finn like that!" Poe yells.

"I'll talk to him however I want; I'm the one he betrayed!"

"You whiny little bastard!" Hux screams at Ben.

Rey grabs Hux by the throat, and Finn can't hear anything but Rey and Ben and Hux and Poe and Phasma and himself all screaming at each other.

" _What in the hell is going on?"_ screams General Leia.

* * *

Everyone freezes. Rey's hand is still on Hux's throat, and Hux's fist is inches from Ben's face. Phasma's hands are out as if to shove Finn, and Poe's reaching to stop her. BB-8's stingers are aimed at Hux, and R2 moans as it detaches from the plug.

Luke and Leia both gape at the scene.

Luke clears his throat. "Are you finished, R2?"

The droid chirps. Another blast rattles the room. The walls tremble and Finn's eardrums ring.

"You can't leave us here!" rages Hux.

" _Watch_ us!" Ben snarls, using the Force to keep Hux firmly planted.

"We can stop Snoke!" Phasma shouts.

Every head in the room swivels to look at the chrome-cloaked captain.

"What?" Finn squeaks.

"We're trying to bring Snoke down," Phasma states.

 _What?_ Finn glances at Luke, as if the Force can somehow magically answer how this could be, how Phasma can even be _claiming_ this.

Ben scoffs. "That's impossible. You're not with the Resistance—"

"Of course we're not with that treacherous brand of rebels," Hux says. "We're with the First Order."

"The First Order as it _should_ be," Phasma puts in. "Which does not include Snoke."

"Oh, for pity's sake, he's the one who founded it!" Ben retorts.

"He's too obsessed with the Force!" Hux insists. "Much like you."

"He is _nothing_ like Snoke!" Rey interjects.

"Got your little slut here defending you, Ren?" Hux jeers.

 _That's it._ Finn jumps for the lithe man, but Ben's closer and slams his fist into Hux's smug face. Rey knees him in the groin.

"We all need to get out of here _right now_ or we're going to die!" shouts Leia.

"Take us with you," Phasma urges.

"That's not going to work out for _me!"_ Hux wheezes, still clutching his crotch in agony.

"Would you rather die?" Phasma shoots back. "Trust me, Hux."

The general's face slackens. He glowers at the ground as Poe snaps manacles on his hands, on Phasma's.

"Would you like the honors?" Poe asks Finn, and Finn nods, grabbing Phasma's arm and steering her out the door.

"Is that your mother, Ren? The rebel who styles herself a _general_?" Hux spits at her, and Ben's fist curls again, but Rey shakes her head.

The ground rumbles beneath them, and Finn's heart picks up pace as he shoves Phasma ahead of him. He glances at Poe, who smiles for literally no reason. The world is caving in around them, and he's still smiling.

"And I sometimes feared I'd disappointed _my_ parents," Hux snipes.

"Yeah, I'm sure they're real proud of you right now." Poe shakes his head as Phasma sighs under her helmet.

Finn twists around to see Ben blanch, but Rey's murmuring, and he doesn't lash out.

"I take it you worked with these two?" Luke inquires.

"You might say that," Ben mutters.

Another sound rips through the air, like thunder coming from the floor. Finn's heart pounds.

"More like, he worked with us when it was convenient for him," Hux sniggers. "Otherwise he was off pursuing his own interests, like wiping out the Jedi. His incompetence—"

"Whose interests are _you_ pursuing if you're trying to kill Snoke?" Finn returns as they step out onto a familiar bridge. There are no railings to catch them, and Finn measures every step. He can't look back at Ben, Rey, or Hux now. He knows his face will give away the memories stewing inside.

 _Will you help me?_

 _Anything._

The strange sensation that had coursed through Finn in that moment, the desperate longing for a father who would walk out on a bridge for his son—it made Kylo Ren even seem forgivable. Until the blade pierced Han, and Finn's hopes dashed and disintegrated into dust.

"The First Order's," Hux answers as the bridge trembles beneath them.

"Bullshit," Finn says, keeping his voice steady. The droids reach the end of the bridge and cross over, then Luke.

"Careful, _traitor_."

"Don't call him that," Ben reprimands. Leia steps off the bridge.

"Wasn't it on a bridge like this where you slaughtered your own father?" Hux says. "Familiar, isn't it? A replica?"

Finn hears Leia gasp, and suddenly the bridge twists, and Finn lunges for the end, throwing Phasma ahead of him. Poe grabs him by his jacket, hauling him onto the other end.

He turns around on his knees, seeing the bridge bucking and trembling as the pilots have clearly found their target. " _Rey!"_

Ben flings his arms out, using the Force to shove Hux off the bridge and into Luke's arms. Rey jumps and Finn's hands close around her wrist, pulling her up. Ben's eyes are wide and terrified as he hesitates.

"Don't wait! _Jump!"_ Poe howls.

He jumps, but the bridge starts to collapse, and even with the Force, even with Finn and Rey and Luke pulling him, Finn's not sure they can do it.

Until Leia lunges, and, teetering on the edge, manages to catch her son.

"Leia!" Luke directs all his energy into pulling his sister back from the brink, and they all help, her dragging her son with her.

Finn can't see Phasma's face, but he hears her gasps, and he _can_ see Hux's—he sees the way the general's jaw hovers, his shining eyes, and the look of absolute astonishment, like he's seen a _miracle_ , before another blast.

"Let's go!" Finn hauls Phasma to her feet, and they flee.

* * *

"So here's your Wookiee henchman," Phasma says with disdain.

"Watch it," Ben warns as he secures Hux to the hologame table with restraints. The general scowls at him.

Leia's hand rests on Ben's shoulder, and he can scarcely look at her. _Yes, Mother, I shoved him into an abyss. I let him fall into a dark hole after I stabbed him._

But she saved his life, knowing that.

 _Why?_

 _For the same reason I love you,_ Rey answers. _Because you're Ben, and to us, you're worth saving._

We're _worth saving._

"Before you ask the droid for its files," sniffs Phasma. "There's something you should all know about Supreme Leader Snoke."

"What's that?" Ben inquires, sitting back, Mother on one side and Rey on the other.

"You should tell them," Phasma says to Hux. "Since you are the one who figured it out."

"Hold on!" Poe hollers from the cockpit. The _Millennium Falcon_ shifts into light speed, and Ben struggles not to tumble over even though he's seated against a bunk.

Hux's ears tinge pink. "It's just a theory. A theory filled with mumbo-jumbo about the Force."

"What theory?" Luke presses.

The ship jerks again, and Ben instantly realizes the Starkiller Base has been destroyed. Again.

This time, he's safe with his family, with the destroyers, instead of being rescued by a hateful Hux, bleeding and humiliated and shivering in the snow. Ben remembers wondering if he were to die then and there, would he reunite with Han? What would he say then, or do?

Living hadn't seemed important, and most of all, he couldn't fathom why she'd let him live, except he could and didn't want to acknowledge the Light that led her to restrain herself.

 _You would kill me. Knowing nothing about me._

She had had more reason than ever to kill him, and she chose not to.

Rey watches him, listening to his thoughts. _Even then, you regretted it?_

Ben nods. Even in the snow, bleeding, he'd wanted his father to appear over him, carry him back.

Instead, Hux came and dragged him off, alive and not certain he wanted to be or deserved to be.

 _I'm still not certain._

"Does the name Darth Plagueis mean anything to you?" Hux asks.

"He's the Dark Lord the Emperor was apprentice to," Ben says instantly. "Why?"

His uncle's face starts to drain of color.

"Snoke _is_ Darth Plagueis."


	17. Chapter 17

"No," Ben says. "The Emperor _killed_ Darth Plagueis. In his sleep."

Hux sighs, as if exasperated with how dense Ben seems. "No. He didn't. He may have thought he did, but he didn't."

"Why wouldn't Snoke, or—or Plagueis—just kill a treacherous apprentice then?" demands Finn. "I mean, from what we know about him—"

"You know next to nothing about him," seethes Hux. "You—" He looks at Ben. "You know how manipulative he is."

"He could have been playing the Emperor. Manipulating him from a distance as he grew stronger," Rey muses. In her mind, in Ben's, despite the desperation to laugh at Hux, dismiss him, she can't. Neither of them can.

Names and faces flash through Ben's minds—the Knights of Ren, how Snoke always reached for whomever was the most powerful among them, drawing them into his inner circle and dispatching the others if necessary, the ones who were used up, the ones he'd crushed once he got what he wanted.

 _You're the Master of the Knights of Ren now,_ Rey hears Snoke's voice, cold and ghastly in a memory.

And later, screaming, and Kylo Ren's knights writhing around him, bleeding, burning. _I have no need of them anymore. You are enough._

 _I will not fail you._

 _We will see._

"He uses people like you to do his dirty work," Hux says. "And uses his own power to stay alive."

"Many creatures can live hundreds of years, even millennia," Mother puts in.

"Snoke isn't one of them," Phasma sighs.

"But that plan doesn't make sense," Finn insists. "I don't—it doesn't make sense that Snoke was relying on Kylo Ren alone."

"He wasn't," Ben mutters, looking at Rey.

 _If what you say about this girl is true, bring her to me._

 _He might have killed you and taken me,_ Rey realizes. _After you'd trained me…_

 _When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you._

Rey squeezes Ben's hands as she watches his face flush with humiliation and shame.

"So basically," Finn drawls, sounding way calmer than he must actually be. "Snoke's going to come for one of us. Ben, Rey, me, Leia, Luke."

"I'm pretty sure he's given up on turning Leia and myself to the Dark Side," Luke says.

"Does Snoke even know about you?" Rey quizzes Finn.

"Yes," Phasma says. "He does. Now."

"So what can we do?" Rey asks. "Avoid him? Go into hiding?"

"We can't sacrifice more people!" Finn objects. "I mean, think about it, Rey—there's got to be more Force sensitive people out there, in the galaxy! Snoke will find them. I'm not willing to let that monster get his hands on another child." He drops his voice to a plea. "We have to take care of this. Take care of him. _Now_. It's not vengeance; it's protection. Self-defense, and defending others. Rey, you grew up alone because you're a Kenobi—what if another parent has to abandon their child? Ben, what Snoke did to you—manipulating you—if you and Rey ever have kids, don't you think he'll come for them?"

Ben shakes his head. _We can't let that happen_.

Although having children is the further thing from Rey's mind at the moment, she knows Finn's right. "We can't live the rest of our days looking over our shoulder, chased by shadows," she says.

"No child should go through that," Ben agrees softly.

"At the temple, did you learn anything that could help us?" Leia asks her brother.

"I'll think, try to remember…" Luke's voice falters, and a slow smile spreads over his face. "Or, I think there's someone at the Resistance base who might have an idea."

* * *

"Maz!" Leia surges towards the small orange creature awaiting them with a smile. Ben hangs back, gripping Rey's arm.

"Ben Solo!" Maz booms, pushing past his mother and uncle and beelining for him. "Let me look at you."

Rey pushes him down. Ben kneels so that the creature can peer into his eyes, goggles clutched in her tiny hands.

"I haven't seen you since you were a small child," Maz muses. "Clinging to his mother and watching the stars with his father."

Her words burn like a lightsaber inside him.

"Oh, child," Maz says. "You may be an adult, but compared to me, thirty years is nothing. He forgave you, don't you know? The moment he saw you on that bridge. He adored you."

"No," Ben says, fighting to ignore the people crowded around, the pilots whooping and hollering over their victory and the grumbling about the prisoners. "He didn't."

"You don't believe that. You've always known. It's what you were afraid of—that he loved you, saw you without any blemishes even as you took more and more lives."

Ben flinches. He wants to pull away, but he can't.

"Han was a part of the Force. It flows through every living thing, child, and just because he wasn't Force sensitive doesn't mean he wasn't a part of it—that he _isn't_ a part of it." Maz's fingers brush Ben's cheek, mimicking Han's last gesture. "He died because of you, but he also died _for_ you. Accept his forgiveness. Let it go."

A tear rolls down his cheek. He swipes it away.

"And Rey!" Maz cries. "A Jedi in training, in an academy far more free than ever before. Which is a good thing," she adds, with a meaningful look at Ben that turns Rey scarlet. "And you, Finn—so much for you not being a hero!"

"I'm not," Finn insists. Poe rolls his eyes.

"Oh, pishaw."

"Maz," Luke interrupts. "We need your help."

"I've brought you help," Maz says, beckoning to someone who steps out from the bunker, holding back from the crowds. The man gives Mother a sheepish wave.

 _Lando Calrissian._ His father's good friend, the one who betrayed his father and who Ben distinctly remembers, when Ben was nine, yelling at his parents: " _There's something not right with that kid!"_

" _Get out of this house!" Han bellowed back, and Ben's grateful to his parents, but at the same time he wants to scream that Lando's right, that something's not right, that he's scared and doesn't know what else to do. But Ben bites down on his lip, drawing blood, and watches as Chewie forces Lando out of their house._

 _That night, he calls out for his dream friend for the first time in a year._

"He, too, is finally tired of running," Maz proclaims.

* * *

Finn watches as Lando shakes Leia's hand, embraces Luke, and hesitates before calling out, "Ben."

Ben shuffles forward, extending his hand only for Lando to grip him on the shoulder and look into his eyes. "Is it true?"

Ben doesn't speak, but his eyes give the answer.

Lando sighs.

"You were right," Ben mutters. "About me."

"As your mother was right about me, in Cloud City," Lando says. He tries to smile and can't, but he gives Ben a tiny nod of acceptance.

Phasma's armor clinks as she and Hux are led away towards the cells by a growling Chewie.

"Finn!" Phasma calls. Chewie shoves her, denting her armor.

"What do you want with him?" Poe demands.

"Nothing that concerns you," Phasma retorts. Finn approaches cautiously. "Hux and I were going through the archives on Snoke's orders."

"Okay…"

"To look for families with Force-sensitive heritage."

Fire lights through Finn. "My family?"

"Snoke said something about someone named Mace Windu." Phasma's face is impossible to see beneath her helmet, but the kindly tone she takes with him reminds Finn of the times when he was in her division, the times when he showed too much empathy and she scolded him but gave him another chance.

"Let's go," grunts Major Ematt, and Chewie pushes the captain again.

 _Mace Windu._ Finn's never heard the name before, of that he's certain, and yet—at the same time, the name comes with a soft sensation, like violet freedom and home.

Is this the Force telling me something?

"Wow," Poe says to his left. BB-8 beeps in awe.

Finn turns to him. "Will you help me? Go through R2's files?"

Poe nods. "Yeah, yeah—of course."

* * *

"Shit," Poe says, and Finn knows.

"They're all dead, aren't they."

Poe nods. R2 whimpers. "I'm sorry, Finn."

"It's what I expected." Still, Finn reaches over, holding the small screen in his hands, reading for himself what he's known but has hoped, prayed, dreamed isn't true. For a moment today, he let himself believe he might find his own family, find a woman who would look at him the way Leia looks at Ben, her lost son coming home.

It will never be, and it burns.

"Hey," Poe says gently, reaching over and putting his hand on top of Finn's. "I'm sorry, buddy."

Finn wipes at his eyes with his other hand. "It's what I expected," he repeats.

"My mom told me she was going die weeks before she did," Poe admits. "I still hoped she was wrong. Every day… she got so thin, she couldn't leave the bed, and Dad was crying all the time and still I thought she might not die." Poe's voice catches, and BB-8 lowers its head in empathy with both of them.

"It's like," Finn tries. "It's like I thought I might—there might be someone looking for me. Who misses me." Finn shakes his head. "I _know_ I matter to Luke and Rey and you, hell, even to Ben. But to my _family_."

"I think you still do. Even if they're gone," Poe says. "It's like Rey… you're descended from a pretty badass Jedi, it seems." He studies the screen again. "Who got killed by the Emperor and Ben's grandpapa, apparently."

Finn snorts in spite of himself. "Figures."

Poe smirks. "Don't ever say that you don't mean something to anyone again, okay?"

Finn nods, something tugging at his brain, at his stomach, something whispering to remember Rey and how she chose Ben, except that whisper has no impact, because Poe's looking at Finn like Rey never has.

"Poe?" Finn asks, uncertain.

"I'm sorry," Poe stammers, but his face still hovers inches from Finn's own. "But I just—Finn, I—Finn, I really want to kiss you right now."

Finn's never kissed anyone before in his life. He only imagined kissing Rey, just briefly, before that wish blew away. But Poe is here, brows creased anxiously as he waits for Finn's response, eyes weighted with care for Finn and—it's Poe, the man who gave him his name, who was there when he woke up after teh first Starkiller base mission, who comforted him after Rey chose Ben.

 _All this time, he loved_ me, Finn thinks. _He watched me mope over Rey and never said anything because he wanted me to be happy._ He blows out his breath. "Okay. But—I don't know if I know how."

Poe doesn't laugh, and Finn's relieved. "I'll show you." His hand cups the back of Finn's head, and his lips are soft and warm against Finn's, and with him Finn feels safe, he feels home.

* * *

"Sorry," Finn pants as he and Poe skid into their meeting late. Poe flushes as Rey's eyes slide between him and Finn, Poe and Finn, Finn and Poe.

 _Really?_ Ben asks.

 _Are you blind?_ Rey hisses, and Ben smirks at her.

"All right," Maz says. "We can begin."

"Why aren't the rest of the Admirals here?" asks Poe.

"Because we don't need them right now," Maz replies. "Luke, Leia, why haven't you told Ben and Rey about the prophecy?"

 _The what?_

"Anakin's prophecy," Luke says quickly. "That he was the chosen one to bring balance to the Force. Which he did, when he saved me."

 _Sentiment,_ Rey hears Snoke's voice echoing in Ben's mind.

 _No, love,_ he quiets the voice on his own, and Rey smiles.

"Maz has a theory," begins Leia. "That each generation will have somebody to balance the Force."

"Rey," Ben says, turning to her.

Cold cakes in around her. "That's—ludicrous. I'm—I'm not—"

"Anakin wasn't alone," Luke says. "I helped him."

"Ben," Rey realizes, turning to him. Now he's the one shaking his head.

"I think it's painfully obvious I don't _balance_ in anything," Ben stammers. "I—when I was working for Snoke, I was fully on the Dark Side—"

" _That's_ not true," Maz cuts in.

"Well, maybe not," Ben amends. "But I thought I _should_ be. Most of the time."

"So, you're saying that you think we two—us together—we're supposed to bring balance to the Force?" Rey queries. _"How?"_

"That, I don't know," Maz confesses.

"I think you have the wrong person," Rey insists.

"You're sounding painfully like you did on Takodana, and I turned out to be right then, didn't I?" Maz reminds her.

 _But I'm supposed to be no one_.

 _You're the granddaughter of Obi-Wan Kenobi_ , Ben reminds her. _That's who you're supposed to be, not just a scavenger._

 _And if I was just a scavenger?_

 _You'd still be Rey, and I'd still love you. But that's not who you are._

"But I— _we_ —have no idea how," Rey protests. "Luke?" She looks towards her master.

"I have an idea," Maz says. "Of where we can go for advice."

"Where?" Ben asks.

"Dagobah."


	18. Chapter 18

"You are _not_ going anywhere without me, Luke," Mother proclaims.

"Is it really such a good idea to have so many Force users in one place?" Luke pleads. "Ben and Rey have to go, I have to go, and Maz—we'll take Chewie and R2—"

"Poe and Finn aren't going to be content to stay here either," Rey points out.

"Thank you, Rey," Finn says.

"You." Maz points at Finn. "It _is_ important that you come."

"Why?" Luke wants to know.

"You'll see." Maz sighs.

"We already have enough pilots then," Luke declares. "Poe, you can—"

"Hell no!" Poe grabs Finn's hand.

"It's not going to be very exciting," Luke insists.

"I'm coming, as well," Lando declares. "Chewie agrees."

The Wookiee roars.

"Why?" Luke pleads.

"Just because you took off there alone before doesn't mean you have to do it again," Mother snaps.

"Don't you owe it to the Resistance to stay here?" Luke tries again.

"You already tried that before the Starkiller," Mother reminds him. "Ackbar can handle it. And they are more than capable of handling our two First Order guests."

"Well, it's settled. The more the merrier." Maz toddles off. "We should leave at dusk!"

* * *

"We have to make a quick stop on our way," Maz says as Lando and Chewie pilot the _Millennium Falcon_ , lifting the ship off the ground and soaring it into the air.

"Where?" Luke asks.

'Takodana."

Last time he was there, his father was too, but Ben didn't see him and the Light inside him was secretly glad of it.

Last time he was there, he met Rey. Ben cringes as he remembers the fear in her eyes, and the anger contorting her face. _The girl I've heard so much about_. She wanted to kill him.

 _That's what happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask._

Now, she's almost died for him. She loves him.

 _To be fair,_ Rey interjects. _You were terrifying._

Ben smirks, then chastises himself. He should feel bad. He does.

But something else swims beneath Rey's thoughts. _We need to talk_. She grabs his hand and pulls him into a hallway.

"What is it?"

"Do you actually believe this?" she whispers. "This prophecy myth?"

"Rey, you can read my mind. I want to, and I don't want to—I do, and I'm afraid of it—it's all there." All in his messed up mind. His mind that will never truly be whole, because he can't resurrect his father, because even though Rey loves him now, he hurt her then.

" _Stop,"_ Rey hisses. Her mind fills with images of her running through the forests of D'Qar, her fears that Ben would reject her after the First Order attack.

"I'm sorry." Silence overtakes them. _I never would._

"How is it possible?" Rey finally asks. "We've both… we've both gone to the Dark Side. I know only briefly, for me, but…" She gulps, and Ben sees Bazine shrieking in Rey's mind. "How are we supposed to balance the Force if we're still battling ourselves?"

 _If Anakin did it_ … "You know what Darth Vader did. What he was. If he could do it…"

 _Help me, Grandfather._

 _Show me, Grandfather, and I will finish what you started. We will finish what you started._

"Did he ever listen to you? Respond?" Rey questions.

"No, but I felt… darker just by meditating on it. In front of his helmet," Ben says, recalling all those desperate moments, where Snoke sneered at him, implied Ben was useless after all, those moments that sent a terrified Kylo Ren to his knees.

"Well, if his Force ghost is even still around, we could use him about now," Rey says.

"He died doing it, you know," Ben says. "He died saving Luke."

"I know." Rey swallows, her hazel eyes trekking over every inch of his face.

"We might not make it," he tries again.

"I know." She runs her fingers through his hair and kisses him, desperate to soak up every last second. "And I'm scared," she admits as she pulls away.

"Me too." He kisses her again. _We'll have to rely on each other._

 _I love you._

 _I know._

Her love spins thread into him, threads from the Light, and somehow, Ben can tell he does the same for her, and it's a contradiction because there's so much Darkness left in him, and embers still smoldering in her, too.

 _Don't do it. You'll destroy her, forever._

 _Fear is the path to the Dark Side._

Ben's mind whirls, gathering snippets from Rey's mind and from his own. "What if we got married?"

"What?" She blinks.

"On Takodana. We can ask Luke… we're not guaranteed tomorrow, Rey. Especially not after whatever we uncover on Dagobah. I don't—I mean, I want—"

She's smiling and giggling. "Yes, I'll marry you." She covers his mouth with hers.

"There are other people on this ship, you two," calls Poe as he passes.

"We're going to get married!" Rey exclaims, her arms still wrapped around Ben's neck and her eyes still searching his as if she can't believe it.

 _He_ can't believe it. She wants to marry _him_.

"Wait, what?" Poe yelps.

* * *

"We can afford to wait a few hours," Maz says, and her word is authority. When they land on Takodana, she apologizes to Ben and Rey that she can't make their wedding and heads off to peruse what's left of her palace.

Rey feels the compunction Ben feels when he looks at the blasted ruins.

"I hear the cantina's still operating, though," Lando says, glancing at Ben as if he knows. Which he probably does.

This is the same planet where Rey discovered the Force calling to her. _Rey… these are your first steps._

Each step she's taking now may be one of her last, but that's okay. She remembers being so afraid, so alone and fearful that she'd miss her family if they came back, that they would think she abandoned them, last time she was here. But when she left, she found her family, she found courage, she found everything she didn't know she was looking for.

"Your father would approve of me," she tells Ben. "I know it."

"I saw that in your head," Ben teases, and she's glad he's joking about it.

Rey doesn't have any fancy clothes to wear, and neither does Ben. But they've got Ben's mother and uncle, Finn and Poe, Lando and Chewie, and BB-8, R2, and even a blubbering C-3PO. Or the droid _would_ be blubbering, if droids could cry.

"Oh, I never thought I'd see the day," ekes out 3PO.

Chewie moans and pushes Ben gently. Ben looks up at him sheepishly, almost as in the same fashion Rey imagines Ben would look up at Chewie during his childhood, happy and excited about life and its possibilities.

BB-8 hums a song Rey doesn't recognize, rolling back and forth to the robotic melody.

"Here, Rey," says Leia, reaching and plucking a blue flower from a bush in the forest. She reaches out and tucks the flower behind Rey's ear, like she's Rey's own mother. Which, Rey supposes, in a few minutes she might as well be.

They stand under a tree, facing each other, and Luke asks them to clasp hands. Their friends form a semi-circle around them, and the sun's shining and everything around them is so, so majestically green and alive, and Rey's beaming, and she sees the way Ben looks at her, sees his love in his eyes and in his tender smile. She doesn't know how many more days she'll be able to see it, but for today, it's enough.

Ben kisses her, and Luke declares them married.

"Well, come on, won't you?" Lando says as Ben wraps an arm around Rey, pulling her close. "We've got time for a drink."

* * *

Poe gyrates back and forth to the music. He winks at Finn and nods to the side, where Ben pulls Rey out of the room, no doubt looking for a place more private. "I really hope none of us have to track them down and tell them when it's time to go."

"I never want a repeat of Yavin 4," Finn agrees, chugging more ale.

"Neither, I'm betting, does Leia or Luke," Poe chuckles.

"We could join them," Finn suggests.

"What?"

"Not like that." Finn drops his voice. "We could… find our own room."

Butterflies explode in Poe's stomach. "You sure?"

"If you want to." Finn bites his lip.

"No, no—I do." Poe takes Finn's hand and leads him down a hallway, talks to a few patrons.

"Last time we were here, I remember seeing you flying overhead," Finn tells Poe. "I didn't know it was you, but I was impressed." He grins as they enter a room flooded with light.

Poe winks as his face floods with color. "And Ben kidnapped Rey here. Fitting for their wedding."

"Eh, if you want to be poetic, he _met_ her here," Finn corrects.

"Does that mean if we were ever to get married, it would have to be on the _Finalizer_?" Poe questions. "Because, to be honest, Finn—"

Finn kisses him, hands reaching under Poe's shirt and lifting it off.

* * *

Leia watches Finn and Poe go, shaking her head and smiling.

"Reminds me of your wedding," Lando comments, leaning across the table.

"It was a little like this, wasn't it." At least, a cantina had played a role in her wedding.

She smiles to herself, reminiscing about the complete joy on Han's face when he said his vows, when he kissed her, and knows she saw the exact same look on Ben's face.

She can only hope that more happiness lies in store for Ben and Rey than it had for her and Han.

 _No matter how much we fought, I always hated watching you leave._

 _That's why I did it. So you'd miss me._

 _I did miss you._

She still does.

 _It wasn't all bad, was it? Some of it was… good._

 _Pretty good._

It was more than pretty good, Leia realizes. She wishes she'd grabbed every bit of happiness while she had it, but some moments she didn't realized were good until they were gone, and if she'd realized it at the moment it happened, she's not sure it would have been as good as it was.

If only she hadn't sent Ben away...

"Don't do that to yourself, Leia," Luke warns. "Trust me. I spent fifteen years beating myself up, isolating myself because I believed that's all I deserved."

"Running away is not in my nature," Leia retorts. Chewie sniggers as both men lower their heads. "Don't you laugh, Chewie. You left with him, life debt or not."

Chewie shrugs.

 _I love you._

 _I know._

She'd watched Han sink into carbonite, watched him stagger out of the deep freeze and kissed him. She assured him of her love on Endor, shot from behind him, married him and given birth to Ben with help from a healer because Ben was breach and the healer said there was a good chance neither of them would survive, but she heard her baby screaming and knew that she _had_ to live and _did_. She watched as her husband cried the only tears Leia would ever see when he held Ben, slick with blood after birth, watched as Han traced his son's face and later pranced all over Cloud City showing Ben off to everyone who came within earshot.

And she'd watched as Han left after years of fighting and her becoming more consumed with her political duties, her Resistance, and Han went back to smuggling and she hated it, but the reality is that when they screamed at each other, they screamed because they were terrified for their son, the son they sent away, the son they missed with each throbbing beat of their hearts. And when they heard what Ben had done, when the news shattered everything Leia held dear, every confidence in herself, Han walked out the door and she couldn't blame him.

Seeing him on Takodana with Finn was like a jolt of new life, new hope for herself, for Ben.

 _We lost our son… forever._

She knew Han well enough to know it was his worst fears speaking, not his heart. It was the numbing solution he used to dull the searing agony that Leia bore each and every hour.

 _If you see our son, bring him home._

 _You did it, Han,_ Leia thinks, holding out her drink as if in a toast.

Lando looks at her with his eyebrows raised.

"To Han," Leia says, and drinks.

"To Han," they echo, even 3PO, who doesn't even have a drink.

"Maz!" Luke gasps, standing as the orange creature emerges from a hallway. "Are you ready?"

"We can give the kids a little more time," Maz says.

"What were you getting anyways?" Lando inquires.

Maz holds out a small, silver box and opens the latch. _A kyber crystal._ "There's one Jedi in training who might need a lightsaber."


	19. Chapter 19

"It's a good crystal," Ben says, studying it in its silver case. He holds the case out to Finn. "Not cracked, like mine."

"Your crystal is cracked?" Luke gapes at him.

"Why do you think it splinters and sparks so much?"

"Ben, that's unstable!"

"You never built one, so you don't get to talk," Ben retorts, and Luke scowls. "Touch it," he encourages Finn.

"What happens if I do?" Finn questions. R2 and BB-8 play at the hologame table and bleep at each other, arguing.

"Just do it," Poe says. " _I'm_ curious."

"If I blow you all up," Finn warns. "Your _wife_ won't be very happy, _Solo_." Rey's in the cockpit, flying the ship with Lando.

Ben huffs. "You won't."

Finn grabs the crystal, and it starts to glow a distinct lavender that brightens into a vivid purple.

"You _are_ a descendent of Mace Windu," Maz declares. "He, too, wielded a saber of that color."

 _Jedi are terrible at keeping to their own codes,_ Finn thinks to himself. "Is it that unusual?"

"Yes," both Ben and Luke say.

"See, Finn? You're special." Poe winks at him.

Ben chortles, and Finn gives him a look. "What?"

"It's obvious to everyone that Rey and Ben aren't the only romance on board," C-3PO puts in.

Finn grins.

* * *

"I hate this place," grouses Hux, glaring at the cold plate of green meat and bread.

"Really? Tell me again," Phasma drawls.

"Snoke's going to _know_ , Phasma," Hux insists.

"What, that we're captured? That's obvious." She tears off a piece of bread. "As for the rest of it, I doubt it very much."

"But what if he does?"

"Are you worried that will affect the troops' loyalty?" Phasma peers at him, her helmet taken away some Resistance pilot. Hux always loathed that he couldn't see either of his compatriots' faces, but now that Phasma is constantly unmasked and he has to see her facial muscles twitch and the glare of her eyes every single damn second.

At least he could pretend he had her respect before. Now Hux knows: she respects his rank, not him.

"My troops will obey me," Phasma says. "If I assert loyalty—"

"Why would you even do that?" Hux spits. "I know you hate me."

"I don't _hate_ you, _General_. I think you overlook things."

Hux bites into the meat. The spicy flavor makes him gasp and sputter. "What things?" he croaks.

"If you want loyalty, inspire it in your troops. Memorize their numbers. Learn their traits. Go into combat with them."

"I've already had my fill of battle," Hux retorts.

"You've never been in a battle in your life."

He has, though. One on one. With the other cadet punching, scratching at Hux's eyes, knocking Hux down against the cold dirt and pressing his thumbs against Hux's windpipe— _it wasn't supposed to be this way, it was supposed to be you strangled, it was supposed to be me watching life fade from your eyes, not you glaring at me while I drool and my eyes stream_ — _I was supposed to make Father proud—Mother, how?—_ until Hux overpowered him, wrapping the rope around his neck and snapping it. And the cadet's horrid limp weight—Hux shudders as he remembers it. He stuffs more meat into his mouth, hoping it burns away any ghosts from his eyes.

But that's not the sort of battle Hux supposes Phasma would respect.

" _Then_ you'll be able to command them," Phasma continues.

Hux can't stand the thought of listening to any sort of lecture right now. "What do you think Snoke's doing right now?"

Phasma backs down, but it still feels sneaky to Hux. "I assure you he's not rescuing us. He's going to ensure he gets Kylo Ren and that scavenger."

Hux's mind sifts through all the files he's read about the Emperor.

 _In time, he will seek_ you _out._

 _His compassion for you will be his undoing._

No one feels compassion for Snoke, this Hux knows. But what will Snoke require to convince either Kylo Ren or Rey?

 _Or really, who?_

* * *

"Can't believe you've gotten me sucked into another one of these galactic wars," Lando says to Luke with a sly smirk.

"Your choice." Luke shrugs.

"Hey." Lando reaches out and catches Luke's arm. Chewie snorts. "Maz said you needed me, but I don't know why."

Luke doesn't know why, either, and says so.

Chewie snarls. _Remember_.

"Remember what?" Lando demands.

 _The Rebellion,_ Chewie responds.

A voice, like Yoda's and Obi-Wan's together, floats through Luke's mind. _Remember what you did for the Rebellion, Luke… remember what you fought for. Remember_ who _you fought for._

 _Remember them, and leave your failures._

Luke shakes his head. "Thank you," he says to Lando.

When they land on Dagobah, Luke smiles at R2. "Careful of the swamp," he warns the others.

"What are we looking for, Maz?" Lando asks as he helps Leia out. Leia rolls her eyes.

"Luke knows," Maz answers simply.

The sticky air glues Luke's beard to his face with sweat. "If Yoda wanted to see me, he would have come for me. He never spoke to me in all those years I exiled myself. Nor did Obi-Wan, or my father."

"They were waiting for you, Luke."

Luke's boots sink in mud. He turns back. "Ben, you help Finn build that lightsaber." He knows his nephew might want to come, but Luke wants no one around when he confronts them. He's not sure who will be angrier or more disappointed in each other—them with him, or him with them.

 _Although, really,_ he thinks. _They have no right to criticize._

" _This_ is where you trained?" Leia asks, her nose wrinkling.

"Ahch-To was much better," Rey agrees.

"R2?" Luke will take the droid with him.

"We'll just wait here!" Poe calls.

Luke spins around again. "That's a good idea. No one should go anywhere. There are no people, but there are plenty of… creatures here. And other… things."

Rey's brow creases. "Like what?"

"Can't you feel it?" Ben asks. "This planet is strong with the Force."

And not just the Light Side. The heat prickles against his skin as he plod on, ducking beneath drooping trees and vines. R2 sticks close behind him. There's also a current of darkness whispering from the shadows and fog drifting over the planet.

"Luke." That voice, that familiar voice, cracks through the air.

"Obi-Wan!" Luke searches. "I can't see you!"

"I'm still here." And then Luke sees his old master, appearing through the swooping branches of a tree.

"Young Skywalker," says another voice, the voice Luke always associates with Dagobah.

"I'm sorry I failed you," Luke says. "I failed you both. I didn't listen…" _The Dark Side, forever will it dominate…_ "I was arrogant. Because you were wrong about my father, I thought—I thought—"

"You could bend the Dark Side to your will," his own father finishes. "We have seen." Anakin Skywalker looks at him with nothing but pity. "Why didn't you ask us for help?"

Luke shakes his head. "I wanted to fix what I'd started."

"But, fix it you could not," Yoda observes.

"Your granddaughter," Luke says to Obi-Wan as the shrill cry of some sort of bog creature echoes through the swamp. "She's with us now."

Obi-Wan smiles. "I know."

"Strong in the Force, she is," Yoda agrees. "And strong also is your nephew."

Luke can't resist smiling even as R2 bleeps nervously. "Yes. They got married. I married them." He doesn't care about the frown that appears on Yoda's face.

"What do you know, Obi-Wan!" cries Father, grabbing his old mentor's shoulder. Obi-Wan can't keep a smile from his own face.

"The Jedi code this does not follow," Yoda observes.

"They're more powerful together than they are apart," Luke says. "He came back from the Dark Side. Like you, Father. He and Rey…" He delves into the Force bond, what Maz suggested about the prophecy, about Snoke being Darth Plagueis. "Is it true?"

"Of this Darth Plagueis I have heard, but never faced him," Yoda says, and Luke's heart sags within him.

"I can't—I know what it took, what it cost you—" He looks at his father. "To bring balance to the Force. I cannot ask Ben or Rey to do that, because they would. They deserve happiness in their lives."

"You know what Ben chose to do was not your fault," Obi-Wan says.

"Not entirely," Luke admits. "But still…" He doesn't think he can bear watching his sister lose her son, watching his nephew lose his wife, or losing both of them himself. Fear closes in around him, shoving its thick hands down his throat and grasping his lungs.

"The Emperor spoke to me of Darth Plagueis once," Father says. "When I asked him about saving Padmé. He said that he could use the Force to create life… that he could keep the ones he cared about from dying." Father scowls. "I doubt very much he cares about anything but himself and his own power."

"Snoke certainly doesn't," Luke agrees. "I don't understand, though: why would he bide his time, wait and let the Emperor—the apprentice who betrayed him—rule and die? Why not destroy his apprentice right away, if he's that powerful in the Dark Side?"

"Because he needs to use other Force users, and he concentrated on staying alive," Obi-wan answers. "And he knew the hearts of humanoids: sooner or later, someone was bound to step across his path that he could manipulate. The Knights of Ren started forming in the twilight of the Empire."

"Snoke plays us like a Dejarik board," Luke realizes. A creature hoots, and Luke shivers, even though sweat drips down his spine, running down his ribcage.

"Indeed." Anakin studies his son. "It's entirely possible he sent me those dreams of Padmé dying. He sees moves and anticipates events long before they come to pass."

Luke absorbs the information. "If you all—all three of you—knew Snoke was Darth Plagueis before, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you appear on Ahch-To and tell me to get my ass back to Leia and—"

"We don't work like that," Obi-Wan informs him. "If we did, don't you think I'd have found my granddaughter? Protected my own child, whom I never even saw before she died?"

"How the blast _do_ you work?" Luke demands, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Tell you we cannot," Yoda says, giggling. "But understand you must: figuring things out for yourself, though painful, a purpose it serves."

"Can you help us at all?" Luke pleads, desperation stinging in his stomach. "Appear to Ben, to Rey—it would mean so—"

"Luke," says Obi-Wan. "You are the son of the Chosen One."

"Yes, but Maz says the prophecy concerns Ben and Rey. I can't let them die." Luke looks to his father. "Compassion, sentiment, love—call it whatever you want—it saved me, because you saved me. I cannot let them die."

"Adopt their responsibilities you cannot," Yoda observes.

"But," says Father. "You're starting to sound more like the Luke Skywalker I remember."

"I don't care who I am anymore. I just want—" Luke throws his hands in the air. "Why were we supposed to come here? Maz said it would help us. You're not helping." He sounds like a petulant moisture farmer again, and he doesn't care.

"You can't see?" Father asks softly. "We can't change you. All we can do is encourage you."

"That's not—"

"Darkness is here," Obi-Wan interrupts.

"Yes, I know, the Cave of Evil—"

"No!" Father glares at him. " _Listen_."

The swamp sizzles as Luke strains to hear.

A bomb goes off.

* * *

"Isn't it cool? Look at it, Poe!" Finn slashes his blazing purple lightsaber around until Rey winks at Ben and draws her blue one.

The heat simmering against the marshy ground of the planet snaps and explodes, throwing Ben into a tree. He sees stars, white stars, and gray, and hears nothing. And then a tinny sound scratches through his ears, and he realizes that Rey's screaming.

The brightness clears and the gray and green scenery of Dagobah fills Ben's vision. Rey kneels over something—some _one_ —sobbing.

Ben staggers to his feet, stumbling towards her. From the corner of his eye, he sees Finn rushing over.

 _Maz._

The orange woman lies with her head against a tree root, her goggles cracked and her torso twisted in an unnatural position, blood soaking through her shirt.

"We need bacta!" Finn hollers.

Maz grabs Finn's hands and tries to speak. All that comes out is a gurgle, and then, words: " _Don't let these beasts win."_ She gags again, coughing on her own blood, and then her ever-searching eyes still.

"No," whispers Mother.

"Not to be the bearer of more bad news," begins C-3PO delicately. "But there are surely—"

A green cannon shot jams through the air, nearly grazing Rey's head. Ben cries out.

"We have to get out of here!" Poe bellows.

"Luke!" Lando yells.

BB-8 beelines for the Millennium Falcon.

"No, that's where they're expecting us to go!" Ben shouts.

The droid continues until it suddenly shrieks and races back towards them. Behind it, from the dense forest of trees braided together with shadows, comes mud-strewn stormtroopers.

"Shit!" Poe yelps. "BB-8, _hurry!"_

"We can't leave her!" Rey cries.

"Rey, we _have_ to!" Finn shouts.

Ben ignites his lightsaber. Beside him, blue and purple flash and burn.

And green. Luke bursts through the trees, lightsaber blazing.

Mother pulls out a blaster and expertly picks off two stormtroopers as Ben, Rey, Finn, and Luke rush at them. Lando, too, grabs a blaster as C-3PO, R2, and BB-8 take refuge behind a massive tree. Chewie fires his bowcaster, guarding Poe in an almost protective stance.

"Traitors! You're all traitors and scum!" shout the stormtroopers.

 _They don't know what they're saying,_ Ben thinks with a pang.

Luke grabs Rey by the shoulder and shouts something, and then grabs Finn.

 _He said to get to the Cave of Evil!_ Rey relays.

 _What? Why?_ Ben's heard stories of this cave that contains the Dark Side, and it's already all he can do to push down the frantic arms of the Dark Side that fly out, seizing him and threatening to pull him down, down to a place where he's Kylo Ren again.

And with that break in concentration, Ben backs up against a gnarly tree root, and tumbles backwards. He lands on his elbow. He gasps. His lightsaber—it's gone. But he can still hear it hissing. His hand frantically whips out, trying to grab it as a stormtrooper appears over him and reaches down.

"Take this, traitor scum!" There's a flash of splintering red, and the stormtrooper's grabbed his lightsaber, and Ben flings his hands up to call for the weapon but he's too slow, and light itself slices through his wrist.

A green blade appears through the stormtrooper's chest. "Ben!" Luke leans down, hauling Ben to his feet, but Ben's still screaming as pain bites and tears at his wrist, and his hand—

And Ben looks down to see that he has no hand left.

* * *

"Get to the cave!" Luke screams again, and Rey sees him half-dragging Ben there. Rey sees an arm that ends at the wrist in Ben's mind, and almost vomits.

"Let's go!" Lando dashes ahead with the droids. Finn hesitates, then drops to his knees to grab Maz's body. Rey runs straight ahead, towards a cave that draws her, tugs at her very essence. She runs, even though part of her revolts in terror.

Inside the cave, she sees the droids gathered, Lando and Luke clutching Ben, and she falls to her knees beside him. Chewie roars as he ducks inside.

"We can hide in here—they won't come—" Luke starts.

And Ben starts to scream, and Luke, and Finn behind her and she's screaming too, and Poe and Lando clap their hands over their ears, feeling the terror and the dread and the intoxicating whiff of power, but they at least know where they are.

Rey screams as she plunges her own lightsaber into Ben's heart, sees him reach for her like he loves her, like Han reached for him, only he falls before he can touch her, and Snoke's laughing and saying, _"Well done, Rey,"_ behind her.

* * *

"Rey, come back!" Ben calls.

"It's better this way," she whispers, kissing him, but instead of the sweetness he usually tastes on her tongue, it's hot and bitter. "Together, you and I can rule the galaxy." She twists her head, peering behind her. "There's just one person who stands in our way."

And the power grabs him in his chest, draws him forward onto an all-too-familiar bridge, but this time it's not Han calling to him, but Leia. _Mother_.

 _Leia Organa. The Resistance scum who styles herself a General,_ Snoke encourages. _Go on_.

He slashes his lightsaber down with the same vile ease he killed Lor San Tekka with, and then he's falling too, and Han and Leia's voices echo around him, along with hundreds of other voices, the voices he never heard but he knows are the voices of those he's killed:

 _Traitor._

 _Murderer._

 _My son is dead to me._

* * *

"He's turned back to the Dark Side!" Rey sobs, on a muddy field, clothes and hair soaked in rain. "It was all just a trap!" And then she lifts her hands from her chest, and Luke sees the fatal, gaping wound, and she too falls over, face first into the gluttonous mud.

Through the downpour, Luke sees Obi-Wan screaming in fury at him, sees Father glowering at him and shaking his head in disappointment. And then Father reaches for something—his Darth Vader mask—and slips it on, vanishing into the Dark Side once more.

R2 collapses into a pile of molten metal as his nephew slashes it.

And Luke does the only thing he can: he stabs his nephew, watches him die, and then Luke flees, again.

* * *

"They're all gone, Finn Windu," sneers Snoke.

Finn clutches his purple lightsaber, gazing all around him at the bodies of Rey, Luke, Leia, Chewie, Maz, Ben, and _Poe_.

Snoke laughs and stands, a black darksaber in his hands and slashes at Poe's body, and Finn's screaming, but he can't do anything to stop it—he can't move—if he really wanted to, surely he could move, but he doesn't want to because he's afraid but he _does_ want to, he really does—

"Coward," Snoke says. "You fancy yourself a Jedi, but you are the furthest thing from a hero."

And Finn's lightsaber glows in his hand, and he tries to drop it, but he can't. It sticks to him, searing to his skin, until it explodes and all he sees is violent violet—

A furry hand grabs him, dragging him away from the murderous purple, tossing him to the muddy earth. Finn gulps in the fetid air as Chewie dives back into the cave, pulling out Luke and Ben, and lastly Rey. Poe and Lando lean against a moss-covered boulder, and C-3PO keeps muttering, "Oh, dear. Oh, dear."

But when Chewie returns with Maz's body, Finn realizes his vision might be less of a nightmare than the group they're currently in.

"Where's Leia?"


	20. Chapter 20

She's been in this position before, when Darth Vader raided her ship.

But even then, Leia wasn't this frightened.

The moment she saw her son trip, fall and so many stormtroopers swoop in for the kill, she threw herself in front of three of them, dropping her blaster. "Take me!"

Ben screamed from behind her, but Leia wouldn't look because she would not risk these stormtroopers heading for her son. Her baby. "I'm surrendering!"

"It can't hurt!" snarled one of them, and he grabbed her.

"She's not the ones we're after!" shouted the other.

"We'll never catch them!" the other yelled back. "Look, he's already gone!"

Leia gasped in relief, even as they dragged her on board one of their infernal ships, bound for—for where?

 _Snoke._ Wherever Snoke is, that's where she's headed.

* * *

"He'll kill her!" Ben cries as Luke peers at the stump that used to be his wrist. The _Millennium Falcon_ flies, but Rey doesn't even know where. She wants to vomit.

"Lie down," Luke instructs.

"But—"

 _Just do it, Ben! Please, I can't lose you too!_

He acquiesces, but the emotional storm within him thunders, and Rey feels it. She buries her face in her fists and cries.

"I don't think he will," says a voice.

Rey's head snaps up, and a young man, mostly translucent, smiles at her, at Luke, at Ben.

"Father!" Luke bursts out.

Ben struggles up on his elbows, gaping.

"Whoa," mutters Finn, gripping Poe's arm.

"You look much better without the helmet," Lando remarks.

Anakin Skywalker rolls his eyes. "I can't stay long, but Luke, you've got to _remember_."

"Remember _what?"_ Luke bellows. "Father— _please_. I can't do this anymore. Tell me plainly, just once, _please!_ For your son. For your daughter. For your _grandson_."

Anakin's lips waver. "The Emperor always said that your compassion for me would be your undoing. That in the end, you would seek _me_ out. Darth Sidious may have learned a few things from his master." Anakin peers into his son's eyes. "You won't fail her."

And he's gone, and Ben gawps at the space his grandfather just occupied. Rey feels faint.

"He's trying to get us to come to him," Rey gasps. "You and me." She looks at Ben.

"Shit," Poe says.

"You're going, aren't you," Finn says quietly.

Rey glances at her husband and nods. _We are, aren't we?_

 _Yes._

"First we need to go to D'Qar," Luke says, his eyes starting to water as he stares at Rey, at his nephew, as if he wants to memorize their every feature. "You need a cybernetic hand, Ben."

"And I have an idea," Ben adds, and two faces fill Rey's mind.

"It's the only way," she agrees.

* * *

Ben keeps trying to flex his left hand only to remember he doesn't have it anymore. Rey runs her fingers through his hair, kissing his forehead, but he can sense her fear.

Ben shudders as he remembers his vision in the Cave of Evil. He can't let it happen. He won't. He has to save his mother. He can't lose her, too.

Rey sniffs, and Ben realizes she's crying. He drags himself to an upright position, and she crawls onto the bunk next to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and sobbing into him.

 _We've lost Maz._

 _We've lost Maz, and your mother, and we're going to die_. _We're trying to do the impossible—kill this being that no one's been able to kill, not even the Emperor. I'm not—I can't do it, Ben. I'm no one._

He pushes her away with his good hand, cradling her face in his, trying to be strong for her even as his internal world collapses, and all the courage he's ever had shudders and falls. He's not a fool: he knows that if he and Rey go to Snoke without a plan, Snoke will slaughter Mother and pit Rey and him against each other. They have to play this carefully.

 _I was a fool, though. I've been the fool of fools._

So many wasted years… all the nights he lay awake, convincing himself Mother didn't matter, that she was just Leia, an enemy, the _leader_ of his enemies. And still she loves him enough to forgive him everything, even the murder of his father.

Would his life have been different, if he told her about his dream friend who walked his childhood nightmares? If he told her about the senator and what he did to Ben?

 _This is all my fault._

 _It's Snoke's fault,_ Rey insists.

 _It's also mine. I set this in motion_. Now, Ben thinks he understands the roiling sentiment that must have consumed his grandfather as he watched the Emperor, his master, torture his son to death.

 _No!_

As he did for so many years, so many nights when insomnia danced in his mind, so many days when Snoke looked at him as if he was worthless, Ben draws his strength from the memory of his grandfather. But now the memory is complete, and it's supplemented by the woman looking into his eyes, the woman who loves him.

She might die in this, and that, too, will be his fault. _I'll do whatever I can to prevent that._ No one else should die for him.

Rey draws his head down and kisses him, pressing her body against his. _You're not alone. We're married, remember? She's my mother now, too._

* * *

When the stormtroopers throw Leia to the ground, her knees crack against the stone, but she refuses to stay kneeling. No, she will face this supreme monster and look into the eyes of the creature who tortured her son, who seduced him to the Dark Side, and she will not be afraid.

"Princess Leia Organa Skywalker Solo," Snoke purrs, and his voice taps its way down Leia's spine, one vertebrae at a time. His face is the face of a corpse, the face of one who should have died centuries earlier.

"Snoke."

"Just as brave as your father."

"You're a monster," Leia informs him, revulsion shimmying through every nerve in her body. "A sick, disgusting—"

"How am I any more a monster than your father? Than your son?"

" _Don't_ ," Leia snaps. "Bring Ben into this."

"Worry not," Snoke says, smile hideous and decaying. "Your son will come into this."

Leia's heart leaps. "No. You're done hurting him—"

"He hurts _himself_ , Princess. Or didn't you notice his odd bruises and cuts as a child?"

 _You failed as a mother._ Leia shakes off the subtext. _I did the best I could_.

"I was there for him when you weren't. I could offer him what you never could."

"Han and I offered him _love_ ," Leia retorts. "Which is something you cannot possibly comprehend, you disgusting—"

Snoke waves his hand, and Leia finds herself unable to speak. "Your son, I expect, will be joining us shortly."

 _No. Never._

"His compassion for you," Snoke muses, leering. "Will be his undoing."

* * *

"Hux, we need your help."

Hux's heart leaps. "Did you hear that, Phasma? The great and powerful Kylo Ren is asking for help." He snickers, no longer caring that it's apparent to everyone that his cool, calm demeanor was all an act, and it's been washed away along with all his dreams.

" _Please."_

Hux blinks. "What do you need my help for, Ren? Can't the Force—"

"No," Ben breathes. "No, the Force can't get me to Snoke."

"What in the hell makes you think we can?" Phasma blurts out.

" _Please_ , Phasma," the stormtrooper—FN-2187—puts in. "We know you can try."

Pale rage rises with bile in Hux's throat. "Are you actually asking us to risk our lives to help _you_?"

"Essentially, yes," the scavenger girl says, crossing her arms. Hux's eyes catch something—a dangling sleeve—on Kylo Ren's outfit.

"What happened to your hand, Ren?" Hux inquires.

Ren shakes his head. "A stormtrooper cut it off when they took my mother."

Hux snorts. "So Snoke _finally_ has her."

Ren flinches.

"Don't you think that when I suggest using the Starkiller to destroy the Resistance base, it was in my mind that she was there?" Hux sneers, leering closer. "I wanted to use the weapon to destroy the Resistance, but I also knew that if I could destroy her, you might—Snoke might—"

"Be _grateful_ to you for erasing all the Light," Ben finishes.

Hux smirks. "Exactly."

"You're despicable," Rey hisses.

"Me? I'm not the one who stabbed a lightsaber through my father," Hux says, watching as Ren bites his lip so hard blood dribbles down his chin.

 _Didn't you, though?_

Hux remembers the gray pallor overtaking Brendol Hux's face when he saw the manner in which his son hung the cadet he killed. The memories it triggered—surely Hux knew, even as a teen. He wanted his father to be proud, and he also wanted to sicken his father, to wound him the way Hux was wounded whenever he remembered the insults his father hurled at his mother, insults that clobbered her to her death.

Brendol Hux could barely look at his son after that.

"Look," FN-2187 says. "His mother _loves_ him, so all your taunts are irrelevant."

She can't. And yet Hux clearly recalls the infernal woman, the cheeky woman who had the nerve to call herself a general, diving to save her son from the flailing bridge, and something breaks inside him, shattering and bleeding.

"Snoke plans to use her to draw Ben and Rey to him. The only way we can prevent that—the only way we can take down Snoke—is if you help us. That's the _only way_."

"If Snoke already has her, there's no point. He'll draw strength from her," Phasma says.

"No." Hux sighs impatiently. "He'll have to bend her to the Dark Side, first." He can't believe this bunk is spewing from his rational lips. "And I doubt he'll waste his energy on her."

"So we _do_ still have a chance," Phasma says. "We can win, Hux."

"What's in it for you?" Ren demands. "We're prepared to meet—"

"Oh please," Hux snaps. "Haven't you figured it out already? The reason I want to kill Snoke is because _I_ want to lead the First Order."

Ren's face surges with red as Rey scoffs.

"You son of a bitch," snarls the stormtrooper.

"Why are you even surprised, Ren?" Hux continues. "Even if I help you now, we'll always be enemies. You've hated me from the moment you met me, just as I've hated you."

Phasma groans.

Ren swallows his own blood. "I don't hate you now."

"Bullshit."

"I don't. I can't. You're my only hope."

Hux steps back, raising his eyebrows. "Are you _begging_ me?"

"I will if I need to."

"What would you even have us do?" Phasma breaks in. "Say we escaped?"

"We're actually going to stage an escape," Rey says. "Some of us."

"Neither of us even know where Snoke is right now," Hux snaps.

"I'd be going with you," Ren says, glancing at the girl. "Snoke will find me, I assure you."

"And promptly murder us both for working with you."

"No, he won't. Because you're going to lie as best you can and claim I'm treating you terribly."

"We won't have to lie," Hux says.

"I'm going to offer you to Snoke as a bargaining chip."

"The Supreme Leader does not bargain."

"Exactly. He'll take me aboard." Ren looks into Hux's eyes, and Hux sees green in Ren's, green he never saw before. "And you'll be able to send our coordinates to Rey and let her and a team of Resistance leaders on board."

"And what about what I want?" Hux says. "To be Supreme Leader? If you destroy the First Order—"

"We just want to get my mother," Ren cuts in. "And kill Snoke. There are four of us Force users, and we're going to try our best." He and Rey exchange a look, and Hux knows they're leaving something out, but he's exhausted from pressing.

"What makes you so certain we won't just abandon you?" Hux taunts. "Why would we contact this pathetic slut—"

"That's my _wife_ you're talking about," Ren growls, his only fist tightening.

"Oh, for pity's sake, you got married?" Phasma exclaims.

Hux can't fathom loving someone enough to commit one's whole life to them, and he can't think on it anymore. "But what if we don't? What if we leave your mother to die and you to rot in the Dark Side with Snoke?"

"Because you know you'll never get what you want then," Rey says, her voice surprisingly strong as she stands beside her _husband_. "And even though you're not sure whether you can trust him—trust _us_ —there's more hope in what we're offering you."

Hux swallows. "When are you breaking us out?"

* * *

"This will begin to make things right," Poe promises before jogging off with Lando to plot Hux and Phasma's escape.

"Your hand is all set," Dr. Kalonia proclaims, turning off the machine. Ben flexes his fingers.

Rey looks at Ben, and there's one thing on her mind, one thing she wants from him before they go, possible—probably—to their deaths.

He smirks and swoops her up in his arms, carrying her to their room, where they kiss and kiss, his lips trailing down her neck as she tugs at his shirt. She's careful not to jostle his hand, but otherwise, she's less careful and less restrained than she's ever been.

When Rey rolls off him she leans her head against his shoulder, tracing the wound from Chewie's bowcaster with her fingers. "Ben?"

"Mm?" He shifts to meet her eyes.

"If we live… what do you want to do?"

He frowns. "About what?"

"Like… we're married. Do we want children? What will we do about the First Order if Hux is leading it? What kind of life will we have?"

Ben reaches down and traces her side, the scar she got saving him from the cannon blast when they rescued Finn. "I'd like kids. I'd be scared, though."

"Me, too." She swallows as memories of Jakku assault her.

"You don't have to do that."

"What?"

"Push them away." Ben swallows. "You could let me see."

"I've told you before about Jakku."

"Not all of it. You don't have to, if you don't want to. But Rey, I can tell you're still afraid."

Rey presses her forehead against his chest, listening to his heart beat, and she lets her memories pour forth. Many he's already seen, or seen snippets of— _No! Come back!,_ Unkar Plutt, her dreams of an ocean and an island, where she's home.

Others he hasn't fully seen. She shows him her first day scavenging, at age six, with a female Teedo creature who teaches her how to rappel down ships but leaves her alone at night, at the mercy of Unkar Plutt, who treats her as a servant. She shows him herself leaving Unkar Plutt weeks in, finding her own home in the downed AT-AT, drafting a doll that lived a far more exciting life than her, a doll that _belonged_ somewhere. She shows him the Teedo woman's death when her rappelling line snaps when Rey is eight, how other scavengers grew jealous of her skills and beat her up, so she learned to fight to keep them and lecherous men away. Through it all, she bares more of the desperate, all consuming loneliness, the certainty that she's been abandoned because she's worthless. She shows him that even though she knows now who she is, why she was left, how that's _not true,_ she still believes it somehow, still fears it.

 _I love you, Rey._ He kisses her on the lips, on the head, on the chest. _Please believe it. Believe me._

Rey strokes his hair. _If the Force bonded us, brought us together, we must have a chance,_ she thinks wildly.

 _We do._

However faint they both know their chances are, when they're together, it feels so tangible Rey can't help but absorb the hope.

"May the Force be with you, Ben."


	21. Chapter 21

Finn lies awake in bed, waiting until he hears the door close.

"They're off," Poe reports. "May the Force be with them." He heaves himself down next to Finn. "I am not looking forward to explaining all of this to Ackbar, Statura, and Ematt."

Finn snorts. "This plan had better work."

"It better," Poe agrees.

"It's funny, how far Ben's come. I never thought he'd be risking his life for anyone."

Poe rolls over to smirk at him. "Apparently, bravery plays a role in all former First Order minions."

"Hux and Phasma?" _Well, aren't they being brave?_

"And _you_." Poe looks into Finn's eyes, and Finn sees only sincerity. "Finn, when you rescued me—when I heard what you were going to do on the Starkiller—when you came back hurt—I wished I had half that bravery."

"What?" Finn snorts. "You do know that I tried to leave, don't you? I tried to run at… Maz's cantina."

"She still gave you the lightsaber, didn't she? She saw the same thing in you that I see in you." Poe grimaces and places his palm against Finn's face. "Finn, you weren't lying when you rescued me, when I asked you why you were helping me. Don't you remember what you said?"

"That it was the right thing to do?" Finn snickers. "I was full of shit."

"No, you weren't. You needed a pilot, I'll give you that, but you helped me also _because it was the right thing to do_. I don't know if the Force has been helping you all along, or if it's just a part of your personality, independent of all that—but Finn, you're probably the most moral person I know. I look up to _you_."

Finn tries to roll his eyes to disguise the tears welling up in them. "Stop that. I look up to _you_."

"Why, because I'm the best pilot you've ever seen?" Poe teases.

Finn shoves him.

Poe pulls him closer and kisses him.

* * *

 _I'm with you,_ Rey reassures as the stormtroopers manhandle him. _I'm with you._

"Let me guess," Hux snips. "That sot Mitaka is calling the shots."

"The Supreme Leader will want to see you all," declares the stormtrooper, looking to Phasma. "Welcome back, Captain."

A boot slams into Ben's face, cracking his nose.

"No less than a traitor deserves," observes Hux.

 _What if he doesn't keep his promise?_

But Hux's voice is cool, collected, the same Hux Ben's always known, until he found Hux and Phasma plotting to take down Snoke, and this gives Ben hope that Hux is acting.

"Drag him along," Hux orders Phasma, as if she's nothing more than an ordinary stormtrooper. "And if you let him use any funny Force trick to get free, I'll see that you answer for it."

* * *

"Get up."

Leia rolls her eyes as two stormtroopers march into the room, grasping her arms and hauling her to her feet.

"The Supreme Leader has demanded your presence, _prisoner_."

"And just what does your so-called leader want with me?" Leia can't tell if it's a good thing that Snoke is finally sending for her again, or a sign that her time is almost up.

They thrust her into a darkened room, where Snoke rises from a throne. "Good."

"What do you want now?" Leia snaps.

"Only to make you watch. Hold her tightly," Snoke commands as a certain redheaded man strides into the room. " _General!"_

 _Hux._ Leia's stomach dissolves. _No, no, no!_

"You weak—" Snoke rages. "I was counting on you, and yet once again you manage to get a superweapon blown up and get yourself captured!"

"My apologies, Supreme Leader. I did try—"

" _Silence!"_ Snoke roars. "I've tolerated your weakness for so long, boy, but I will not tolerate it anymore!" His hand shoots out, long and skeletal, closing into a fist. Hux gasps and sputters, fingers clawing at his throat, but there's nothing there. "You have one last chance to prove to me that you aren't as useless as your father."

"I will not let you down, Supreme Leader!" Hux cries.

"Bring Kylo Ren to me." Snoke turns to Leia with a toothless, evil smile.

Leia wants to scream, wants to kill this creature, _destroy_ him, because _no_ , Snoke can't have her son. _Ben—why?_

 _He loves you._

She recalls the moment she freed Han from the carbonite and kissed him. Han was amazed she'd come for him, and now her son's come for her, and she wants to smack him and embrace him at the same time.

Hux returns, throwing down a beaten creature before the Supreme Leader, and Leia tries to cry out his name, but Snoke won't let her. She glares at him.

Ben struggles to his knees, his face streaked with blood. He spots her and tries to lunge for her; Snoke knocks him back to the ground.

"Kylo Ren," Snoke says. "You've forgotten all I have done for you. What I've showed you. The power of the Dark Side."

"You did _nothing_ for me except torture me and isolate me," Ben spits.

Snoke sends Ben's head smacking against the floor, and Hux laughs. Leia loathes him.

"I _showed_ you," Snoke snarls, stepping closer. "The _power_ of the Dark Side. But you're too weak to take advantage of it." He raises his hand, and Ben stiffens, bites his lip, struggles, and then screams as Snoke tears through his mind, rips through his memories.

"It seems," Snoke says as Ben still screams. "You need a reminder about the power of the Dark Side. And your little—what's this?—your _wife_. Your wife has experimented with the Dark Side herself, has she?" He retracts his mind probe, leaving Ben gasping and vomiting. His hold on Leia snaps, and she rushes over, dropping to her knees and combing her son's hair back from his face.

"What a touching family reunion," Snoke taunts. "Minus your father, of course. You stabbed him through the chest as he begged you to come home, didn't you? And it still wasn't enough."

"Don't listen to him," Leia urges her son, watching as Ben's face tightens in agony.

"You can try to turn to the Light, but that deed—that action—it's left its mark on your soul for good, Kylo Ren. You know it. You can try all you want, but you'll never wash it away. You'll never redeem that sin. That Darkness will be with you, tearing you apart until you _die_."

"You're a liar!" Leia shouts.

"Am I?" Snoke cackles, the sound reverberating through the room, stabbing her ears. Leia notices Hux cowering behind them. " _He_ knows it's true, doesn't he? Don't you, Kylo Ren?"

Ben can't respond. His eyes bulge as he struggles to breathe. Leia clasps his shoulders. "Please, Ben, listen to me. I _love_ you."

"How can she?" Snoke sneers. "Did she ever love you, even when you were a boy?"

" _Always_ ," Leia insists. "Imperfectly, but always."

"Really?" Snoke says. "Because who did you trust more when you were eight years old, Kylo Ren? Your mother was too preoccupied with the Senate. Your father cared only about his own gain. Who was there for you? Where was the Light then?" He's raging now, his voice falling over them with torrents of horror-inducing fury. "You still can't even trust her, can you? Not with that." Snoke goes from infuriated to calm in nanoseconds, and it dizzies Leia.

 _What is he talking about?_

"You know she'll restore the same weak version of the Republic as before!" Snoke urges.

"As opposed to the oppression of the First Order?" Leia snaps.

"You see?" Snoke cocks his head, and Ben shakes his.

"I know what you are," he manages. "You're afraid, too, Snoke. Afraid of _dying_ —"

Snoke freezes Ben again, and Leia, his face darkening and blackness seeping into his eyes. " _You are nothing._ I could have made you all-powerful, and you're throwing it all away. Have your forgotten the Light side? How it made you promise not to hurt anyone anymore? The Dark Side could have helped you then. The Light Side didn't help you that day, and it won't help you when I kill your mother, when I turn your wife to the Dark Side and if you still won't turn, when your wife kills you. And I know she's listening. I want her to hear every word.."

He releases them again, and Ben sucks in air. "I won't. She won't. We have minds of our own, Snoke, and—"

"Oh, do you?" Snoke leans closer, until his face is inches from Ben's, from Leia's, and his stench fills her nose. "I'll let you know just how little your choices actually matter: I've been playing you since a child, using every moment to turn you to the Dark Side, and the only choices you've ever made on your own were either for the Dark Side, or will be futile, because I will take subject everything to my will, and that includes you." Snoke retreats, grinning, and Leia can't—she can't—

"Put them in the same cell," Snoke orders Hux. "And think about it, Kylo Ren: either you do as I wish, or don't, but know I'll get what I want anyways. You know what I can do. Choose to live. Choose wisely."

 _He wants Ben to kill me,_ Leia realizes.

She can barely think as they're pushed back into her cell with its gray mortar walls. Ben immediately crumples to his knees again.

"Ben," Leia tries.

Her son slams his fist in to the wall, and dust flies everywhere. Leia coughs and staggers forward to grab him, _stop_ him from hurting himself.

He looks into her eyes, as if he can't believe she's actually stopping him.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Ben insists. "No matter what Snoke—"

"I know you aren't." Leia pulls him close. "Can you forgive me?"

* * *

Ben remembers being eight and curling up that night, his parents wondering why he didn't want dinner, why he just huddled under his blankets.

" _Is anything wrong?" Mother asks_

 _Ben shakes his head._

" _Then come eat dinner," Father orders._

 _He doesn't want to get up, though. He's worried they'll notice something, that they'll be able to tell, and he'll get in trouble for not fighting back, for following that man in the first place._ I just wanted to be a hero _, he thinks, a tear running down his face. "I'm not hungry."_

 _Father sighs. "Kid, you've got to stop this. We don't always get to do what we like. Your mother and I would like you to eat dinner with us, you don't want to, one of us is going to be unhappy, or two of us. It took a lot to get you on this trip, remember? It would make us very happy if you—"_

 _Ben pulls the blankets over his head, and Father groans. "Ben, come on." He tries to wrestle the blankets off, tries to tickle him like he used to, but Ben panics and screams, using the Force to push his father away from him, to the floor._

" _I thought we'd talked about this," Father says, deadly serious as he points his finger at Ben, who sinks back below the blankets as Father goes to talk to Mother._

 _Chewie sits and waits with him. Chewie doesn't pull the blankets off his head._

Ben breaks. All these years later. He tells Mother about that day, about what that senator did to him, about the way Snoke walked through his dreams as a friend, about how Snoke manipulated him into manipulating Luke.

Mother cries, but she does the one thing eight-year-old Ben wanted but was too scared to ask for: she holds him.

 _He's wrong, you know,_ Rey says in his mind.

 _What?_

 _Snoke. He's wrong. Our choices matter. Yours mattered. Even when you chose the Dark. And they matter now that you're choosing the Light._

* * *

"You need to send them the coordinates," Hux hisses to Phasma. She's covered with that armor again, masked.

She looks at him. "Why not you?"

Hux shakes his head. "You need to do it." He's still reeling from what Snoke said that day, how he manipulated and sculpted Kylo Ren from birth. Much as Hux sculpts his stormtroopers, although allowing the weak links to die surely isn't tantamount to the lengths Snoke went to.

 _Is it?_

 _Your choices don't matter._

 _I will subject everything to my will…_

 _Is that what you want to do?_

 _My choices are going to matter, Snoke,_ Hux thinks furiously. _I'm going to be a much better ruler than you._

 _You'll kill someone, someday,_ his father's voice whispers.

Hux grew up knowing what he'd have to do to that other cadet. He grew up with his fate written, too: kill, or die. And now he's writing others' fates, and for the first time, his stomach pinches when he thinks about it.

Phasma reappears minutes later. "Coordinates sent, sir."

Hux doesn't reply. He looks straight out at the sky towering over the planet, at the stars set against deep blue, and wonders the question he's never allowed himself to ask before. He didn't send the coordinates because he didn't want to contact the rebels again. Because he didn't want to ask this question.

But it burns inside him anyways.

 _What if?_

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, all! There are two chapters left.** _  
_


	22. Chapter 22

When the transmission comes through, the relief is so sharp Rey doubles over.

 _We're on our way, Ben_ , she promises.

"We're ready," Poe says. "Rey?"

She turns to him, and he wraps his arms around her, hugging her as if he knows this might be the last time they see each other alive, and he wants her to know how much he cares.

"Can I get in on this?" Finn interjects, throwing his arms around both of them. There's a roar, and a massive pair of furry Wookiee arms encircles them all. BB-8 bleeps and rolls against Rey's leg.

"Okay, kids," Lando interrupts. "Let's do this."

Poe kisses Finn before climbing into his X-wing. He and Jess lead a team of pilots preparing to bomb the hell out of Snoke's planet as a distraction, while Luke, Rey, and Finn will find Ben and Leia, and then go for Snoke.

"You can't leave without me!" 3PO calls, tottering after them. "R2—don't—"

"Sorry, 3PO, but we really don't need another droid. We've already got R2," Luke apologizes.

The golden droid lowers its head. "I just don't want to be away from it all if something happens to any of you."

"Of course you're welcome to come, 3PO!" Finn calls as he boards the _Millennium Falcon_. Chewie groans.

Luke looks back at the droid with a soft smile.

On board, Rey sits by the hologame table, letting Lando and Chewie pilot while she, Finn, and Luke work out the minutia of their plan—with the details Ben tells her.

She nods to the grate in the floor. "Remember when we first got on this ship?" she asks Finn with a smile. _The garbage will do!_

"Just think what would have happened if the First Order hadn't blown that one up," Finn jokes. He snickers. "You were so pissed when I couldn't find the correct what-do-you-call-it to fix the motivator."

Rey giggles as she remembers. "Well, I was trying to save our lives!"

"Yeah, yeah." Finn winks at her, and his face grows slack.

"Worrying about Poe?" Rey asks.

"Worrying about Ben?"

She nods. "We're trying to do the impossible, you know? Bring down a Sith that's never been taken down before." She snorts. "It's almost like, I'm okay if something happens to me. But I don't know if I'll be okay if something happens to him."

"I feel the same way about Poe."

 _I feel that way about you,_ comes Ben's voice.

Rey thinks back to Jakku, the place where, in spite of everything, at night when insomnia plagued her, she imagined happy endings. "Is it too much to hope for a happy ending?" she asks, because she wants one for herself, for Ben. She wants to raise children who won't have to deal with a Sith lord playing them like a puppet, who won't be abandoned. She wants to see Leia at peace. She wants Luke to fulfill what he started and train another generation of Jedi.

Fin shrugs. "We have to _hope_. And at the very least, between you and me…" He lowers his voice. "I think we're going to take down this Plagueis."

* * *

"In we go!" Poe's voice crackles in Rey's ears as the starfighters plunge towards the surface of a deep red planet. Rey breathes in so deeply it hurts.

"Let's do this," Lando declares. Chewie roars.

"Oh, goodness gracious me," murmurs C-3PO as the _Falcon_ swoops downwards at an incline so steeps Rey has to grab the back of Chewie's seat to keep from flying forwards. Finn grabs onto her, and R2 bleeps.

They more crash into the surface than land. Rey sprints off the ramp, lightsaber sizzling as she aims for the bunker entrance. This place reminds her of the Starkiller, if the Starkiller had been built on Jakku. The red sands whip against her ankles, stinging.

"Took you long enough," says a sharp voice as she enters, flanked by Finn, Luke, Lando, and Chewie with his bowcaster.

"Hux!" she gasps.

"Here. Your husband might need this," Hux says, shoving a lightsaber hilt at her. "Your husband is three floors down, to the left. Don't let me down."

"Don't get blown up," she calls after him. He doesn't acknowledge her.

"Let's go," Luke grunts, charging down the staircase Hux indicated. The walls shudder and echo with explosions ripping through the planet.

"Oh good, you're here." Phasma punches in a code to a cell and immediately turns down another corridor, marching off as Rey and the rest rush into the cell.

"Leia!" Luke shouts.

"Ben!" Rey flies into his arms, taking note of his bruised face, determined not to kiss him, not when she might hurt him—but he kisses her anyways.

 _I knew you'd come._

The kiss is long and deep, as if he's packing a lifetime of passion into one last kiss. Rey digs her fingers through his scalp, tears stinging her eyes. When they finally break apart, she notices Finn watching them. R2 cheers.

"So where's Snoke?" Lando asks.

"This way." Ben ducks out the door. "Chewie, Lando, take Mother and—"

"I brought you an extra blaster, Princess," Lando says, shoving one into Leia's hand. "Sorry, Ben, but you didn't really expect us to stand back, did you?"

"Actually, yes."

"It's hopeless," Luke informs his nephew.

"They don't stand a chance!"

"We'll hang back," Leia interrupts, but Rey can tell she's lying and Ben can too.

" _Okay, while you're all debating, please remember we don't have all that much time to waste here, okay?"_ Poe shouts from the radio.

"Let's go." Finn nods at Ben.

He hesitates. _Trust us, Ben_ , Rey pleads. _It's her decision._

He nods. "We need to get to the center—the throne room. It's above ground." They run down the halls towards Snoke's throne room, lightsabers, blasters, and one bowcaster ready.

When they burst in, Rey is shocked to see the Supreme Leader standing calmly, as if waiting for them. When he sees them standing there, four lightsabers in four different colors blazing, he laughs.

"Go ahead," Snoke invites. "Try to kill me."

"We know you're afraid," Ben snarls. "We know who you are, Darth Plagueis."

"We know you're _weak_ ," Finn cuts in. "Because your energy is all going towards keeping yourself alive."

"Don't underestimate my strength, Finn Windu." Snoke sighs and Chewie fires his bowcaster, only for Snoke to hold it in the air. "Ah," Snoke says, studying the shot. "I believe you're one of the few to experience this and live to tell about it, aren't you, Kylo Ren? Do you think your wife will be as lucky?"

Ben's hand flies up quicker than Rey imagines, halting the deflected blast inches from Rey's face.

"Impressive," Snoke muses. "Let's see what you'll do to protect your husband, Rey Kenobi." But instead of aiming a blast from Lando at Ben, he aims it at Leia.

Rey doesn't stand a chance at halting it midair, but she leaps at it, slashing the blast with her lightsaber. Her grandfather's lightsaber. Luke's old saber, and his father's before him, as Maz once told her.

 _Maz._

Thinking of the orange creature opens the dam. A torrent of fury, anguish and despair rages through her, sweeping away the calm exterior, sweeping away Ben's voice.

"That's it," Snoke encourages. "Feel it. Feel the Dark Side."

 _Rey!_ Ben's voice screams through for an instant before the Dark tackles it, dragging it under its ferocious current, but it still rings out, and it's enough to force Rey to scramble for air. She backs up, gasping.

"No." Snoke surges forward, but Luke jumps in front of her. "Stay—"

"What, is she your last hope?" Snoke taunts before holding his hand out and yanking Leia's blaster away from her. He fires at Luke, and this time Ben isn't quick enough to keep the weapon from striking Luke in the shoulder. R2 squeals.

"I have no time for your games," Snoke says dismissively, and with one gesture of his hand, he freezes each and every one of them. Rey can't move. Neither can Ben, or anyone.

 _This can't be happening._

" _Do you need backup?"_ Poe yells through a transceiver.

Finn screams, and Rey realizes Snoke's lunged at him, burning a darksaber into Finn's shoulder. "Don't you remember when Kylo Ren did this to you?" he snarls. "Doesn't it make you feel the anger, the—"

 _He's desperate,_ Rey realizes as hope begins to surge. She can breathe. She can talk, she can think—

 _Together_ , Ben encourages her.

"Don't you hate him?" Snoke sneers. "Think about what he's done to you—taken the girl you loved, burned you, killed his own father in front of you, slashed your spine and _tortured_ you, tortured countless others—"

Rey closes her eyes, Finn's screams still surging through her ears. She falls back to another place, a blue sleepless night, where Ben talks to her, and it's working—she can twitch her hands, her elbow jerks, and Snoke's hold breaks.

"You forgot about forgiveness, bastard!" Finn shouts, his purple saber surging up to meet with Snoke's darksaber. Snoke gapes.

"That's right," Finn snarls. "Kylo Ren is dead. Ben Solo is alive, and I've forgiven him all of that, and guess what, Snoke? I fell in love with another man!" He slashes at Snoke, who blocks his blow and whirls around to block a blow from Ben. Rey charges at him, grazing Snoke's thigh. He howls and Rey barely dodges a swipe from the darksaber—now another— _shit_ , it burns her, it strings and throbs and she screams.

Chewie roars and fires the bowcaster, which slams into Snoke's shoulder. Snoke gapes at the Wookiee as if he can't believe such a lowly creature could actually wound him.

From her place on the floor, through the haze of tears, Rey sees Leia crawling, her hand outstretched, and watches as her discarded blaster starts to wobble.

"No!" Luke jumps up, thrusting his blaster to block a blow aimed at Chewie. He succeeds, but Snoke waves his arms and freezes them all again.

Rey's weakened, but she can still do this. She has to. Grimacing, she calls to Ben, and she lets their first moments on contact on Ahch-To call to her, lets the memories of so many moments flow through her: the moment she realized she cared too much about him to let him die and willingly took the blaster shot, even though she didn't know yet what he would become, but only had hopes for him, and those hopes were powerful themselves, the moment she heard him calling to her through gray, dreamless unconsciousness, time he taught her own, the moment he kissed her. Swimming, the moment she bared her body to him and realized he wanted her, the moment she married him…

"Do you know how long I've been looking for you?" Snoke's voice trickles in. "And now I'll finally wipe out the last of the Jedi. Your followers will fall to the Dark Side after you're gone—"

"If you strike me down," Luke croaks. "I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."

"Because we _are_ the Jedi!" Rey shouts as the hold breaks. "We've made our choices, Snoke!"

The blaster zooms in to Leia's hands, and she fires at Snoke, hitting him precisely where Chewie's bowcaster him earlier, and suddenly Snoke might as well be dancing as he avoids blaster after shot after lightsaber. It's the desperate, hideous dance of a creature trying to avoid death, and Rey feels sick.

And then Snoke's foot snakes out, sending Luke sprawling on the ground.

"Stop it!" Lando rushes towards Snoke, and Snoke laughs as he raises the darksaber.

"And to think you thought you had a chance," Snoke sneers, before swiping at Lando's head instead of Luke's.

But the blow doesn't land. There's a huge crash, and Ben grabs Rey by the waist, diving out of the way as an X-Wing smashes through the ceiling, sending black slabs scattering and light flooding the throne room.

* * *

"Thought you needed some help," Poe groans as he slips out of the crashed X-Wing, BB-8 dropping out behind him and rolling as if in a daze.

'Thanks, buddy," Finn stammers. The Supreme Leader lies on the ground, feebly stirring next to a dark fissure that's opened. The black slabs have fallen back to reveal red earth, and below that, nothing but rough rocks and darkness. Luke scrambles to his feet, lightsaber carefully trained on Snoke. Ben and Rey inch closer, the blue and red of their lightsabers sizzling together.

Luke kicks the darksaber into the deep void.

"Did we do it?" Poe wonders.

Like a cat, Snoke springs back to his feet as if provoked by Poe's words. He swings out and grabs hold of Ben's lightsaber, but his hands don't even fall off.

 _He's channeling all the energy he possesses,_ Finn realizes. _The full power of the Dark Side._

Ben cries out, and Rey swings at Snoke, but he shrugs her and her blue saber off. She falls back and Leia manages to grab her and keep her from falling into the hole.

Snoke wrenches the lightsaber away from Ben as a bomb strikes nearby. Finn screams as more debris rumbles around them, and Poe grabs him, protecting Finn's head as they wait for the rumbling to stop.

Panicked, Finn scrambles upwards. The room is in ruins, but Luke and R2 stand on the other side of the room with Lando and Chewie. BB-8, Leia, and Rey are on the same side of the room as Finn and Poe, and Ben—

Finn gulps. Ben's staggering to his feet on an incline directly below Finn and Poe. But so, too, is Snoke, holding Ben's lightsaber. It sparks a hateful red, and Snoke freezes Ben.

Rey closes her eyes, but there isn't enough time. Finn knows.

"What do we do?" Poe gasps.

Finn grips his lightsaber, focusing on the brave violet glow. "I know what I need to do." He's never felt this much fear in his entire life, not when he escape the First Order, not when Kylo Ren took Rey on Takodana, not in the Cave of Evil.

"You do?"

"But I don't know if I have the strength to do it," Finn admits and turns to the man he loves so, so much. "Will you help me?"

Poe nods, eyes alight with hope. "Anything."

"Would you like to see how your husband died, Princess?" Snoke howls. "Stuck through, gutted like an animal and tossed into a pit? I'll show you." He laughs. "But I'll unfreeze him first, so you can see him scream and squirm."

"Then forgive me." Finn wishes he could kiss Poe, touch him, anything, but instead he jumps, soaring through the air and slamming into Snoke's back, toppling the creature.

The blade cuts through him, and hope overtakes him before the pain can even touch him.

* * *

" _Finn!"_

Every one of them screams his name. Snoke staggers, his hand to his throat, the burn from Finn's lightsaber still smoking. Ben's lightsaber tumbles into the pit.

And then Snoke's gone, he's running past all of them, barely alive but still alive by some Dark Power Ben doesn't even want to consider, and Ben's crawling towards his friend.

"Hold on, Finn," Ben begs, watching Finn struggle, his eyes searching for someone behind him, someone who lands with a thunk behind him.

"Buddy!" Poe drops to his knees. "Finn—what do we do?" he shouts, turning to Ben, to Mother, to Rey. " _What do we do?"_

Finn reaches out, grasping Poe by the wrist. " _I love you,"_ he rasps.

Poe's jaw bobbles as he tries to find words. "I know."

Finn's breathing shallows, and he drops his head back, eyes roving back and forth. "Make sure you…"

He doesn't finish, but Ben knows what he means.

" _No,"_ Poe whispers, fists tightening as he screams and screams, a wordless cry of agony, and Ben knows he's verbalizing what they're all feeling, what his mother must have felt when Father died.

"My friend," Rey sobs, dropping down and pressing her lips against Finn's forehead.

Chewie screams, and Mother sobs.

"We have to finish this," Ben chokes out.

"How?" demands Luke. "Snoke's weakened, but—"

" _Finn,"_ cries Poe, clutching his lover's face. B-8 lets out a shrill wail. "You're a hero, you know that? You're our hero."

"Poe, a Star Destroyer's powering up!" Jessika's voice filters through a radio. "Do we take it out?"

"No!" Rey shouts. "No, let it go! Snoke's got to be trying to escape on it."

"Are you crazy?" demands Lando.

She looks at Ben, her eyes streaming and face torn apart with wracking sobs. "I know what—I know how—we can end this. But we've got to move _now_."

* * *

 **I'm so sorry, everyone! A friend of mine specifically requested me to write a story with a sacrificial death for Finn, so I have delivered. Finn is actually the character I relate to most out of all the new TFA characters, so it was painful to write.**


	23. Chapter 23

In the end, Ben's the one tasked with destroying the motivator. Rey will instruct him through their bond as she and Poe carry Finn away. In their last memorial to Finn, Mother and Luke leap on a speeder with Ben, determined to warn the stormtroopers to get off.

"Get Hux and Phasma off, too," Ben instructs. His heart burns. It hurts in ways he hadn't imagined were possible, but he can't let the burning overtake him, not now. Not when they still have to complete Finn's mission.

He leaps on board the Star Destroyer via one of the vents, tunneling up, driven by the Light even as the Dark whispers for him to avenge his friend.

 _No._ He needs to save, not to kill. He scrambles through the mostly deserted halls, searching for the engine room and jumping down it when he finds it.

Rey's instructions are brief and pointed. From the radio, he hears Mother and Luke warning stormtroopers to board escape pods.

"What the hell?" Ben hears Hux's growl, and he sags in relief. There's only one more cap he needs to unscrew, and he'll have one minute to get off the ship before toxins flood. Snoke will have maybe two minutes before it reaches him.

Darth Vader's helmet is likely above him.

 _It doesn't matter._

 _You can do this,_ Rey tells him.

He looks at his hands. They're shaking. _Finn—why_?

* * *

Leia runs through the _Finalizer_ , warning all the stormtroopers she can find that they need to evacuate. She closes her eyes, pushing the necessity of it into their minds. A Jedi mind trick that sometimes works, sometimes doesn't, and when it doesn't, she has to dive to avoid a blaster.

"Stormtroopers!" booms a strong voice, a woman's voice, commanding and full of authority. "You are instructed to abandon ship. Immediately."

Captain Phasma exists the command station and regards Leia.

"Snoke—"

"Hux has lowered all of the shafts to keep him as contained as he can," Phasma informs her.

"Thank you." The irony of the Resistance General thanking the First Order captain is not lost on either of them.

"Trying to save our lives is foolish," Phasma reprimands her, and Leia rolls her eyes.

"I've seen enough death. I saw my whole planet destroyed in front of my eyes. And if that's not enough, I _feel_ it—I feel the deaths, Phasma, through the Force. You wouldn't be so quick to kill if you _felt_ the horror, the ripping of souls from living, breathing bodies." Leia marches past her. "Finn was in your division, wasn't he?"

"Why?"

"Because he died saving my son's life," Leia says, tears burning.

She doesn't realize the captain is following her until Hux demands to know what they're doing.

"Your ship has escape pods, doesn't it?" Phasma asks, looking to Leia for affirmation. "It won't take long, General."

* * *

"We're ready," Mother informs him, and Ben twists until the screw pops loose and runs for his life, for the life Finn helped give back to him, the life Finn died for, the life his father died for.

He leaps down the shaft, sliding and falling until he feels the ice of open atmosphere and Rey's hands grabbing his legs, pulling him back inside the _Falcon_.

She holds him close, and then pulls him down towards the cockpit, where Chewie's pulled level with the _Finalizer_ 's windows. Inside Ben sees Snoke, staggering and barely able to stand upright. The Supreme Leader's mouth opens in a howl as he realizes that, for the first time, he is truly alone, without anyone to drain, without anyone to bend to his will.

And in his weakened state, his will won't save him.

Ben doesn't want to watch. He ducks out, past an impassive Hux.

"What are you doing here?"

"Phasma and I will board an escape pod shortly," Hux states. "And we'll rebuild the First Order."

Ben's heart sinks.

"Maybe it will be less antagonistic with the Resistance's ideals," Hux amends. "We'll see. Phasma wanted to pay her respects."

 _You care about what she wants?_ Ben raises his eyebrows as he rounds the corner to see the chrome-clad captain, her helmet on the seat and her face bared, standing over Finn's body. "I always told him empathy would be his undoing," she remarks.

Poe still kneels next to Finn, BB-8 by his side. He glares at Phasma. "You're wrong. His empathy made him a _hero_."

Phasma swallows and turns away.

"You'd be lucky to be as brave as him," C-3PO puts in.

"Time to go," Hux says as he emerges. "Snoke is dead."

"Yes, Supreme Leader," Phasma says.

"Don't call me that. Not yet. We'll—see." Hux waves his hand. His eyes slide up and down Ben as Ben weeps by Finn's side.

"Ben," Hux says, and then stops. He looks like he wants to say more, but shakes his head and turns away.

Ben doesn't follow them to the escape pod. Luke does.

Mother and Rey crouch beside him.

 _I'm so sorry, Finn,_ Ben thinks.

"I forgive you," Poe sobs, and for a moment Ben thinks he's talking to him, but no, Poe is cradling Finn's head again.

And Ben realizes that Finn truly, truly forgave him, and he cries harder.

* * *

"You know what to do." Anakin's voice jars Luke from his stupor back on D'Qar. They arrived, they're safe—but not all of them, and Luke retreated to the forest, crushed under the weight of Finn's memory, of Maz's, Han's.

"No," Luke says to his father. "I don't."

"You do. You're just afraid." Anakin steps closer. The woods hum with insects. "Finn's all right, you know. He'll probably show up at some point."

"Finn's a ghost?"

Anakin sighs. "Don't change the subject, Luke. The galaxy needs you. Your sister needs you. Your nephew and Obi-Wan's granddaughter—they need you. You can't let them down."

"I don't want to. But I can't control everything. I mean, I've—I'm done with the gray Jedi business. But I can't control every padawan. What if there's another?"

"Then you'll have done what you can." Anakin watches a bird with azure feathers flutter past. "You can't avoid regrets, Luke. And besides, you don't have to go at it alone. They're just waiting for you to ask them."

"Why would they trust me?" Luke wonders. "After all—"

Anakin vanishes.

"Thanks a lot," Luke grumbles, kicking a loose stone and watching it skip across the soil.

But his father's right. Luke does know what he needs to do.

* * *

They cremate Finn on D'Qar, the only home Finn's ever been free to be _Finn_ in. As the flames rise, Poe turns away, the object in his pocket heavy. His jacket feels uncomfortable on his shoulders, but Finn would have wanted him to keep it, Rey assured him.

 _It suited him better._

"Ben," he calls.

Ben turns around, his eyes encased with shadows, but so, so light.

"You lost your lightsaber," Poe informs him.

Ben shrugs. "It was just a lightsaber."

Rey smiles as Poe.

"Finn would have wanted you to have this," Poe says, pulling out the lightsaber and holding it out. Ben gapes at it, at him.

"You were the one he loved," Ben says. "You keep it. As a—"

"If I need a momento, I have his jacket," Poe says. And all their memories. "Please, Ben."

"That's right, I do want you to have it," interrupts a voice. Everyone jumps as Finn, translucent but still Finn, appears.

"Finn," Poe manages. He wants to grab him and kiss him, but he knows he can't, and his outstretched hand falls back to the ground.

"I can't stay long. I've got to find Obi-Wan, your grandpa, and the little green one," Finn says, rolling his eyes. "Because we're going to help Luke scout a place to create a new Jedi academy. But I'll be back soon. I promise." He glowers at Rey and Ben. "Make sure you take care of him."

"I can take care of myself, Finn," Poe points out.

"I know." Finn grins as Rey takes Ben's hand and pulls him away. "I'll always be around if you need me, you know. And someday we'll be reunited. Just hopefully, you know, not for a long time."

Poe chuckles. "Even if I'm not, you know, sensitive to the Force?"

"Of course. Han's been here, too, you know. Watching over his son. But you can't see most of us, because you've got life to live."

"I've got more stuff to do before I join you all, don't I."

Finn smirks.

"I love you."

"I know."

* * *

That night, neither Rey nor Ben can sleep. They don't have to speak, or make love. They just breathe, feeling each other's presence in their minds, in their arms.

"Do you wonder what Hux and Phasma are up to?" Rey asks finally.

"Yeah." He turns to her.

"Do you think with Darth Plagueis gone, there will finally be peace in the galaxy?"

Ben pauses. "The Dark Side will always exist. Someone else will tap into its powers."

An idea floats into Rey's mind. She peers at Ben.

"Let's talk to Luke in the morning," he agrees.

But it's Luke who seeks them out, brimming with an idea. "I have a proposition for you two."

Rey sits on an overturned log, twirling an indigo flower between her fingers. "We have one for you, too."

Luke smirks. "It's the same idea, isn't it?"

"We'll see," Ben says, tossing a pebble into the air. "Let's hear it."

"I'm going to need help at the new Jedi academy. More teachers to watch over the students, help train them. Would you—"

Rey elbows Ben. "Same idea."

"Does that mean you'll do it?" Luke asks.

"Once I finish my training," Rey says, rolling her eyes.

"Well, in truth, Rey, I didn't have all that much training myself," Luke admits. "Most of it I learned on my own. Yoda died before I could finish—"

"Really?"

"How could you not know this?" Ben asks her, teasing. He sobers and looks at Luke. "Uncle… with my reputation, are you sure—"

"I don't doubt there will be some naysaying," Luke affirms. "But I've seen what you're capable of, Ben, and I _want_ you there. I trust you."

Ben swallows and nods. Rey feels his surprise, his honor, his wonderment, and leans her head on his shoulder.

"Oh good," Poe says. "Because Chewie and I are helping, too."

"What?" Rey raises her head and spots the pilot leaning against a tree, listening.

Poe plucks a leaf and examines it. "Yeah, now that we've got all these files, we've been combing through and finding families with traces of Force-sensitive beings. Chewie and I are going to go find them, offer them a chance to train. Got to get to them before the Dark Side, you know."

"And until they start arriving," interrupts another voice. _Leia_ , with C-3PO on her heels. "You have another student."

"We do?" Ben asks.

Leia spreads her arms. "Ackbar's done a fine job leading the Resistance in my absences. I think it's time I trained as a Jedi."

"And Yoda thought I was too old," Luke sighs, shaking his head, but he looks at his sister with pride.

Ben's jaw drops, but his eyes are sparkling.

"I may be the oldest student ever," Leia acknowledges. "But I know how much I have to learn, and I can't think of three more people I'd rather learn from."

"Oh, but Princess, you won't be leaving us behind, will you? Not R2 and—" 3PO starts.

"Of course not, 3PO," Leia declares. "You're like family."

"Oh—oh!" If the golden droid could blush, Rey suspects it would. "That's the kindest thing anyone's ever said to me? Did you hear her, R2?"

* * *

Ruling the galaxy is everything Hux through it would be. The problem is, he never realized that everything he wanted was so unfulfilling.

"Sir?" Phasma approaches.

"Take the mask off," Hux says without looking at her. "You don't need it."

She sighs and Hux hears it clunk against the floor. "We've identified several possible Force-sensitive families, sir."

"Good." Hux spins around. "Send their information to the Resistance?"

"Sir?" Phasma blinks, but in the twitch of her cheek, Hux knows she understands.

 _We can try to work with them,_ Hux thinks. _For now_. "I'm hearing rumors Luke Skywalker's starting a new Jedi academy."

"Oh?"

"I think they'd be good recruits for him. We don't want empathy corrupting our stormtroopers." Hux watches Phasma, heart pounding, because Hux now knows he can never wash himself of the cadet he killed or the empathy still stirring in his heart.

Neither, for all her proclamations otherwise, can the woman in front of him, but neither of them will admit it, and they both know it, and they both hate it.

"Of course not."

Hux watches her walk away, helmet still in her hands, and it hurts, but involuntarily, he smiles after her.

* * *

The night before they leave, Rey and Ben awake to a knock on their door.

"Who—" Rey starts.

"It's me."

"Poe?" Rey snatches a shirt and dons it, shimmying into pants. "What—"

"Finn wants to talk to you. Both of you. He says that's more important than sleeping."

Rey and Ben both scurry out of the room, following Poe up the stairs, out into the sweet D'Qar air with just a hint of chill to it. The stars blink above them.

"Hey," Finn's ghost says, standing with his arms crossed. "I would say I'm sorry for interrupting you, but I'm not. Neither of you ever sleep anyways, do you?"

Rey shrugs. Memories storm her and Ben each night.

"Don't count on sleeping after death," Finn warns. "You won't even want to. Too much to do." He grins. "Besides, you two have more important things."

Rey tosses a rock through him, and Finn snickers. "Do me a favor. If you two ever have a boy, name him Finn, okay?"

"Of course," Ben says, as if he'd never think of name a hypothetical child anything else, while Rey can only shake her head.

"So, Ben," Finn drawls, turning to him. "I think you two could use some extra training before you jet off tomorrow. Plus, I just kind of want to see my lightsaber in action again." He motions. "Spar."

"Getting us out of bed is one thing," Rey says. "Telling us to get up to practice fighting is another." Plus, she's afraid of the nightmares it will bring back. She hasn't fought with her lightsaber since Snoke, since Finn…

"Oh, come on, I'm going to enjoy teaching _you_ for a change," Finn crows.

Ben draws out his lightsaber, and the purple sparks to life. Rey meets it with her blue one, and they're sparring, and Poe's standing back with BB-8 cheering them on as Ben whirls around, forcing Rey to duck and spin around herself, twirling the blade as they read each others minds and block each blow, grinning.

Until she remembers what finally worked on the Starkiller base.

"No, Rey!" Ben protests as her foot flies up to kick him in the chest. He goes down, lightsaber flying into Rey's grip.

"I win," she taunts, leveling both of them, blue and purple, no red, at his face.

He concedes with a nod, and she retracts the lightsabers, offering her hand to pull him up. Instead he grabs her wrist and yanks her to the grass, flipping on top of her and pinning her wrists above her head. He smirks at her.

"Um, guys, I'm right here," Poe says. "Like, I'm _right_ here."

"Don't worry," Rey calls. Ben glances over at Poe, and Rey uses the opportunity to knee him in the ribs and roll over.

"You win," Ben gasps as she straddles him, interlacing her fingers with his.

"I am still here, and I am seeing this, and Finn, I think I'll be joining you a lot sooner than either of us want."

Rey laughs as she leans over Ben. She doesn't even need to look into his mind to read the trust pouring from his eyes, the admiration, the love. She studies him, taking in the moles spotted across his face, the way black strands of hair catch in his eyes and he tries desperately to blink them out, the uneven shape of his lips, the jagged scar, red and purple, that she'd marked him with because she had only seen the monstrous actions, not the man behind them, the man Han loved.

 _I love you._

They could have a future with more nightmares, more tears, but also more hope, more dreams, and it could be _good_. His hazel eyes are alight with possibility. _That's a hope worth having._

She leans in and kisses him, relishing this moment, this hope, this dream.


End file.
